


You, Me, and Her

by Littlecherryblossom26



Category: 1917 (Movie 2019)
Genre: AU, Angst, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Brotherly Love, Cheating, F/M, Forbidden Love, Friends to Lovers, Friendship/Love, Guilt, Love Confessions, M/M, Mutual Pining, Period-Typical Homophobia, Pining, Post-World War I, World War I
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-07
Updated: 2020-05-04
Packaged: 2021-02-28 00:55:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 62,310
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22605076
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Littlecherryblossom26/pseuds/Littlecherryblossom26
Summary: William Schofield has been having thoughts he shouldn't have, but he can't help it. He's fallen for his friend Tom Blake while he is married and has two daughters. The consequences of that won't leave anyone unharmed, beginning by himself...
Relationships: Joseph Blake/Original Female Character(s), Lance Corporal Blake/Lance Corporal Schofield, Tom Blake/William Schofield, William Schofield/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 98
Kudos: 173





	1. The tree

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everyone!  
> I'm so happy to write something again about those two cuties! I love them so much <3  
> Okay, so basically this time I wanted to try to write something about a sort of love triangle and make an AU in which Tom wouldn't die because of his stab wound, but end up in the hospital (because every time that I see "Major Character Death" my poor heart can't take it any more... :((), but at the same time even if I ship them hard, I like to have some angst, and I thought writing this kind of fic could be interesting to explore :)
> 
> So I really hope you'll enjoy it!
> 
> Please, don't hesitate to leave comments or tell me if you have any suggestions for this, and thanks for all of you who've chosen to read what I wrote <3

It all happened so suddenly.

Schofield had never been a man’s man. He had a wife and two daughters.

But at some point, Blake had come into Schofield’s life, and had somehow managed to find his way into the latter’s heart, subtly and slowly, but he had done it. 

Blake just wasn’t like any other man or boy he had encountered in his life. 

He was just… Thomas Blake… There was something in him that made him so unique and had made Will fall for him.

He knew it was wrong and sinful to be in love with a man, and it was all the more wrong and sinful to cheat on one’s wife, especially with a man. 

At first, he had only thought what he had been feeling was attachment and affection, like one would care for a little brother. But without realising it, it had become more than that, and no matter how hard he tried to push that feeling away, it always came back to haunt him and torture his mind that was already quite messed up because of all the horrors of the war he had witnessed. 

But first, he still couldn’t even know for sure whether this love was one-sided or mutual, and second they were at war; they were soldiers, comrades, nothing more. That was it. There was no room to mix up professional and private life in such circumstances. 

Anyway, he really doubted that Blake was feeling the same way toward him. For Blake, he was only a very good friend, the one he’s the closest to, but certainly nothing more. Because let’s be honest, Schofield had been spending most of his time with Blake ever since he had met him. The latter had just got used to clinging to him ever since he had laid eyes on him. Schofield hadn’t really understood why at the time, and he wasn’t even sure he understood why now. They had little in common. Very little. They were poles apart in terms of personalities. And there were many more other soldiers Blake could have clung to and befriended. 

But as they say opposites attract… 

They were actually complementary, like the yin and the yang. 

At least, Schofield needed him, and apparently, Blake did too since he had chosen to cling to him in the beginning. If it wasn’t for the latter, Schofield might have ended up becoming completely insane and given up on any hope of ever going back home. In a certain way, Blake was his light. His light of hope. A young flame that radiated with warmth and optimism. 

He wondered how Blake would react if he were to learn about his feelings for him. He’d probably be so disgusted that he’d never talk to him ever again. 

So he preferred to repress those sinful feelings, even though it became harder and harder with each day that passed, every time he spent time with Blake, which was quite often, though they hadn’t even known each other for a year. 

“Scho?”

But he felt now that he wouldn’t be able to be away from him for too long….

“Scho!!”

Said man was finally snapped back to reality by a voice that was so familiar. 

Speaking of the devil….

Schofield had been leaning against a tree, far from all the other soldiers, where he couldn’t be seen, his eyes closed, hoping to get a bit of privacy, but generally it never lasted for long. 

He opened his eyes and was met with the sight of Blake’s legs, or rather his khaki muddy trousers that looked to be too large for him. 

He looked up slowly and locked eyes with the younger boy. 

Blue staring into blue. 

“What is it?” Schofield asked him, looking slightly annoyed to have had his stream of thoughts disrupted. 

But deep down, he was cursing himself for having such thoughts about him, begging for the aching sensation taking all over his body to stop. 

He kept repeating to himself that he shouldn’t be feeling this way, but it was no use. He was totally powerless against those overwhelming feelings. 

“There’s a letter for you that arrived not that long ago,” Blake simply replied, looking extremely calm and composed for once. 

He extended his arm, said letter in hand. 

Schofield’s gaze shifted from Blake’s bright blue eyes to the letter. 

He froze instantly in his spot. He knew it was a letter from home. From his wife. It couldn’t be anyone else. He actually didn’t want to take it, let alone read it. 

He stared at it wordlessly as if it were some kind of cursed gift. Blake just kept staring at him, noticing his expression. 

“Is there a problem?” the younger male asked him, with a tiny hint of concern in his voice. 

Schofield didn’t react, but he knew he had to do something. He didn’t want Blake to think of him as a weirdo or something like that. 

So he just ended up taking the letter from the other’s hand. Once he had it in his own hands, he looked at it for a few seconds before he put it down in the long blades of grass next to him. 

“Why aren’t you opening it?” Blake asked him quizzically. 

Schofield didn’t even dare to stare in his eyes anymore. 

“I’ll read it later,” he said in a low voice before he closed his eyes again. 

Blake didn’t really understand why he was acting that way. 

“And why not now?” 

Schofield didn’t even know what he should answer.

“You’re not tasked with doing anything, so you’ve got plenty of time to read it and even write back,” Blake pointed out. 

“That’s the thing. Since I have plenty of free time, I’ll still have time to read it later. Now I’d just like to get some rest if you don’t mind,” he retorted flatly.

Still, Blake seemed to be taken aback by his stoic and cold demeanor, even though he should have been used to it by now.

He stood still without replying anything, and still staring at the older man as if he didn’t know what else he could do.

After remaining like that for a few moments, he eventually decided to sit down next to Schofield, leaning against the tree as well. He was careful not to sit on the letter as he did. 

Schofield just wished he could have gone away, but at the same time he wanted the younger lad to be always close to him, and never leave his side. 

He couldn’t take it anymore, to be so conflicted. 

“Oy,” Bake uttered to catch his attention as he still had his eyes closed. 

It took him a few seconds to open them. As soon as he did he saw the letter again. 

“You shouldn’t leave it in the grass. You might step on it unintentionally or even forget it.”

Schofield stared at it again with impassive eyes, not even sparing Blake a glance. 

“I guess you’re right,” he said that because he couldn’t come up with anything better to say. 

He took the letter again, and put it away in the inside pocket of his uniform jacket. 

A small lopsided smile suddenly appeared at the corner of Blake’s lips. 

“I’m always right. You should know it by now,” the youngest of the two stated playfully, the smile he had not leaving his face. 

Blake seemed to like to tease him whenever he could. 

And Schofield liked to pretend that his teasing left him unaffected. 

“No you’re not,” he retorted, still composed, voice rather flat. 

Blake nudged his arm playfully, sending a shiver down Schofield’s spine. A mere touche from him could do that to him, and he still couldn’t believe it. 

Upon reflection, he guessed that Blake simply saw in him an elder brother, since his was away from him. 

And he guessed he should see him as a little brother, whom he would always protect and watch over, since he didn’t have one. Nothing more. 

They both fell silent after that. The lopsided smile on Blake’s face faded, and they stared into the distance, a light breeze blowing in the tree they were leaning on and grass, the blades of grass and leaves dancing gracefully. 

“Scho,” Blake ended up saying gravely after a few minutes of silence.

Schofield simply glanced at him. 

“Hm?”

Blake waited for a few seconds before he spoke up again, as if he were hesitating. 

“You know you can tell me everything, right?”

He somewhat sounded like a little fragile animal as he spoke those words. 

_No, not everything._

_You’re wrong._

But of course, he wasn’t going to reply such things. 

“I know.”

It was a dumb reply, a reply that just could fit in any conversation when you didn’t know what else to say, a way to avoid the silence, and that could just mean everything and anything. 

There was a short moment of silence. 

“So why won’t you tell me? I can see something’s off.”

Shit. He wasn’t being careful enough with he way he was acting. He just had to pretend everything was normal and alright. But he couldn’t even do that, as simple as it seemed. 

And trying to lie his way out of this situation would probably make things worse for him. He perfectly knew Tom wasn’t dumb. He could be many things, but not dumb, despite his youthfulness. 

“I guess there is too much going on my mind already,” he finally answered thoughtfully, managing to act without displaying how he was truly feeling inside. 

That was the cleverest move he could think of in such a limited amount of time. 

Blake looked at him attentively from the corner of his eye as he spoke, and even afterward. 

Before Blake could respond anything, Schofield spoke up again. 

“Sometimes I feel like my brain’s going to burst,” he added solemnly. 

Blake turned his head slightly so he could stare at him, not only from the corner of his eye. 

“You’re overthinking way too much, Scho. You should really try to take your mind off things, you know,” Tom advised him. 

If only it was that easy…. It was much easier said than done. 

“I know that. But I just don’t know how,” he simply responded. 

They both fell silent again afterward, as if Blake had no idea what to say next. 

They just listened to the leaves rustling in the tree above them, Blake staring back into the distance with an unreadable look plastered on his face. 

The sun was still high in the sky as it was afternoon. Given its position, it must have been around 4 pm.

After some time, Blake unexpectedly leaned his head on Schofield’s shoulder, making his heart skip a beat. That was too much closeness and all too sudden. 

Schofield tried to reassure himself, saying to himself that that was only a brotherly move on Blake’s part, and there was nothing wrong in doing that. They were only like brothers. Nothing more. 

He figured out Blake just needed some affection, and maybe some warmth. 

He didn’t move, nor did he say anything. He just remained still as a statue, trying to calm down the erratic beating of his heart, and keeping control over his breathing so it wouldn’t become shaky or ragged. 

But it was extremely hard for him to do so as he could feel Blake’s hot breath hit gently the skin of his neck, making him shudder. 

_Don’t panic, Schofield. Don’t panic_ , he kept repeating to himself. _Just stay calm and composed. It’s no big deal. You’re not doing anything wrong._  
Yet, in spite of saying that, he couldn’t help feeling that he was actually doing something wrong. 

He squeezed his eyes shut, and inhaled deeply before exhaling slowly. After that, he bit his lower lip as he started thinking of his wife and daughters, remembering every detail of their faces, and clothes. 

He tried to imagine it was his wife next to him instead of Blake, but he failed. 

He couldn’t take all of this frustration and guilt anymore. 

He really needed to do something about it, and quick. 


	2. For the better or the worse?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's just the beginning of angst... but there's also a little bit of fluff!

Ever since that day, Schofield had been trying to avoid Blake as much as possible, even though it was really difficult in a place so confined such as the trenches where all the men were crammed, and all the more so when Blake was so clingy. 

Whenever the younger bloke would try to talk to him, he would just give him the cold shoulder, and walk away from him when he could much to Blake’s great incomprehension. 

It may not have been the best thing to do, but it was the only viable solution he had found to try to banish from his mind all those wrong feelings toward him.

Anyway, he couldn’t ignore Blake indefinitely without eventually having to confront him about that. 

One day, as Schofield was in the camp near the tree where they were used to leaning against, Blake approached him, and this time he would have none of it. 

He wanted to have an explanation about Schofield’s sudden change in behaviour. 

“Schofield!” He yelled to get the other’s attention, maybe a bit too loud. 

Said man just ignored him as usual, but Blake started running and went to stand right before him, not ready to let Schofield go anywhere. 

“What is that all about?” Blake asked him, a hint of anger noticeable in his voice, mostly due to overwhelming frustration. 

But the last thing Schofield wanted was to start an argument with the younger lad. This was neither the right place or time for that. 

“Why are you doing that? You’ve been ignoring me ever since that day when I gave you that letter!”

Schofield was trying to remain composed and impassive, but that wasn’t that easy in such circumstances. 

“Blake,” he started as if trying to reason him, “This is neither-”

“Just fucking answer me for God’s sake!!!!”

This began drawing the attention of other men around men, much to Schofield’s dislike. 

Blake had no idea what he was doing… He didn’t give a damn about how the others would react, but Schofield did. 

“Just quiet down, will you?” Schofield demanded, half yelling and half whispering. 

“I just wanna know what I did wrong to deserve the cold shoulder!”

Schofield could feel something starting to break in him as Blake said that. 

His mouth became dry and he could then feel a lump starting to form in his throat. 

He could still manage to stare into Blake’s blue eyes, and see the different emotions reflected in them, which made his stomach ache with an unpleasant sensation. 

_You… You didn’t do anything wrong…_ He desperately wanted to say, but the words just wouldn’t come out of his mouth. 

Instead, he managed to say and act the exact opposite of how he was feeling deep down. 

“I… I’m so sick and tired of you, Blake! If only you knew! You’re so clingy, I’ve never seen someone so clingy in my whole damn life! Just can’t you go and find someone else to cling to?! Just leave me alone!!”

He tried to shout not too loud, so they wouldn’t draw all the attention on them, even though most of the men were too shell-shocked to even pay attention to such trivial things as these kinds of childish arguments. 

Blake seemed to be left speechless as his mouth was slightly agape, sheer shock written all over his soft and youthful features. 

Schofield really hated himself for daring to say such things to him, especially in such a tone. But at the same time, he really hoped this would help to repress those sinful feelings. 

They both remained silent for a few moments. It almost seemed like the world had stopped spinning, as if what was around them didn’t exist anymore. 

A cold shoulder that had turned into what was like a real cold shower for Blake. 

He really seemed to be at a loss for words. He looked away, his gaze shifting from one thing to another restlessly, as he was looking totally upset. 

But at some point he stared into Schofield’s eyes again. 

“I thought…” he trailed off, unable to finish his sentence. “I just thought… we were friends at least…”

Break. 

“I… I had no idea I was such a burden to you…”

Break. 

“You could have just told me directly how you felt instead of acting like that. I could have understood.”

Break. 

“But don’t worry I won’t bother you any longer if that’s what you want.”

It was the awfullest thing Schofield had ever had to deal with. His heart was clutching painfully in his chest. 

Hurt, hurt, hurt. That’s all he could feel, hear and see. The hurt in Blake’s eyes, in his voice even though he tried to dissimulate it as best he could; the hurt that made the atmosphere so heavy and tense that it was becoming unbearable. 

Shortly after saying that, Blake turned around to walk away at a steady pace without saying another word. Only then did Schofield’s face crumple, revealing his true emotions. 

A part of him wanted to call after him, even run after him and apologise, to tell him he hadn’t meant what he had said; the part that loved him. But he was frozen in his spot, unable to do anything or even to utter a single word. 

He just watched the younger bloke walk away helplessly. He couldn’t really believe Blake had actually bought his lie. 

He must have been too good an actor…

He silently cursed himself for what he had just done. 

Blake really didn’t deserve that. 

  
🌸🌸  
🌸🌸

Three weeks later, it was finally winter time; the winter of 1916, a harsh and extremely cold winter. A winter that was hard for all the men crammed in the trenches, whether they were English, French or German. 

The whole French landscape had turned to white, clear crystal white, covering every single patch of land and even the trees. 

In Schofield’s and Blake’s regiment most of the soldiers were staying in their cramped spaces dug in the earth as cots weren’t available for everyone, trying to get as much warmth as they could. Their uniforms, as thick as they looked, were not enough to keep them warm.

Some of them even went as far as to share blankets, the few available they had, pressed close to each other to try to prevent the cold from freezing their bones, becoming even more cramped in the already small spaces of the trenches, but they didn’t mind that. In times of war like these, anything could be acceptable not to die completely frozen.

It was one evening, a few days after Christmas. Neither Schofield nor Blake had been granted a leave to get back home. Unlike Blake, Schofield didn’t give much thought to it. He was even relieved by not having been granted that leave, because he felt he wouldn’t have been able to face his wife because of his feelings for Blake. Those feelings that still hadn’t faded away, no matter how hard he had been trying to push them away. 

The only thing he could think of was Blake. He had been missing him so much. His voice, laugh, smiles, the warmth he radiated, his mere presence. 

He had really made a huge mistake. Instead of changing his feelings toward the younger lad in a kind of love that wouldn’t be sinful, his idea and decision had only made things much worse. 

He loathed the distance between them so much. He wanted things to get back to the way they were before, before they had had that stupid argument. He wanted to be near him again. He was feeling like he was becoming totally insane now. 

And he realised he would have no other choice than to do the first move if he wanted that to happen. But at the same time, he was afraid, afraid he might have messed up too bad or that he would do something stupid. 

So he remained sitting in his own cramped space, his arms crossed over his chest, watching the snow fall as it was getting darker and darker, frozen and shivering. He didn’t even have a blanket to wrap around his trembling body. 

He let out a shaky breath, the air coming out from his nose looking like fog. 

He felt that he needed to move. Otherwise he would end up becoming a real iceberg. 

He unfolded his arms slowly and carefully as if he were afraid he might break one bone in his body, before he stood up swiftly. He didn’t even bother to take his pack with him. Anyway, there was nothing to steal inside of it, and he didn’t need it for what he was about to do. 

He simply took a torch which he had so he could clearly see where he would be going, even if he knew the trenches well enough by now to find his way in the dark. 

He wandered around for a little while until his eyes were caught by a familiar sight. 

It was Blake of course. He was sitting in his own cramped space, even though his seemed to be a bit wider than Schofield’s, a blanket wrapped around him, but he wasn’t sleeping. He was just staring blankly ahead of him, probably watching the snow falling just like Schofield had a few moments earlier. 

Even as the older man was now standing in front of him, blocking his vision, he didn’t bat an eyelash. He remained still and stoic as a statue as if Schofield were invisible. 

Schofield didn’t move either. He remained frozen in his spot, staring at the younger boy intently, an unreadable expression on his face. 

This lasted for a few minutes. 

“Are you going to remain standing here all night long or what?” Blake ended up asking him, breaking the silence, seemingly annoyed. 

But Schofield was unable to reply anything. Nothing would come out of his mouth. He just kept staring at Blake looking as if he was trying to silently apologise for what he had done. 

Blake locked eyes with him and maintained the eye contact for a while, a poker face on. 

At some point, he let out a heavy sigh before he shifted in the small space he had. 

“Come, don’t stay out there, you’re going to freeze and catch your death of cold that way,” Blake told him. 

Schofield couldn’t believe what he was hearing. 

How could Blake be that nice to him after the way he had behaved with him? 

“Come,” Blake insisted, not really looking happy. 

After staring at him for a few more instants, Schofield finally complied and crouched down before he somehow managed to sit down next to Blake in a very uncomfortable position that looked almost weird, being pressed to him so close that he thought they might have got crushed in such a confined space. 

Blake struggled to wrap the blanket around him as well so they could share it, but he eventually managed to do it. 

“Bloody French cold…” Blake cursed under his breath. 

Schofield remained silent, stealing glances at Blake every now and then. 

The atmosphere was somewhat tense and Schofield couldn’t put up with it anymore. 

“I’m sorry,” he merely said, in a grave tone. 

Blake looked at him with a quizzical expression on his face, his brows slightly knitted, showing he had no clue what Schofield was talking about. 

“Why should you be?” 

There were a few seconds of silence before the older male replied. 

“I should’ve never talked to you the way I did. I’m sorry. I really am.”

Blake looked as if he weren’t convinced by Schofield’s sudden apologies. 

“I…” Schofield seemed to hesitate about what he was to say next. “I was just concerned and frustrated about something that had nothing to do with you…”

_Liar._

“…And…I didn’t really mean what I told you that time. I just needed to remain alone for a while. I just… I guess I didn’t know how to tell you that in a normal way.”

Blake just remained silent, seemingly pondering over Schofield’s words. 

In fact, he preferred not to ask him what had frustrated and concerned the older man to such an extent that he had behaved so rudely with him. He preferred to be kept in the dark on that matter. 

“So…Can we be friends again…?” Schofield ended up asking him hesitantly, fearing his silence might not be a good sign. 

There was still no reaction on Blake’s part. Schofield stiffened, every muscle in his body tensing, but not because of the cold this time. 

He had messed up too badly… How could he dare ask him to be friends again now? 

“I totally understand if you don’t want to, I know I-” he started saying, panic raising in him. 

“Just promise me you won’t do that ever again,” Blake cut him off gravely.

Schofield was left dumbstruck. 

He certainly hadn’t expected Blake to reply such a thing. But deep down, he was actually relieved he had. He could feel some of the tension in his muscles ease. 

“I promise,” he stated solemnly. 

Even though Schofield couldn’t clearly see it because of the dark, a tiny smile creeped across Blake’s lips. 

None of them said anything else after that. 

Blake just ended up leaning his head on Schofield’s shoulder, déjà vu. The mere contact still made Schofield shudder. 

_You are doing nothing wrong. It’s just a way to get warmer. You’re not the only ones doing that._

He relished in the warmth that Blake was giving off, even though he was as cold as he was. 

Next thing the older male knew, Blake was wrapping his arms around him under the blanket before he nestled his head in the crook of Schofield’s neck so he could try to get more comfortable. 

Schofield didn’t move an inch; he simply didn’t dare. He just stared ahead of him blankly, trying not to shake too much. 

Seemingly not happy with his current position, Blake shifted again, and Schofield froze as the younger male’s chapped lips brushed against the skin of his neck. Blake had just done it inadvertently; that didn’t mean anything at all. 

Blake ended up closing his eyes after a few instants, apparently pleased with the new position he was in. 

Schofield realised he came full circle. He was torn between different emotions once again. 

On the one hand, he wanted to hug Blake so bad and never let go of him, as he enjoyed his mere presence. Everything about him was so good. Schofield was feeling safe as he was pressed in the younger male’s embrace. But on the other hand, there were still those feelings of shame and guilt for those unnatural feelings. And he was really glad his wife and daughters couldn’t see him right now. 

Those thoughts kept torturing him, making him unable to fully enjoy Blake’s presence. 

He wouldn’t be surprised if he were to die at the front sooner or later as a divine punishment. At least, he could reconcile with Blake. 

He didn’t get one ounce of sleep that night. 

_We’re just friends_ , he kept repeating to himself desperately. 

He repeated those words so many times that they didn’t make any more sense to him after a while. 

_Nothing more._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! So I hope those who liked the first chapter weren't disappointed by that one.   
> Please, comments give me life (not that I don't like kudos) but I love to have people's opinions about what I write; so feel free to let me know what you thought about it ;) 
> 
> Also, I don't really know what I should do for the next chapter... I mean, should I directly skip to the moment of the movie where Tom is stabbed and let their romance start after the attack has been called off or should I try to start a little bit of romance before? Like some sort of pre-canon where there would be a first kiss, you know, I really don't know what would be best... This is a real dilemma.   
> So don't hesitate to let me know what you'd prefer :) because I'm a really indecisive person...
> 
> Just one last thing, I'm sorry if there's some historical inaccuracy. As much as I love history, I'm far from being a specialist in that field.


	3. Sunset

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I tried to establish some romance, but I think I've kinda failed...  
> (Yes, also I kinda suck at summaries..)  
> So let's just say everything is in the title.

A few months later, there was eventually the start of spring that relieved all the soldiers. It came like a sort of liberation for them as the snow had now melted, which meant they could enjoy the light spring breeze and the warm sun. 

Things had come back to normal between Blake and Schofield. Scho managed as well as he could to repress his feelings for Blake deep down inside him and acted like an overprotective big brother with him, who could be annoyed by his behaviour sometimes but who always cared much more than he should ever have inside. 

Blake still liked to tease him whenever he could and would make him smile with one of his funny stories whenever he noticed Schofield looked sad or too thoughtful about whatever was on his mind. 

One late afternoon as the sun was about to set, they were both sitting under the tree they had got used to leaning against. It was always the same; it would never change. It had somehow become their personal shared space, no other soldier would generally come sit with them or maybe some did whenever they weren’t there, but they were sure at least they would never be disturbed there, unless someone went to look for them to task them with something that couldn’t wait, which actually didn’t happen that often. They were out of ear shot and out of sight, which they were thankful for. 

They were sitting close to each other but not pressed up against each other and they were both silent; but it wasn’t awkward in any way. 

When they were sitting there like that, so peacefully, in that beautiful French field, one of the very few things that were left unscathed by the horrors of the war, it seemed that the war was finally over, that they were safe without being home, that they somehow belonged there together. It was in those kinds of moments that they felt they weren’t soldiers anymore, but just mere human beings, freed from toil and pain, if only temporarily. 

Schofield had had a leave and thus come back home to his daughters and wife. But he had really hated it. 

First, because it was so heart-breaking to have to leave again to go back to the horrors of the trenches and think he might never see them again. 

Second, because he had been more ashamed than he had ever been due to his feelings for Blake. He had been hardly able to make eye contact with his own wife, had had trouble to even touch her, or kiss her, not that he didn’t love her anymore. Things had just…changed since the middle of the war. And worst of all, he had missed Blake, so much so that it had almost hurt him. He had wondered what the younger bloke had been doing most of the time, his mind wandering even when he was with his daughters or wife, or the three of them. 

Of course, his wife had noticed something seemed to be off, and she had tried to talk about it with him, but seeing he hadn’t been feeling like addressing that issue, she had ended up keeping quiet about it, never bringing it up again in the short amount of time they had had left together. 

He still couldn’t believe to a certain extent how a young lad like Blake had been able to shatter his world in such a short amount of time. How he had come to make him question his own conception of love. 

They both watched attentively as the sun was finally starting to set. It was truly a wonderful spectacle, a real blessing. The sky was tinted with really beautiful pastel colours. It gave a sense of warmth even if the sun was gradually fading away in the distant horizon. 

They just kept silent during the whole time, just enjoying each other’s presence. It was quite enough for them. 

As the sun had fully disappeared a few moments later and as the light was growing dimmer and dimmer, Blake finally broke the silence. 

“Schofield?” He asked him in an interrogative tone. 

“Yes?” Said man answered as he was still staring in the distance with a calm look on his face. 

Silence followed his ‘yes” and lasted for a few moments as if Blake was hesitating about whether he should really say what he wanted to say. 

“No, nothing. Sorry for disturbing you.”

The older man glanced at him. 

“You haven’t disturbed me. Now tell me what’s on your mind.”

But Blake didn’t respond. 

“Blake?”

But the younger one didn’t seem to be willing to say anything any longer. He looked somewhat embarrassed. 

“Come on,” Schofield urged him as he was now looking at him. But Blake didn’t look back. 

Schofield hated it whenever Blake looked like he was preoccupied by something he had no idea what it could be. It seldom happened, but when it did, Schofield wanted to cheer him up, even though he was far from being as good as Blake was for that kind of things. 

He loved the smiley Blake more than anything else, maybe a bit too much. 

“Promise you won’t be mad at me first?” Blake said in a low and concerned voice, a hint of fear in it. 

Schofield coked an eyebrow. 

“Why should I be?” He asked back as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. 

“Schofield,” Blake insisted, raising his tone a bit.

The older man was still staring at him. 

“I won’t,” he said trying to sound reassuring. 

For some reason, he was now fearing the worst. But he had to know now. Blake had piqued his curiosity. And it was too late to back out now. 

Blake let out a quiet, shaky breath that Schofield still managed to make out. 

“Would you…Agree to kiss me?”

Had Schofield not been already sitting down, he may have collapsed to the ground instantly after hearing that. 

He froze, becoming unable to think clearly anymore. 

“Don’t start imagining things,” Blake hurried to say, “I’d just like to test that out. That’s all.”

That’s all. 

Those words echoed in Schofield’s mind becoming more and more distant with each second that passed. 

He could only think he was more conflicted now than he had ever been. 

“I’ve never had the occasion to kiss a girl yet…” Blake confessed, and Schofield realised he had never confessed about something so personal before. 

They had never talked about things that were too intimate; at least Schofield didn’t like to mainly because it reminded him too much of home. 

“…And if I were to die on the front line, I wouldn’t like to die without having had the chance of kissing one. But since there are no girls in those bloody trenches, a fellow soldier is the only option left…”

He had stopped looking at Blake by the time the latter had finished his sentence. 

Schofield came to think he might have been dreaming all of this and that he had merely fallen asleep without realising it while watching the sun set. 

No. It all seemed too real to be just a dream. 

He moved his arm slightly and pressed his palm against the ground. He could feel the fresh and soft grass underneath it. So he couldn’t be dreaming. 

He blinked several times in a row just to make sure. 

He tried to slowly regain his composure, taking slow and deeps breaths. 

“You know what, just forget about it,” Blake ended up saying, still looking somehow afraid. “It was just a stupid thing to say, and it would be even stupider to actually do it.”

Schofield couldn’t deny he had a point. 

“ _You_ , Thomas Blake, the young, brave and stubborn soldier who is usually so optimistic and determined to win the war to get back home, you’re now afraid of dying on the battlefield?” Schofield finally said after exhaling deeply one last time. There was a very slight hint of irony in his voice as he said that. 

Blake finally dared to look at him. 

“‘guess your resignation and pessimism ended up rubbing off on me,” Blake managed to reply confidently, with a slight hint of teasing in his voice. 

Schofield cocked an eyebrow once again as he glanced at the younger boy. 

He held back a laugh. But his mood changed in a flash. 

“I’m sure you don’t mean at all what you said, do you? You’re just putting on a show,” the older man then said incredulously. 

“No, I’m serious for Christ’s sake. I thought you were the only one I could ask that, the only one that wouldn’t see me as some kind of weirdo, or even worse…”

Blake paused and Schofield didn’t say anything. He looked blankly into the distance, trying not to think about anything any more. 

“This…Won’t mean anything, you know,” Blake reminded him after a few instants, unsure of himself. 

Schofield could feel his heart clench in his chest. 

“It’ll just be a secret between us. No one else will ever know. And this is just something harmless. No one will suffer from it,” Blake tried to convince him, and to convince himself at the same time.

Schofield let out a shaky breath as he closed his eyes. 

“You don’t know what you’re saying, Blake,” he stated, almost looking annoyed. 

“Okay, then let’s just stop talking about it and pretend that conversation never happened,” Blake replied after a few seconds of silence, a hint of anger noticeable in his voice, which was again due to frustration. 

It was too tempting now, way too tempting for the older man. But he just couldn’t do it, because it would mean the world to him, and not just that…

But at the same time…

He wanted to believe what Blake had said. That it would just be a harmless kiss between two desperate men that were lonely and missed the presence of women, and a first experience for Blake, even if he could have had much better for a first kiss. 

After all, such a kiss wouldn’t be considered cheating, right? 

Besides, at the back of his mind, he couldn’t help but think it was a cruel reminder that Blake might die at anytime. Maybe tomorrow or in a few months, who knows. 

So this would be his only chance to.... have a taste of his lips. 

Next thing Blake knew, he was being pulled strongly and then kissed by Schofield. 

The kiss only lasted a few seconds, but it was enough for Blake to let out a surprised moan.

Schofield had pulled away so quickly (and as unexpectedly as he had just kissed him) that even if he had wanted to, he couldn’t have kissed back.

The older man let go of him and didn’t meet his gaze.

However, all of a sudden, Blake kissed him, catching him out of guard, and was able to make the kiss last longer as he sneaked his hands behind Schofield’s head to hold him in place. Blake was strong too, despite being so young, which had surprised Schofield at the time when he had first met him. 

Both closed their eyes during the kiss and Blake was the one to pull away this time, letting go of Schofield’s head as he did so. 

“When I said ‘kiss’, I meant a _real_ kiss,” he said somewhat tauntingly. 

But deep down, he was just as flipped as Schofield was. 

The latter started feeling dizzy, and he assumed Blake wasn’t feeling the same way at all. 

Kissing a man was actually like kissing a woman; after all they were made of the same lips, tongue, and the same face, except that women couldn’t grow beards or moustaches, and that they tended to have softer facial features compared to men. 

But Blake’s lips tasted like…… Well, they tasted like Blake himself; they had a taste he had never experienced before, just like his own love for the younger bloke, a taste that was proper to Blake, so unique and hard to describe, and so intoxicating. 

The taste of his lips was the polar opposite of that of his wife’s lips. It was so different that it took him aback. 

Even after kissing her so many times, one taste, as fleeting as it had been, of Blake’s lips had felt a million times better than all those kisses the married couple had shared. 

Schofield suddenly shook his head frantically to shake the thought out of his mind.

“Was it that bad?” The familiar voice suddenly caught his attention. 

“What?” He said looking somewhat dazed as if he had been in another world.

“The kiss,” Blake trailed off. 

Schofield stared into his blue eyes with a blank gaze. 

“I’m sorry if it was,” Blake apologised before he could say anything. 

Schofield could feel something stir in his stomach. Blake couldn’t have liked the kiss as much as he had anyway. So he should be the one apologising instead. But he didn’t. 

He knew this kind of thing would never happen again, but what he didn’t know was that Blake was actually feeling the same way toward him. 

Blake knew that Schofield had a wife and two daughters, at least that’s what he had figured out after he had once seen Schofield look at the black and white photographs that he always kept preciously in his tin box without getting caught red-handed. 

No, Schofield wasn’t wearing a wedding ring on his left ring finger, but he had guessed wearing such a thing while being at war wasn’t really suited in such a place. He had never paid attention whether other soldiers wore one, and honestly he had never cared. Only Schofield interested him. 

Schofield wasn’t a husband or a father here, he was just a soldier fighting for his country just like millions of other men. 

As for Blake, he could wear his signet rings because they didn’t define him as anything, well at least he wouldn’t remove them even if he were asked to. 

As he had been afraid of being rejected by Schofield (thinking as well the other male would be disgusted if he were to learn about his feelings), the only thing he had been able to come up with was making up that lame excuse, which had more or less worked, to his great relief, so he could pass off his true feelings as something that wouldn’t mean anything. 

If he were to die tomorrow, at least he could die happily, even though a part of him was dying inside because he was well aware that Schofield could never be his. 

Schofield had no idea what he was doing to him, and vice versa. 

“It was…okay…” Schofield eventually said, trying to sound as casual as possible, which had never been that easy to do. 

That simple statement made Blake smile, a small but genuine smile. At least he was sure Schofield wouldn’t hate him for that, and he was really glad for it. He felt like a weight had just been lifted off his shoulders. 

He ended up leaning back against the tree, in the same position he had been in before Schofield had pulled him to close the gap between them, and closed his eyes peacefully. 

That memory would be etched in his mind forever, even after he died. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! So here's another chapter and I hope it was good enough. This was my attempt at a first kiss scene, even though it's not real romance yet, so I still hope you liked it!  
> Now I don't know if I should try to write more pre-canon.. I haven't planned that fanfic to be that long even though I don't know yet how many chapters there will be precisely.
> 
> As always, comments are much appreciated :) 
> 
> Thanks to all of you who are still reading this!! It really means a lot to me <3


	4. Perilous mission

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> April 6th, 1917, the terrible day when Schofield almost lost Blake...

_April 6th, 1917_

That precise day had been the worst, awfullest day in the whole life of Schofield, (and that of Blake too for that matter). 

It was the day when he had almost lost Blake, when he had thought he had actually lost him for good and that he would never have had the occasion of seeing him ever again.

He had been somewhat pissed and dismayed because of Blake’s suicidal determination. But he would have never left him to go on on his own no matter how pissed he may have been. He had known for sure that Blake would have never made it had he been left all alone, you can tell by the fact that he was stabbed. 

Yes, it was a mission to save his brother, and 1599 other innocent men as well, but Blake’s brother was what had mattered the most to him, otherwise Erinmore wouldn’t have chosen him for that mission. 

Of Course, Schofield could understand that he wanted to save his brother at all costs, just like his brother would have done for him; but he would have been certainly much less reckless to do it. 

Had it been his brother he would have wanted to save him just like Blake, but he would have been wiser to do it, and not as kind as Blake had been…

Schofield knew better than the younger boy did. He had survived the massacre of the Somme that Blake had absolutely no idea what it had been like. Blake hadn’t realised how dangerous a mission it actually was; a mission in which one of them could have died, or both of them. 

But now that he was leaning against that tree, the tree that reminded him so much of the tree he and Blake had shared back in their own camp, he decided he couldn’t be mad anymore at the younger lad for his recklessness and stupid, dangerous determination. 

No. The only one he could bear a grudge against was himself only. 

He had never been so mad at himself before. He had failed to protect someone he loved. He would have never forgiven himself for that had Blake really died. It would have haunted him until his death. 

Blake was too pure, too innocent, too good for this fucking mad world and war. His kindness and humanity was what had almost killed him… What _could_ have killed him...

Who could have thought such a thing could be possible before the war? 

There he was, now looking at the photographs of his wife and two daughters with the words ‘ _Come back to us xx_ ’ written at the back on one of them, longing and love rushing through his veins. Longing for home, for getting far away from this living hell for good. He squeezed his eyes shut, but as soon as he did, unpleasant memories invaded his mind, a thing over which he couldn’t have any control. 

Memories of Blake.

Everything came rushing back so suddenly; images flashing up on his mind as if it was a movie. 

The field with all the cherry blossom trees that had been slashed. 

The abandoned house. 

The barn.

The dogfight. 

The plane crash. 

The German pilot that they saved. 

_The enemy._

Him wanting to shoot him on the spot. 

Blake refusing and telling him to go fetch some water instead. 

Blake’s yells. 

Him rushing toward him and seeing Blake being stabbed.

Him shooting the pilot with his rifle. 

Him approaching Blake and trying to make him stand up. But he had been too weakened to be able to walk. 

Him trying to stop the bleeding. 

Fortunately, Captain Smith’s men had arrived just in time. Had they arrived a few minutes later, Blake would have certainly passed. He would have died with Schofield by his side, being totally powerless to save him. 

The men had helped him transport Blake, or rather it should be said that he had helped the men transport him; but Blake had reminded him that he had a mission to complete. But Schofield hadn’t wanted to leave him. _But_ , Blake had insisted, urging him to go not to waste any more time and telling him he had to save his brother for him, and that he would be okay, even though he had been very pale as he had said that. 

After saying all of this, he had told Schofield to take the letter that he had been keeping in his pocket and that was meant to be delivered to Colonel MackKenzie, which Schofield had complied to. Blake had then told him he would recognize his brother, because he looked just like him, just a little bit older. 

So the older man had reluctantly let go of him and let the two men carry him to the nearest aid post, hoping he would really be fine, praying that he wouldn’t die; even though he didn’t really believe in anything anymore after all the horrors he had witnessed, even now. 

Yet, the two men had let him know about their doubts before he could leave to complete the mission. They had highly doubted he would survive his wound, given his physical state, but had nonetheless promised they would do everything in their power to try and save him. They had hurried up before Blake could fall unconscious as Schofield had been watching them go away in sheer silence, well aware as well that time was the enemy. 

His breath had become ragged and uneven, and tears had been welling up at the corner of his eyes, threatening to fall at any time. 

Then, Captain Smith himself had approached him. 

“A friend?” He had asked him. 

Schofield had been able to feel a lump form in his throat at the mention of that word. 

Blake was much more than that, which had been making the pain a hundred times worse. 

He had only mumbled a feeble ‘yes’ as he had been still staring blankly into the distance, in the direction where the men had gone with Blake. 

“We’ll do everything we can to help save him. But if ever he were not to survive, let me remind you of one thing that you must already know. Don’t dwell on it.”

How the hell was he supposed not to dwell on it? 

Yes, he had already lost many men he had become friends with, but Blake wasn’t just a friend. It was the man, boy, because he couldn’t really be considered a man just yet, whom he had fallen in love with, the boy that had always managed to cheer him up and make him smile whenever he had felt down, the boy who had always made him feel safe whenever he had been near him.

And back then, just the day before, he had been all alone, forced to continue on his own, having to push the thought of a dying Blake out of his mind to focus on his mission, that is save 1600 men. 

But now that he was there, having succeeded in completing that nearly impossible mission, he could finally think of him. 

Something suddenly stirred in him. 

He needed to know. 

He needed to go and find Blake to find out whether he was still alive or not. 

He opened his eyes in a flash before he looked again at the two photographs that had been remaining in his hands. He hastily put them back where they belonged before he put away his tin back in his pocket, the one near his chest. 

Then he stood up swiftly, ignoring how tired he was feeling and the ache in his bones. 

He couldn’t not know. 

When he had finally found Blake’s brother, not so long earlier, he had told him he wasn’t sure whether Blake would survive or not his stabbing wound, and that it had looked to be really serious. But he was no medic. 

It had broken his heart to have to tell the man such dreadful news, that his little brother was somewhere between life and death. But it would have been a hundred times worse to have to tell him about his little brother’s death. 

He started running but before he could go past the aid post, a voice called his name. 

Speaking of the devil… 

Schofield reluctantly stopped running and turned his head to look in the direction of the familiar voice. 

There he was. Lieutenant Blake who looked so much like his younger brother, just like Tom had told him. 

Schofield stood still and stared at him, as if unable to do anything anymore. 

The other man approached him swiftly. 

“Where are you running to like that?” The older Blake asked him somewhat intrigued. 

Schofield stared at him blankly as if he had just seen some ghost. He seemed to be at a loss for words. 

“I…” he trailed off. “I need to go,” he managed to say gravely. 

Blake’s brother looked at him as if he had gone out of his mind. He seemed to be looking for the right words to say to him as he was slightly tilting his head to the side. 

“Will…” he started hesitantly. “I’m pretty sure you must have been through a lot to get here in time, but it’d be better if you stayed here to rest up, at least for a little while,” he advised him. 

“No, I can’t.”

He wanted to move aside since Blake’s brother was standing right before him, thus blocking the way and resume running, but the other man wouldn’t let him. 

“Listen, I know it must be difficult for you too, but there’s nothing you can do to save him, so you might as well stay here. Besides, I noticed you have your own wounds that need to be tended to.”

“These can wait. They are only mild wounds. This is no big deal. There are other men that need to be taken care of much more than I do. I just… I just don’t want to deprive someone of a cot,” he said as panic was raising in him. 

“A wound is a wound. Now matter how mild it may look. You need to have them treated. Besides, there are enough cots for every man, including you. Come on,” Lieutenant Blake insisted. 

“No!” He exclaimed getting more and more panicked.

All of a sudden, Blake gripped him by the shoulders to hold him in place before he could go anywhere. 

“Listen to me Will, please. You need to calm down. You’re in a state of shock. Just come with me. We’ll have your wounds treated, okay?”

“What? Don’t you wanna know too?!”

“Of course, I want to. I’ll check it out as soon as possible. But now, you are my top priority. I want to make sure you have your wounds treated. I may be already losing my little brother, so I wouldn’t like something to happen to someone who obviously cares about him.”

Lieutenant Blake managed to keep his composure, even though he was as worried as Schofield, well probably more actually. 

His answer left Schofield at a loss for words. 

“Come on now, the sooner the better.”

The older Blake let go of his shoulders to put one arm behind them and he started walking to take Schofield to the nearby aid post. He didn’t meet any resistance on the latter’s part. Schofield simply let himself be guided as he was looking totally empty, devoid of any emotion. 

When they got there, they kept walking, passing the different wounded men in the aisles as Blake was looking for an empty cot. Once they finally found one, Blake helped him sit down as Schofield didn’t seem to be able to move any longer. 

Someone quickly got near them. 

“Please, this young lad needs to have his wounds treated,” Blake said to the man who immediately nodded. “I’m going to go and try to find out about where he has been taken to,” he then trailed off as he spoke to Schofield. 

Schofield nodded feebly as he was staring blankly at the ground. 

Blake looked at him sympathetically and patted his left shoulder. 

“I’lll see you later,” he merely added before going away. 

Schofield remained still as a statue and mum as the unknown man started examining him closely. 

A while after, his hand had been cleaned and disinfected and dressed with a new gauze bandage and the blood that had been sticking in his hair because of his concussion had been washed as best as possible and the wound had been disinfected as well. 

By now, he was lying down on the cot that was temporarily his as the man had strongly advised he should get a good rest still due to his recent concussion. Will had complied, and there he was now, totally helpless and ignoring whether the one he had fallen in love with was still alive or not. 

He stared at the ceiling of the tent with a blank look, his blue eyes looking completely dull and lifeless. 

He could only think of Blake right now. If there really was a God in the skies who was watching all of them, he silently begged for him to spare Blake’s life. 

He was sure he would never get over his death if he were to die, and he would be the one to blame for it. Blake had saved his own life and he wasn’t even able to prevent him from being stabbed. He should have known better as he was the oldest and so the wisest of the two. He should have known he couldn’t trust the enemy. 

But he had felt like he couldn’t have denied Blake anything at that moment. There was just something in him that had made Schofield comply without any protest, almost as if Blake had put a spell on him. 

He then suddenly thought about the kiss he had shared with Blake a few weeks earlier. 

Blake who had wanted to do that because he had never kissed anyone before and if ever he had been to die on the front line, he had wished to try. Schofield couldn’t believe he would be his first and last kiss. No, he didn’t want to believe it. 

Blake had to survive. He couldn’t just die like that. He couldn’t have started his own life yet. He had plenty of things to live, like find a girl, settle down with her, then marry her and have his own kids, and find a job as well so he would become the family bread-winner. 

He deserved to be happy. 

But his chest ached with a pang of jealousy at the thought of Blake finding a girl and getting married. He knew he shouldn’t have been feeling that way, but he just couldn’t help it. 

Anyway, as long as Blake was happy, he would be happy, he ended up saying to himself; at least he tried to convince himself of that. 

He tried to reassure himself with the image of a smiling Blake, who would tell him that everything would be alright, but that of a dying Blake always replaced it, no matter how hard he was trying to erase the latter of his mind. 

He squeezed his eyes shut out of frustration and heaved a sigh. 

“Please, Blake, don’t… I swear if you do…” he murmured to himself desperately. 

He felt like crying but he choked back his tears as hard as it was. His lower lip was trembling like crazy and he just couldn’t help that. 

Boys don’t cry, let alone men. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! Here you go with a lot of angst and a sort of cliffhanger... I hope the chapter wasn't too bad written... I kinda got mixed up with the different tenses and the change in pov between Schofield and the narrator, the fact that the narrator knows he won't die but not Scho, and it has only been proofread by myself, so I apologise if there are any mistakes. 
> 
> Just don't worry Scho and Blake will be reunited soon enough ;) Also, I was thinking about shifting to Blake's pov in the next chapter, I mean I'd like to have his too, you know. Thought it might be a nice idea. 
> 
> Thanks again to all of you who are still reading this fic, you're all great!


	5. Hospital

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I think the title says it all.. (Yeah, I still suck at writing summaries)

As they were finally reaching the aid post, Blake began drifting in and out unconsciousness, his vision slowly blurring. He could hear voices shouting indistinctly that became more and more distant like echoes as the seconds were passing. He thought the end was near now, that he was about to die, dying alone with two unknown soldiers carrying him. 

He really wished Schofield could have been by his side as he was dying instead of them, but that was too late. He would never have the chance to see his face again, nor would he be able to talk to him, let alone touch him (a simple contact as when he took his hand to help him stand up).

He would never be able to see his mother or brother either. He wished he could have had the chance to see them one last time too, to say he loved them both, a thing he couldn’t have said to Schofield, had he remained by his side. 

Everything became suddenly pitch-dark as he was unable to pronounce Schofield’s name one last time, even though he tried hard. He could only trailed off weakly “Sch”, even though it sounded more like some strangled noise than real letters that had been being pronounced.   
If there really was an afterlife, he really hoped it would be much nicer than what was on earth. 

He would be waiting on the other side for Schofield. 

Blake struggled to open his eyes, and his vision was all blurry as he was doing so. 

Was he finally in heaven now? Probably. Or maybe in hell given his sinful thoughts.

Once his vision had cleared, all his eyes were met with was something that was decrepit and of a sort of light brownish colour, nothing really looking like something typically celestial. He was totally lost, had no idea where he was, whether he was alone or not, unsure of whether he was dead or not yet. 

He turned his head from left to right to try to have a look at his surroundings, and he quickly noticed that he wasn’t alone. There were plenty of other men lying in beds that didn’t really look in good shape. This had him figure out that he was probably lying down too, so he started to sit up swiftly. 

But the sharp pain in his stomach as he was trying to do so was a good reminder that he was still alive. 

He immediately fell back on the bed, his back hitting it none too gently, and he let out a yell of pain as he squeezed his eyes shut. 

A sudden surge of pain invaded his whole being, and now he regretted having woken up. He called for help as he didn’t know what else to do since he couldn’t even sit up. After shouting for a good minute without stopping, earning him complaints from some of the other men nearby, a nurse finally came rushing to his side. 

“Finally, you’ve woken up,” she said looking somehow worried and a little bit panicked. 

“I’m freaking in pain!!” He whined.

“Don’t worry, you’ll be okay,” the nurse said, trying to reassure him. “Just let me give you some more morphine,” she said before she started turning around to head towards where the morphine stocks were. 

“Wait! Where am I? What happened?!” He cried in pain. 

But as he shouted that the nurse was already on her way to go and get the medicine. She quickly came back with needed medicine and started putting the liquid into a syringe.

“Where am I? What happened?” Blake repeated the same question, still in pain, sounding desperate.

“You were transferred here not so long ago. Since you lost a lot of blood you had to receive a second blood transfusion when you first got here,” the nurse explained before she injected the morphine into his arm. 

“Am…Am I going to die…?” He asked her worriedly. 

“No. I think you should make it. If you should have died, you would be already dead by now, but fortunately you were taken care of quick enough to survive. Thank God.”

So that’s why one of the two privates had asked him for his blood type while they had been carrying him…

In a way, they had saved his life. 

“Now, you’re going to doze again for a while. You really need to rest after what happened to you. You know, it’s really rare to survive such a type of wound. But after all, we’ve seen men survive much worse wounds.”

Blake could feel his eyelids starting to close against his will. He tried to blink his eyes open, but it was pointless. 

“Don’t worry, you’re safe here,” those were the last words he heard the nurse say to him before everything became black pitch again. 

When he woke up again, his eyes were still met with the same ceiling. He didn’t know how much time had passed since he had been given morphine. 

He tried to sit up again, but his attempt was met with the exact same result as the first time he had tried earlier. He shouted in pain again. 

Quickly, the same nurse as earlier rushed by his side. 

“No! Don’t try to sit up! You need to remain lying down for now. You’re in no condition to sit for now. It would be too risky for you,” she said with a panicked voice. 

Blake groaned in pain. 

“I just can’t remain lying down here like some useless idiot! I need-” he was cut off by another sensation of sharp pain in his stomach that invaded his whole body as he was only trying to stir slightly which made him let out a yelp. 

“No, just don’t,” the nurse repeated like a mother would be scolding her child.

“I need some more morphine!” He whined. 

That wasn’t what he had meant to say in the first place, but that was what he needed the most right now. 

“I’m sorry,” she said apologetically, looking somehow embarrassed. “But you’ve had enough morphine for now. I can’t give you too much of it. It would be risky…”

“Then tell me what wouldn’t be risky?!” Tom said obviously annoyed. 

“Just stay as you are and don’t try to move anymore, it won’t be. You just need to be patient. Your recovery will be long, but I assure you it will be worth it in the end,” she replied with a small but sincere smile. 

But Blake only groaned in response. 

“I’ll come back to see you again in a while,” she said in a soft voice as she put one hand over his. 

Blake simply knitted his eyebrows in confusion as the contact lingered. 

His gaze shifted from their hands to her face to make eye contact with her. 

She looked like she was in her early twenties, having probably volunteered to join the war effort, and had soft brown eyes as well as soft features, and a mass of dark brown curly hair that reached her shoulders. 

“Could you…Could you write and send a letter for me?” He asked her in a low voice, sounding almost desperate. 

She seemed to be surprised at first by his request, but then her eyes softened. 

“Sure. Is it a letter for your family?”

“No. It’s for a friend.”

A friend… A word that Blake had grown to hate when talking about Schofield. 

“Oh. Well, I’ll be back soon,” she said with a soft smile.

She finally removed her hand from the back of his and turned away to make her way towards another patient. 

Blake stared at the ceiling again since it was all he could do for now. He hated feeling so powerless and having to stay lying down without being able to move an inch. He, who was usually so energetic and lively. He heaved a sigh. It was so frustrating to be stuck there. 

He then thought about Schofield. 

He needed to know. He needed to know whether he had succeeded in saving his brother or not, whether he had been able to see him and talk to him, and what he was doing now, if he was okay. 

It was driving him crazy not to know. 

Even if he had managed to survive, he feared he might have never seen again. 

And that mere thought really pained him, so much so it made his heart ache. 

He heaved another sigh. He didn’t even know where he was. He should have asked her before she left but had forgotten to do so. 

He felt the next hours were going to be long and painfully boring. 

  
***

_A few days later…_

Tom was dozing again, which had been lasting for a few hours after he had been administered another dose of morphine to ease the pain caused by his stabbing wound. 

But this time, when he fluttered his eyes open, he was met with an unexpected sight. 

“Scho…?” He uttered hardly above a whisper as he stared into the other’s blue eyes. 

The older male seemed to be too shocked to utter a single word. 

By now, he had learnt not to try to move any more to avoid the sharp pain that made him suffer so much. He waited for him to do something, to say something, but there was absolutely no reaction on Schofield’s part. He just remained standing still, frozen in his spot, staring back into Blake’s own blue eyes with a dazed look plastered on his face, his mouth slightly agape, as if he had seen something divine. 

It couldn’t be really him, Blake ended up saying to himself. He couldn’t really be there with him… It was only his imagination playing tricks on him. This was be too good to be true…

“Scho…” he repeated feebly. 

There were so many things he wanted to ask him, even though it wasn’t really him, but the words wouldn’t come out of his mouth. 

Maybe this was the very last time he would be seeing him. 

“There’s one thing I’ve been yearning to tell you for so long now..” He whispered. 

Of course, Schofield was intrigued by his statement but he remained mum, waiting for him to proceed which Blake did after a few seconds of silence. 

“I love you…” he muttered it in such a way that it was hardly audible, but Schofield still managed to catch it.

And now to say that he was shocked was clearly an understatement. 

“W-What…?” The older male trailed off in disbelief after a few moments of silence. 

“I love you so, _so_ , much…” Blake then said in the same way as he had a few instants earlier. “I know it may sound crazy but… the more I spent time with you, the more I was falling for you…”

Schofield was at a loss for words. All he could think of was that Blake must have been suffering from some kind of delirium because of what he had gone through…

Or maybe he had just been administered too much morphine. 

“I..I think I should call a nurse…” he simply trailed off before he scanned the room in search of one of them. 

“A nurse…?” Blake repeated confusingly. 

Wait…

“Scho…” Blake then said with a hint of worry in his voice. 

But said man seemed to be ignoring him as he kept scanning the room. 

“Scho…!” He really sounded desperate as he uttered the other’s name. “Please…Please, look at me.”

Silence. 

“Scho…” Blake silently begged him. 

Silence.

“Tell me this is not real… Tell me you’re just a part of my dream…”

Another beat of silence. 

Schofield reluctantly turned around to face him again. 

They briefly made eye contact with each other. 

“You can’t be really here…” Blake proceeded, still whispering, looking more and more horrified with each second that passed. 

Schofield didn’t dare to stare in the other’s eyes anymore. 

“Blake… This is not a dream… You’re not hallucinating… I’m really here…”

Blake froze as his heart skipped a beat. 

He could have died of a heart attack at that precise moment. 

No… He must have been dreaming… It couldn’t be possible….

He would never be able to face him again after that…

Blake hastily turned his head to the other side so he would be looking anywhere but at Schofield. 

He really was a fool. How could he have mistaken reality for some hallucination?

“You should just leave now, and forget what I said…” he mumbled weakly, looking as if he was about to cry. 

Schofield was speechless again but he stayed by the younger male’s side, standing still like a statue and observing him carefully. 

Blake looked like he was shaking. 

They remained like that for a long while. They didn’t know how much time passed, but they really didn’t care. 

“I…I completed the mission…” Schofield ended up saying, breaking the heavy silence. “I barely made it in time though…”

But there was no reaction on Blake’s part. 

“But I found your brother. He really looks just like you, just a little bit older. He’s the one who told me where you had been transferred. And…We were both so relieved to learn you hadn’t succumbed to your wound.”

Still no reaction on Blake’s part. 

“He told me he would come to see you when he was given a leave.”

Blake’s lack of reaction was really upsetting him. 

“Blake…?”

There was a short moment of silence after that. 

“I’m glad to hear it,” Blake simply muttered loud enough so only Schofield could hear it, even though he didn’t sound happy at all. 

Silence again. 

“Did… Did you really mean what you said earlier…?” Schofield broke it again as he asked him that somehow hesitantly. 

He needed to be sure. 

But Blake remained mum. He didn’t want to talk about that at all. He just wanted to pretend it had never happened. He didn’t want Schofield to hate him. 

Yet, he was way too upset to even pretend or deny anything. 

He was too much angry with himself for having dared to confess his feelings out loud and being such a fool. As if a man like Schofield could love him back.

“What are you waiting for? Just go and rat me out. That’s all someone like me deserves.”

Schofield seemed to be shocked by his words. He waited for a few seconds before he replied. 

“I…I would never do that,” he said just above a whisper. 

“Why would you refrain?” Blake retorted aggressively. 

But he definitely felt like crying. 

Schofield seemed to be at a loss for words once again. 

“Blake…” was all he could utter, sounding like he was pitying the poor young boy. 

“Seriously, who could possibly like a poof?!” The younger male retorted, maybe a little bit louder than he had intended to. 

“Stop. Just stop,” Schofield demanded firmly. 

Blake didn’t say another word. 

It seemed that Schofield could break down at any moment too. 

It was neither the right place nor time to do so though. 

“Please, just leave…” Blake begged in a whisper. 

It was so heart-wrenching for Schofield to see the younger male so vulnerable and upset. 

“No…I won’t. I… I want to stay by your side.”

“Stop saying bullshit. You should go back to the eighth.”

“I did. But I was rewarded with a temporary leave for completing the mission successfully.”

A few moments of silence followed his words. 

“And with a medal too I s’ppose.”

Silence. 

“I don’t want it. The only one who deserves a medal is you.”

Blake couldn’t believe what he had just heard. 

He finally dared to turn his head to the other side to look at the older male. 

“Are you fucking serious? You just saved 1600 men, including my own brother and you’re here saying you don’t fucking deserve this medal?”

Silence. 

“I could have never succeeded without you,” Schofield replied solemnly. 

Blake knitted his eyebrows in confusion. He wasn’t sure he understood what Schofield meant by that. 

But before he could say anything, Schofield spoke up. 

“You know, what you said…I…I…It’s…It’s…”

“Disgusting,” Blake finished for him. 

Once again, the older male seemed to be taken aback by what Blake said. 

“No…”

“Don’t say ‘no’ when you’re well aware it is,” Blake retorted aggressively once again. 

Right now, Schofield just wanted to shush the younger male with a kiss, smother him with kisses until all he could think of was him, and that the only thing on the tip on his tongue would be his name. But the rational and sensible part of him kept reminding him that it was all so wrong and that he already had a wife and two daughters. 

“I feel the same way towards you.”

He said that somewhat crudely, as if it was something that needed to be said and that couldn’t be left unsaid, but that wasn’t really pleasant to say or to hear. 

Blake really thought he was dreaming this time. 

“You… What…?” He trailed off incredulously. 

“I…” he began saying before he inhaled sharply, hoping he would be braver. “I didn’t mean to feel that way. It… It just happened. And I… I just couldn’t do anything against it.”

Silence. 

“And I still can’t…”

No… He couldn’t have heard right. He must have been dreaming this time. This wasn’t the real Schofield talking to him. It couldn’t be. 

Blake swallowed hard, his breaths becoming ragged. He looked away from Schofield, not knowing what to do anymore. He felt like he was hyperventilating now. 

“Stop it. It’s not funny,” he said with a shaky voice, trying to calm himself down. 

His words caused some incomprehension and confusion on Schofield’s part. 

“This is no joke. I’m serious, Blake.”

“Just stop it, will you?” 

Poor Blake just felt like crying again. 

“Blake…”

“Just stop it!! Get lost!!!” He ended up shouting. 

But the men in the room were too sick and in too bad a state to even pay any more attention to it than a mere glance. 

Soon enough, the same nurse that had come to check on him a few days earlier rushed by his side. 

She quickly noticed he was in a state of shock. 

“Could you please just leave? He needs a good rest.”

Schofield’s feelings were a mix of stupefaction, confusion, and incredulity. He hadn’t expected that kind of reaction on Blake’s part after the young male had confessed his own feelings. Actually, he hadn’t known what to expect at all… 

“I need to stay,” he replied, a hint of worry in his voice. 

“No, you can’t. Time for visits is over for today. And I don’t think you should come back anytime soon.” 

That was clearly rude. But Schofield didn’t care. 

“I don’t think this is something that comes under your judgment,” he simply replied gravely as he was maintaining eye contact with her. 

“Can’t you see he is in a state of shock?!” The nurse retorted. 

His gaze shifted from her brown eyes to Blake’s form who seemed to be shaking uncontrollably by now, with an irregular and noisy breathing. 

Schofield didn’t think twice about his next move. 

In a flash he was on the other side of the cot next to the nurse, and crouched down while staring at Blake. 

“Blake…” he started saying, concern evident in his voice. “Blake!”

But this wouldn’t be enough..

“Blake, please calm down! Blake!”

The nurse was about to shoo him away when he suddenly took one of Blake’s hands in his own and squeezed it. 

“Blake, look, I’m here. Everything’s going to be okay,” he said in a gentle and reassuring voice. “Shhhh… It’s alright,” his voice became even softer. 

Against all odds, Blake seemed to finally calm down after a few moments as Schofield kept squeezing his hand. He could feel Blake’s pulse underneath his fingers, a pulse that was slowing down as he kept waiting. 

His hand was soft, unlike his own, even though they had gone through the same rough things as soldiers, but after all he was more experienced than Blake was. Blake’s hand was not a woman’s though. But the sensation was still really pleasant. 

The younger male ended up squeezing back, even though it was a rather gentle squeeze. 

Schofield couldn’t help cracking a smile at the gesture, as small as it was. 

His eyes met Blake’s. And as soon as he did a jolt of electricity went through the upper half of his body. 

There was something in them that he couldn’t identify, but which was making his heart flutter. 

However, he was soon snapped back to reality by the nurse clearing her throat. 

He broke the eye contact with Blake, and let go of his hand, much to the latter’s disappointment.

“He’ll be all right now. Could you leave us alone for a few more moments, please. There are a few more things I need to tell him before I go.”

The nurse stared at him with a look that showed she wasn’t really pleased; but she didn’t wish to make a scene. It would be really disrespectful for all of the other patients who were present. So after looking back and forth between Blake and Schofield for a few more instants, she just left without saying another word. 

Schofield watched her leave to make sure she wouldn’t be watching them just in case before he turned his attention back to Blake. 

“Oh God, I thought she was never gonna leave,” Blake whispered with a hint of exasperation in his voice. 

This elicited a small laugh on Schofield’s part, even though he shouldn’t have been laughing, because there was simply nothing to laugh about. But the way Blake said it was enough to trigger that kind of reaction in him. 

“So…” Blake then trailed off unsure of himself. “You really meant it, right?”

“Of course. I mean I would never lie to you about something so important.”

Silence. 

“So you mean you could have lied to me about other things,” Blake pointed out, his piercing blue eyes staring straight into Schofield’s ones as if he was trying to read through him. 

The older male was clearly caught out by his remark. 

He took some time to come up with an answer that he deemed would be acceptable. 

“Only when I said you were too clingy and asked you to leave me alone and about my true feelings that I kept hidden. Until now…” he said just above a whisper, looking somewhat ashamed of himself. 

Blake never looked away from him as he was speaking. 

He could have replied something, but he didn’t need to. The understanding reflected in his eyes was clear enough. 

“I just never thought…” Schofield started saying, not sure that he should finish his sentence. 

But he didn’t need to, because Blake knew what he wanted to say. 

“Neither did I. I thought you would just hate me, and look down on me…”

“Of course not. You… I mean… I could never feel that way towards you.”

A small smile tugged at Blake’s lips, making the other’s chest fill with a warm feeling. 

All of a sudden, Blake took his hand and entwined their fingers together, catching the other man out of guard. 

“So that means…That kiss…That time…You already…” Schofield tried to form a grammatical sentence, but just realised he actually couldn’t. 

Blake liked the way he stumbled over his words, even though he wouldn’t say it out loud. 

“Yes,” he said with a small but genuine smile. 

How could he have been so oblivious? 

Well, maybe because Blake had been good at hiding his own feelings and passing them off as brotherly love, just like him. 

Or maybe because they had both been too afraid of the other’s reaction. 

And of the consequences that their sinful feelings would have if that came to be discovered. 

Unconsciously, Schofield traced Blake’s thumb with his own in a discreet way, making slow, gentle and regular movements. 

An action that didn’t leave Blake unaffected. 

A shiver ran down his spine and his stomach began fluttering with butterflies. 

He squeezed the older man’s hand once again, still gently. 

“I was so afraid of losing you,” Schofield whispered, looking relieved that Blake was there, alive, even if he wasn’t in a great physical condition. 

“Me too. And even when I knew I wouldn’t die, I thought I would never see you again…”

“I would have never let that happen. I needed to make sure with my own eyes that you were alive and safe.”

“I thought at first you’d come to see me because my older brother had asked you to, since he couldn’t.”

“He didn’t need to ask,” Schofield assured him. 

Another small smile tugged at Blake’s lips. 

However, it soon faded and was replaced with a more serious look on his face. 

“So… What’s going to happen now…?” He asked in a low voice. 

Schofield had no idea about what would happen from now on. He hadn’t even anticipated what happened today, so… How could he plan ahead of time? 

“I don’t know,” he replied thoughtfully as he was staring as their entwined fingers. 

He stopped tracing Blake’s thumb reluctantly. 

“I don’t know,” he repeated still in the same way. 

Silence. 

He finally let go of Blake’s hand after a while, much to the other’s disappointment once again. 

“Maybe I should leave now. I think you really need some more rest.”

“No, please, don’t leave me alone,” Blake almost begged him as he gripped his wrist. “I don’t like it when you’re far away from me.”

Schofield couldn’t even bring himself to stare into Blake’s pleading eyes, because he was sure he would give in if he did. 

“And I really hate this place,” Blake added. 

Schofield remained silent for a few seconds. 

“You know I can’t stay. Besides, it can’t be worse than the trenches.”

His response only made Blake tighten his grip on his wrist. 

“I’ll come back tomorrow, okay?” Schofield then said. 

Blake really didn’t want him to go, even though he was aware he couldn’t spend the night there since there was no cot available for him. 

“Promise?”

Schofield finally stared back into his blue eyes that were faintly glinting with hope.

“Promise,” he assured him. 

They stared into each other’s eyes for a few more moments before Blake finally (and reluctantly) let go of Schofield’s wrist. 

Schofield swiftly straightened up before he turned around to leave, because he knew if he didn’t do it immediately, he wouldn’t be able to leave Blake. 

Blake watched him leave as best he could given the position he was forced to stay in, and once the older male was out of his sight, he groaned in frustration. 

It would be too long to wait for tomorrow. 

But patience is a virtue; a virtue he didn’t have. 

Anyway, he couldn’t help being happy, now knowing that his love wasn’t unrequited. 

This made him smile. Now, he just wished he could snuggle against Schofield, kiss him again until he didn’t know where he was anymore to forget that godforsaken place, and just hold him tight and never let go of him ever again. 

But unfortunately, things weren’t that simple in real life. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! So as you probably noticed, this chapter was longer than the previous ones, longer than I had intended it to be in  
> the first place, but here you go. Also, it took me longer to update not only because of that, but because I wasn't sure about what I wrote as I was writing and the way I really wanted things to go, but I still hope it's good enough.   
> As for the nurse, I thought it might be interesting to add her, and make her become someone a bit more important than just a side and random character that just appears because he/she has to (even though her name is not given, because honestly I don't know what I should name her). But that's just my opinion.  
> I'm also so upset by the fact that whenever things finally seem to finally be bright and go well, there's still that stupid reality that just brings some more angst... Like, really, I just want my two precious beans to be happy <3
> 
> Anyway, comments are still appreciated! :)


	6. See you again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The following day, Schofield visits Blake again, and the two males have a conversation.  
> Or, to put it in other words, some more angst and fluff as well...  
> (I'm even struggling to find a good title for a chapter now...)

Just like he had promised, Schofield went to visit Blake again the following day, at the crack of dawn, at the temporary French hospital he was staying in, if that could even be called a hospital… But anyway, at least Blake was taken good care of there. He didn't have any reasons to fear for his life any longer.

He didn’t care if the same nurse as yesterday would come and tell him off for coming so early, or coming at all. 

He had managed to find a place to stay in for the night, a sort of inn, not that far from the hospital with was actually a former primary school building. 

As soon as his eyes landed on Blake’s silhouette, a kind of relief flowed into him. He approached him swiftly, making Blake smile as their eyes met. 

“I’m so glad you’re finally here. It was so long to wait until you’d come back.”

Schofield smiled back at him.

But before he could even open his mouth, Blake’s stomach growled loudly. 

“Damn…” the younger male cursed under his breath. “I’m bloody starving…”

Something Schofield had already heard before. On that fateful day he wanted so desperately to forget about…

“They told me I’d have to wait for a little while before I can eat properly again…” Blake whined. “This makes me hate this place even more. Even if the food wasn’t great in the trenches, at least I could eat a bit…”

Now Schofield was feeling bad for him…

He tried to think about something to say but it seemed that he couldn’t find the right words to make him feel better. 

“Don’t worry, you’ll be okay. They know what they’re doing,” was all he could come up with, a soft smile on his face as he said those words. 

Blake gazed at him with a long level look.

“You sure know how to cheer someone up,” he replied derisively. 

What looked like a small smirk appeared on Schofield’s lips. 

“I thought my mere presence would cheer you up.”

“Of course, but you can’t do anything about the fact that I’m still starving. I mean it’s not like I could eat you.”

Of course. 

“I wish I could eat you in another way though,” he whispered suggestively so only Schofield could hear him, a smirk on his face. 

It took a few infants for Schofield to take in what Blake had just said, the hidden meaning behind his words.

His cheeks became hot and red as he was now completely flustered.

“Blake…!” He whispered like a scared virgin. 

But his reaction seemed to be amusing the younger male more than anything else.

Now he knew his feelings were not unrequited, he wasn’t afraid anymore, so why should he refrain from teasing the older man? 

Schofield just didn’t know what to do with himself anymore. Thank God no one had heard Blake.

Still, he decided to scan the room just in case, not wishing to make eye contact with Blake anymore right now. From afar, he spotted the nurse whom he had met the day before. 

For some reason, he couldn’t help staring at her. And she stared back as soon as she realised he was staring at her, stopping what she had been busy with. 

“What you looking’ at, Sco?” Blake asked him as he couldn’t see who it was due to his lying position. 

The older male simply glanced at him, not replying anything. 

He had a bad feeling about her; he didn’t really know why though.

“Sco?” Blake insisted.

There was something in her eyes that was making him feel unsafe. 

“The nurse,” the older man ended up replying flatly. 

Blake furrowed his brows. 

“Why are you even paying attention to her? I thought you were here for me.”

After a few more instants, Schofield finally met his eyes again, which reflected some hurt. 

“‘course I am,” Schofield hurried to say to reassure him.

But Blake didn’t seem to be really convinced by his words.

“What are you afraid of? I’m not interested in her at all.”

“Sure? Then why were you staring at her so intently and for so long?”

“Not for the reason you think.”

Blake just rolled his eyes. 

“I’ll be happy when I’m sure I won’t see her face ever again,” he then muttered under his breath. But Schofield still managed to hear it. 

“Don’t be jealous.”

“I’m not jealous,” Blake retorted, obviously annoyed by the mere thought of the young woman. “I think she’s got a crush on me,” he added plainly. 

Something Schofield hadn’t expected to happen. He should have though since it couldn’t be denied that Blake was quite a handsome lad. 

And now he was the one starting to get jealous….

But he preferred to ignore that feeling that was building up inside his chest. 

“It’s not such a bad thing,” he ended up saying gravely after a few instants of silence. 

Blake furrowed his eyebrows once again staring at him with a look that said ‘are you really serious?’

“What?” Was all Blake could utter. 

“If you pretend you like her back, she won’t suspect anything.”

“But I’ll never like her back,” Blake retorted as if what Schofield was saying was sheer nonsense. 

“I said ‘pretend’,” Will replied as he emphasised said word.

“But I don’t wanna pretend. Especially not with her,” he bit back.

“But we have to, Blake. That’s what we’ve had to do until now, even when we thought our feelings were one-sided. And we have to keep it that way.”

“But how could she suspect anything? We’re not doing anything wrong,” Blake protested. "You’re just a bloke coming to see his friend who narrowly escaped death. So why should I pretend to like her back?”

“Because that’s safer that way. And would just a friend come to see his wounded friend one day and then come back the following day at the crack of dawn with the intent of staying by his side all day long?”

Blake seemed to ponder over his words as he remained silent for a short while. 

“Maybe not a friend, but a best friend would. At least I hope you would have even if you hadn’t been feeling the same way as I do about you.”

Schofield didn’t even seem to know the answer himself to that indirect question. 

But why did it even matter? It was a hypothesis that would never become real. 

“I guess so.”

But Blake didn’t seem to be satisfied with his answer. 

That’s when he really realised how lucky he was that the older male had reciprocated his feelings. And this was enough for him, he decided; to know that he was worthy of Schofield’s love. 

“Thank you,” he just said gently as he smiled up at the older male who gave him a questioning look, seemingly surprised by those two words. 

“For what?”

“For coming into my life. Now I’m really glad I actually enlisted to fight in that bloody war, because if I hadn’t I would have never met you.”

Schofield opened his mouth as if to say something as his eyes widened, but he remained mum. 

At that precise moment, he couldn’t help but think about his wife and daughters. The time when he had had to leave them for the first time after deciding to enlist to go to France since it was a patriotic thing to do. It had been the time when he had hoped the war wouldn’t last long, when he had thought they would see him again for sure. But now, he still be can’t sure about anything as long as the war is not over. 

The part of him that was still rational and conventional wished he hadn’t met Blake in the first place. But he was trying his hardest to shut down, to ignore the little voice in his head that was telling him that what he was feeling was so wrong, that he would end up into hell for that, that the only person he should ever love that way was his wife and no one else. 

“Shut up,” he whispered to himself, tone demanding. 

“What?” 

Schofield was snapped back to reality by Blake’s voice. He looked back at the younger lad since he had broken eye contact to look down at the floor while being engrossed in his thoughts. 

When he met again Blake’s blue eyes, all he could see in them was hurt mixed with a sort of incomprehension and disappointment, and Schofield silently cursed himself. Blake must have thought that his words were meant for him and not himself. 

He had to act quickly now before things got even worse. 

“Sorry, I was just lost in thought. I-I wasn’t talking to you…”

This was going to make him look like a real weirdo now; but he couldn’t let Blake know about his inner thoughts and struggles as much as he loved him. This was between him and himself only. 

The younger male cocked an eyebrow at him as the hurt, incomprehension and disappointment in his eyes were now replaced by puzzlement and surprise. 

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Blake asked him with a hint of concern in his voice. 

“Yes, no need to worry about me.”

Blake shook his head lightly and disapprovingly. 

“Please, Sco, don’t lie to me.”

Schofield didn’t really have a choice now…

Why couldn’t he have just shut up? 

“I should have never felt that way towards you in the first place…” he whispered so only Blake could hear, his voice slightly cracking as he said that. “I shouldn’t be feeling that way.”

Of course, he would say that. Blake should have known better. His little bubble of happiness couldn’t last forever… His love for the older male was just blinding him, leading him to think that nothing else mattered and that nothing could happen to them now that he knew it was not just only him with his feelings. 

That fucking and cruel reality would always be there to remind them of how sinful their feelings towards each other were, and how Schofield could never be his no matter what. 

Blake chose not to reply anything, thinking it would be a waste of time to try to argue about that, especially in such a place. 

No, instead, he just pretended that Schofield had never said that, that he had never paid attention to Schofield’s ‘shut up’, simply dismissing it and considering as something trivial. And he fantasised about a Schofield that would say to him he was glad he had met him too instead of the real one that was tortured by his inner thoughts. 

But Blake’s silence was making Schofield feel bad; it was hurting him in some way… And he just couldn’t stand it. 

“Blake…” he said just above a whisper. “Please, don’t be angry with me…” He sounded almost desperate as the words left his mouth, to be left hanging into the air as if they were meaningless. 

Schofield stared at him like a lost puppy as Blake was now staring at the decrepit ceiling. 

“I wish…I wish things were… simpler...different. I really wish they could.”

But this wouldn’t be enough to make Blake stop giving him the cold shoulder, unfortunately…

He knew he had to give a real voice to his feelings now, no matter how risky it may have been.

“I’m really glad I could meet you too. Otherwise I would have ended up becoming completely insane or may have died, who knows,” he said in a gentle whisper, bending down so he could get closer to Blake’s ear. “Without you, I would have lost all hope, and sunk into a total depression. So thank _you_.”

With that being said, Blake finally stared back into Schofield’s blue eyes, his own blue eyes slightly widened as he took in the older male’s words. 

“Thank you for having always been there for me, even though I think I didn’t really deserve it…”

This time, Blake was sure he couldn’t have been dreaming, that it was the real Schofield that had just said that. And it was a hundred times better to hear it from the real one’s mouth than to fantasise about something along those lines and that he knew would never be real. 

Blake just wanted to kiss him so bad, right now and there. And he silently cursed that damn world and wound for not being able to. 

It was crazy how that man was able to make him feel, his mood changing from upset to content and happy in a few seconds only, just with some words that would have probably be seen as casual in some other person’s mind. But they meant the world to him, as much as the man who had pronounced them. 

He really wished he could never leave Schofield. 

He mouthed the words ‘I love you’, hoping Schofield would understand what he meant. 

Even if the older man didn’t look like he had understood at first, sudden realization seemed to have dawned on him after a few moments of staring at Blake’s eyes in silence, those cerulean eyes in which he could have drowned with such depth. 

Proof of that was that he mouthed back a ‘me too’, even though his rational part was screaming at him not to do such a thing, but he just chose to ignore it with a smile. 

He knew it was so wrong to say that kind of things as a married man, but at the same time it felt so right to just mouth it. 

Blake smiled back at him, a warm and soft smile. When he thought it wouldn’t have been possible to love Schofield more, he was proved wrong.

It felt so good to cross a line that was forbidden. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! So here's another chapter. I'm afraid the previous one might have been not good at all since I had no reaction on anyone's part, and if that's the case I'm really sorry... I'm definitely not a professional writer but I hope at least that chapter made up for it. Don't hesitate to comment to tell me what I could improve, it's really important for me :)  
> So, actually I've been thinking about writing only ten chapters for this fic because I don't want it to be too long, but then it might turn out to be more or less in the end, I honestly can't tell, because I'm kind of an unpredictable girl sometimes...
> 
> Anyway, thank you again to all the people who are still reading that fic. Can't believe people would make it that far.


	7. Back to England

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blake finally gets transferred back to England in some London hospital, and Schofield gets back too since his leave isn't over yet.

About one week later, Blake had finally been shipped back to England and transferred in a London hospital. 

Upon learning that piece of news, Schofield had eventually made up his mind to go back to his native land since he was still on leave, but only to go visit him again. He wanted to make sure Blake was recovering well, at least he had been trying to convince himself with that excuse so he wouldn’t be feeling guilty to spend so much time with the Essex boy. 

Blake just couldn’t take it anymore to stay in a hospital (or rather what was considered as such); he really loathed being stuck there. He just wanted to go home, to see his mother and brother again, and see the cherry trees. 

Hadn’t Schofield been there with him that often, he would have ended up going ballistic. 

One afternoon, as Schofield was staying with Blake in his room again, they were welcomed with the presence of Blake’s mother. She didn’t even bother to knock and opened the door as swiftly as she entered the room, startling both young men. 

Blake hadn’t expected his mother to visit him at all, simply because she wasn’t even supposed to know about his wound. He hadn’t wished to write to her because he knew she would come to see him once he was back to England, and he didn’t want her to see him in such a pitiful state, bed-ridden. 

“Mum?” He wondered aloud, surprise written all over his features. “What…What are you doing here?”

Just like he had been with Blake’s elder brother, Schofield was taken aback by the similarity between the younger boy and his mother. Even from a distance, you couldn’t be mistaken. 

“Tom…” she said just above a whisper, obviously relieved to see he was still alive. “My precious little boy…”

She quickly rushed to be by his side and with the intent of hugging him tightly. 

By now, Blake had learned to sit up in his bed at least, and even if it could hurt occasionally, the pain was far less worse than at the very beginning when he had been first transferred in a hospital back in France. 

So it made things easier for a hug. 

Tom couldn’t deny her that hug so he just let himself be tightly embraced without hugging her back. 

“Mum…”

He seemed to be somewhat embarrassed by her gesture. 

Said woman let out a sigh which was a mix of both content and relief. 

“I’m so happy you’re finally back home,” she whispered softly in his ear. 

“Hmmm…Mum…We’re not exactly back home here…” he said referring to the hospital and the city he hadn’t grown up in. 

“When I say ‘home’, I mean your home country.”

“Oh.”

“I was so worried knowing you were in the trenches, and about your brother as well, aware that one of you could die at any time. It was already so hard for me to lose your father…” she trailed off. 

Blake tensed a bit at the mention of his father. He had been only a ten-year-old boy when his father had passed away. He couldn’t even remember because of what he had died (or rather his mother hadn’t wished to tell him). 

He could remember him, his face, thanks to some photographs his mother had kept on some piece of furniture so he would never be forgotten. And he could remember how his older brother had become the head of the family, helping their mother with everything (not that Joe had wished to replace their father), and how he had been willing and enthusiastic at the idea of helping them both as well.

“I didn’t want you to worry for us, especially not for me…” Blake said in a low voice. 

“From what I read, that was a close one…”

There was a moment of silence. 

“I’m sorry, Mum… I should’ve been more careful…” he trailed off. 

Yes, as he had been stuck in that hospital back in France, he had come to realize how reckless he had been. Once you almost died, you come to meditate a lot, maybe too much, so much so it keeps you from sleeping at night. And that’s what had been happening to Tom. 

“Thank God, you’re here alive and safe. At least you won’t have to go back there, so I’m all the more relieved.”

As she said that, she hugged her son even tighter as if she never wanted to let go of him ever again. 

“I’ll never let anything happen to you as long as I’m near you,” she then whispered in her son’s ear. 

“Mum…You’re smothering me…” Blake whined. 

“What’s wrong with smothering your child with love?”

“No…I mean you’re literally crushing me…”

Schofield, who was watching them with attentive eyes, wanted to leave as he was now feeling like an intruder, but at the same time his body wouldn’t move. He was like mesmerised by the moving family reunion and the display of affection shown by Blake’s mother. 

There was nothing more beautiful and purer than motherly love. 

He couldn’t remember the last time when he had been like that with his own mother. 

“….I just need to be careful with my wound, and my stitches…That’s what they’ve kept repeating to me, you know, as if I were a five-year-old child…” Blake said to his mother. 

The woman finally let go of him and grabbed his arms so she could have a good look at him. 

She examined him carefully to make sure he was really fine beside his wound. 

“You don’t look like you lost too much weight,” she said with a hint of reassurance in her voice. 

“Mum…”

“Thank God.”

“I’m not a little boy anymore…” Tom whined again. 

“No matter how old you are, you’ll always be my precious little boy.”

“Oh God…”

Without even realising it, Schofield was smiling. It was so endearing and almost funny to see Blake in such a situation. His demeanour just made him even cuter. 

Speaking of the devil… Blake glanced at him, a not so happy expression plastered on his face. 

Only then did his mother turn her head to look at the older man, finally noticing his presence. 

Schofield’s smile faded as soon as her eyes met his. But now he could take a closer look at her face since he was sitting in a chair near the bed. 

The similarity was even more striking. 

She had dark brown hair that she was wearing up and that was styled with the traditional haircut for women’s at the time, the same piercing blue eyes, the same shape of the face, the same ears, the same nose, the same lips. 

He guessed that if Blake had taken after his mother physically speaking he must have taken after his father in terms of personality and character. 

He gulped nervously, somewhat intimidated under the gaze of the woman who seemed to be scrutinising him, as if she were trying to read right through him. 

“Who are you?” She asked him plainly, looking surprised that he should be there. 

“Lance Corporal Schofield, Madam. I am one of your son’s comrades; we met in the trenches, I mean we were in the same regiment.”

There seemed to be a twinkle in her blue eyes as soon as he had finished speaking. 

“I was there with him when he was stabbed,” Schofield then added to justify the reason of his presence there. 

She kept staring at him in silence for a few more instants, making him feel somewhat uncomfortable. 

“So it’s you,” she eventually said as a smile creeped across her face.

Of course, the older man was taken aback by her words. 

She approached him swiftly, but Schofield didn’t even dare to stand up, not knowing what was on her mind and her intention. 

The woman only took his hands in hers, not seeming to be bothered by the fact that he wouldn’t stand up. 

“Thank you for being there for my son,” she simply said, her voice full of gratitude and gentleness. 

“I…I haven’t done much, Madam…”

“Haven’t done much…” Blake repeated his words, trying to imitate him. “Stop being so coy, Sco. He saved Joe’s life, Mum.”

“I just followed the orders we were given.”

He didn’t want others to consider him as a hero, because in his opinion he wasn’t. 

“Tom’s right, don’t be so coy.”

Like mother, like son. 

They looked exactly the same. Maybe he hadn't taken so much after his father after all...

“I can never be thankful enough for that”, she then said. 

“Well, Tom saved my life too. So we’re even. You owe me nothing.”

His chest was filled with something he had never felt before as he realised he had called the younger boy ‘Tom’. Not his first full name, but his nickname, a nickname that only his friends back home and family must have used with him. 

“Did he?” 

Schofield kept staring into her blue eyes silently. He simply nodded to confirm what he had said. 

Blake’s mother turned her head to look at her son again. 

“I’m so proud of you, my Tom.”

“I didn’t do much compared to Will. Not only did he save Joe’s life but he also saved those of 1599 other men.”

Schofield started slightly at the mention of not his full first name, but his own nickname. 

The mother turned her head to look back at him in sheer awe. 

“But so many of them were wounded because of my getting there a bit too late…”

“But they are still alive, Just like my Tom, and that’s all that really matters, you know,” she assured him with a soft smile. 

He guessed she was right. 

“Yes, Madam.”

“Stop calling me Madam. Call me Samantha.”

But never would Schofield dare to use her first name. But he told himself had to force himself to, at least for this time, to try lest he offend her if he didn't. 

“All right...Samantha....”

It felt all the stranger to use the first name of Blake’s mother. 

She kept smiling at him seemingly satisfied, before she finally let go of his hands. 

“So, what about you tell me about my Tom? How did the two of you meet and what it was like back in France?” She then said before she sat on the edge of Tom’s bed, her eyes filled with curiosity. 

“Well…There’s not much to say about the way we met, you know… As for the life in the trenches…”

He didn’t really feel like talking about it. 

“…I guess you can tell me about him much more than I can.”

“Hey, stop talking about me as if I wasn’t there,” Blake protested. 

His reaction somewhat amused Schofield, even though he wouldn't show it. 

“Of course,” her face lightened up as she said that. “There are so many stories I can tell you about him.”

“Mum, I think I’ve already told him enough stories back in France.”

“Well, let’s see…” she said as she tapped her index finger on her chin to think. 

“Hey! Stop pretending I’m not here!”

And so, Mrs Blake spent the rest of the afternoon telling anecdotes and stories about her family, Joe’s and Tom’s childhood, and she even mentioned some parts of her own childhood and teenage years. 

Shortly before the sunset, she finally decided it was time for her to leave, showering her son with kisses and hugging him again while she could before she went anywhere. 

“Once Tom can go back home, you’ll have to come and visit us at home,” she said to Schofield just before she left the room.

But the older man seemed to be embarrassed. 

“All I did was to talk about my sons and myself. I’d really like to get to know you better.”

“…Of course, I understand…”

She took his hands in her once again. 

“My youngest son is really lucky to have a friend like you.” 

Schofield was left speechless by her words. 

Shortly after saying that, she let go of his hands before she gave him a quick hug. 

“I really hope I’ll see you again soon, Will.”

With that being said, she finally left, and Schofield let out a sigh he didn’t know he had been holding. 

He stood still, staring at the closed door blankly as if the world around him had just stopped spinning. 

“Looks like she really likes you,” Blake noted, snapping him back to reality. 

His tone was neither teasing nor happy; no, if anything, he seemed to be slightly annoyed. 

Schofield turned his head to look at him.

“If she knew the true nature of my feelings for you, her liking would turn into hatred and anger into a flash,” Schofield replied gravely. 

Blake just remained silent, staring at him as if he wanted to beat the shit out of him, leaving Schofield to think he had done something wrong. 

“Were you the one who wrote to her to tell her I was here?” He finally said after a long moment of silence, which seemed to have lasted an eternity for the older man. 

Schofield was seemingly taken aback by his question. 

“No, I didn’t. Never would I have written to your mother or anyone close to you without your permission. But I guess your brother did, which seems to me to be something a brother would do.”

Schofield replied with such honestly that now Blake was feeling guilty for having even thought about accusing him. 

“Sorry… I guess I’m just…” he trailed off. 

“It’s okay,” Schofield spoke in a soft voice before he could find the right word to finish his sentence. 

“When you saw him I should have told you to tell him not to write to her to let her know about this…”

“Come on, it’s not such a bad thing. She was really happy to see you again.”

Tom was now staring at him as if some kind of sudden realisation had just dawned on him. 

“And so were you, even though you wouldn’t show it,” Schofield added with a smile. 

And of course, his smile made the younger bloke grin, because for him, Schofield’s smile was the best thing in the world.

“Yes,” he finally admitted. “Unlike you,” he added, meaning to tease the other one. 

“Well, she’s not my mother.”

There was now a gleam of something mischievous in Blake’s eyes. 

“But you wish she were.”

“Don’t get me wrong, your mother is a really nice woman, but I’ll never love her as much as I love my mother.”

“Of course you would say that,” Blake replied with a small smirk. 

Schofield remained silent, his eyes glued to Blake’s. 

“Hmm… I’m pretty sure yours is much like you, isn’t she?” Blake then added. 

“Well, I was told I took after both my parents, which is actually true.”

Blake kept smiling at him, trying now to imagine what his parents looked like. 

“Come closer, why are you staying near that door?” He asked the older male once he had stopped imagining, “She’s not gonna come back,” he proceeded, referring to his mother. 

Schofield seemed to be somehow lost as if he didn’t know what to do anymore; but anyway, after a few seconds of hesitation he went to sit on the edge of Blake’s bed, where his mother had previously been sitting. 

A small and weak smile appeared on his face as he thought again about Blake’s mother’s words, about how he should come visit them some time. That mere thought was making him extremely ill-at-ease. 

And that was something Blake noticed. 

“You shouldn’t be worrying too much about that. She will never know if we keep pretending, as you like to say it,” he said the last part of his sentence with a small smirk, obviously trying to lighten the mood, which seemed to work since Schofield’s smile widened a bit. 

“Anyway it’s not like we actually were anything to each other… I mean we just confessed our feelings in a rather awkward situation, and so what? That makes us nothing in the end…” Blake then proceeded. “We definitely did nothing wrong, if you see what I mean.”

Schofield had to admit that he had a point there. 

“Yes… I guess you’re right,” the older one replied, looking thoughtful again. 

“I’m always right, remember?” 

Schofield shook his head as his smile widened even more this time. 

“I swear there’s really nothing to be worried about. My mother can be many things, but she’s certainly not a serial killer, you know.”

“You’re just an idiot, you know that?” Schofield said teasingly. 

“An idiot who you have feelings for,” Blake reminded him, looking so proud and somewhat full of himself. 

Schofield shook his head again, his smile never leaving his face. 

“A real idiot.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! So here you go :) I hope you guys liked this chapter as well.  
> I really wanted to thank all of you (once again) for liking and reading this story; and I'm happy to know that my writing is not actually not terrible as I thought it was.   
> And also, thanks for those sweet comments <3   
> Just one random thing to end this note: I love the idea of Tom craving for attention and pouting, or rather whining, when he is not the centre of attention any more; he's such a little sweetheart <3


	8. Just you and I

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After half a month, Blake can finally leave the hospital, and goes to spend what's left of the day in the small flat that Schofield has been renting so he could stay near Blake during his recovery.  
> Before I forget mentioning it, the mature rating starts in that chapter, so you've been warned 😏

After one long and half a month of rehabilitation in the same London hospital, Blake was finally able to leave the hospital, meaning he could finally go back home to see his mother again. 

But before going back home, he asked Schofield if he could spend the night in his London flat since it was already late in the afternoon when he left the hospital. 

So he could go and visit Blake at the hospital ever day during his recovery and re-education, he had rent a flat that was located not too far from the hospital and that was just enough for him to spend the night in. 

He hadn’t even let his wife know that he had been on leave for a while now, let alone that he was back to England. Fortunately, his wife and daughters weren’t living in London, because if they had, it would have made him feel even worse and guiltier. 

They were living in Cookham, a village that was located around thirty miles from London. It was the place where he had grown up and where he had met his wife and settled down with her. 

He couldn’t have denied Blake’s request since he couldn’t deny him anything. So the older man took him to his flat as soon as they left the hospital building. Fortunately, Blake had a cane to help him walk so it would be easier for him. But what didn’t help was that his flat was located on the very last floor, that is the fifth one, so he helped Blake go up the stairs, hoping he wouldn’t struggle too much to get there. 

Once they eventually got there, Schofield showed the younger boy around the flat which was actually pretty small, just big enough for one person to stay in. Well, it’s not as if he had wanted to move in there with his wife and daughters. 

There was a small hall, a small bathroom, and one main room which was used as a living room, kitchen, and bedroom.

“Sorry, it’s not exactly a palace…” Schofield said as he was now standing in the middle of the main room.

“It’s okay. The place doesn’t matter as long as I’m with you," the other male assured him.

Schofield just looked at him silently as a response. 

They contemplated each other for a while as if they did’t know what to do now that they were there. 

Schofield wanted to offer him to sit down so they wouldn’t have to keep standing up there like two idiots, but Blake had other plans for them. 

Before Schofield could even react, Blake got rid of his cane which crashed to the wooden floor, and grabbed Schofield’s lapels to bring their lips together, or rather to crash them together. Schofield wanted to get free from his grip at first; but not only would Blake not let him do that, but then he couldn’t help but melt into the kiss. 

A kiss that was hungry and desperate as if Blake might have died hadn’t he kissed him, as if he had lacked water for too long. 

This made Schofield realise how much he had actually missed Blake’s lips, and how much he wanted to taste them in a much more deepened kiss, not just in a brief kiss that would only last a few seconds. His wish was granted as Blake was the one to deepen the kiss.

He closed his eyes and let out a sigh of content. There was something really addictive about Blake’s lips. Kissing him felt like being in heaven, even though it was so wrong to do that. 

He slid one hand in his hair and ran his fingers through it gently. As for Blake, he wrapped his arms around his neck and let out a pleased moan when Schofield began biting his bottom lip, trying to be gentle as possible.

Blake took the hint and parted his lips so the older man could insert his tongue in his mouth. It was now Schofield’s turn to moan due to the friction of their tongues. Blake let out another moan, showing his satisfaction. 

But the two of them eventually had to pull away for lack of air. 

“It’s even better when it’s a real French kiss,” Blake whispered breathlessly in his ear, a note of sensuality in his voice. 

Schofield just remained quiet as he was gasping for air. He was beginning to feel dizzy once again. 

Blake removed one arm from around his neck to cup his face with his right hand, and traced his jawline with his thumb, the movement smooth and regular.

“I’ve never met someone as handsome as you,” the younger male breathed against his cheek.

Those words made Schofield shudder. He had never really considered himself as ‘handsome’. Even his wife had never referred to him as ‘handsome’; but maybe that was because she was somewhat prudish. 

WHne he had hardly managed to catch his breath, it became ragged and uneven as his heart was pounding wildly against his rib cage. 

“Tom…” The nickname, synonym of great intimacy, escaped his lips in a kind of desperate whisper. 

Said boy was still tracing his jawline, sending shivers down his spine. 

“We-We should stop before we do something we could-”

But he was suddenly cut off by Blake’s lips who devoured his own passionately. His flash of clarity was shattered by the intoxicating taste of them and the way their tongues were swirling graciously still in Blake’s mouth. 

Without even realising it, Schofield was being pushed until they reached the bed, and only did he realise they had shifted places when his back hit the rough mattress of it. He pulled away for air, now lying on it, breathless once again, except that this time there was a string of saliva that connected their lips. They both wiped their mouths simultaneously to get rid of it. 

Blake who was now above him, his hands on each side of Schofield’s shoulders, looked at him fondly. The older male looked back at him with his own blue eyes whose pupils were mildly dilated. 

He shifted his position under Blake’s gaze so he could sit up. Blake just watched him do so silently. Schofield let out a shaky breath. Things were not okay at all… 

“Blake… I… I can’t do that…My wife…” he trailed off, voice weak and unsteady. 

Said boy just put his index finger on his mouth as a way to silence him before he could say anything else. 

“She doesn’t have to know,” he told him somewhat lasciviously as if it were only some kind of fun for him, a mere game that meant nothing serious. 

Once he had said that, he moved his finger down Schofield’s body, tracing his chin and neck until he reached the collar of his white shirt. 

He played with his tie before he started untying it, but Schofield stopped him before he could get too far as he grabbed his wrists with his hands firmly. 

“Blake. We really can’t do that.” 

His voice was as firm as his grip, and it really hurt the younger bloke. It was the rational part of him who was talking, the strict and conventional part which he had been struggling with for so long now. 

“It would be a mistake.”

Blake’s eyes widened slightly. It just was the same thing over and over again; this feeling of culpability, the stupid society’s rules, laws and ways of thinking…

“A mistake…” Blake repeated in a low voice that sounded almost dark. 

Schofield just observed his face silently, uncertainty written all over his own. 

“All right,” Blake then said after a few moments of tense silence. 

He recoiled, suddenly and harshly, making the older man let go of his wrists in that abrupt momentum of sheer surprise. 

In a flash, the younger boy was on his feet and turned away to make his way toward the door. As he was half way there, Schofield’s eyes widened in realisation, and he stood up from the bed all of a sudden to catch up with the younger man. Meanwhile, the latter picked his cane up and used it to attempt to walk faster. 

“Blake!” He exclaimed in some kind of fear. 

But said boy simply ignored him. 

“Blake!’ He repeated frantically. 

He finally caught up with him and grabbed his arm to stop him from going any further.

“Wait!”

The younger male managed to get free from his grip (none too gently though) and shifted his position to face him. 

“The only mistake made today was my decision to come here,” Blake said bluntly. 

He then resumed his way toward the door as Schofield seemed to be totally paralysed. 

But as Blake opened the door and was about to leave, he grabbed his wrist to hold him back. 

The younger lad turned his head to make eye contact with him. 

“Look, I’m sorry. I should’ve never acted so boldly. I know you’re the kind of man who is loyal and faithful; I really don’t know what got into me…” He apologised as guilt and shame were now visible in his blue eyes. “I…I should head home now…”

“You can wait until tomorrow and spend the night here. We don’t have to do anything.”

“No, you don’t understand! I can’t stay close to you any longer without having the urge of kissing you, touching you, feeling you! I just can’t…”

Silence.

“So that’s really not a good idea…”

Blake looked like he didn’t know what to say any more. 

How could he have been so stupid? To hope he could get what he had been yearning for so long…

He took one step forward as he broke the eye contact with Schofield, determined to leave to avoid further self-embarrassment. But Schofield wouldn’t let go of his wrist. 

“Please, don’t leave…” the voice was somewhat weak, the tone almost begging. 

Blake took a deep breath as he closed his eyes. 

“You see it just can’t work, don’t you? I just don’t wanna pretend to be a mere friend, or even your best friend. I just can’t…”

Silence.

“Not with you.”

He tried to move once again but the grip on his wrist only tightened. 

“Sco…”

Said man had a lump in his throat that prevented any word to come out of his mouth. 

Unbeknownst to Blake, he was to go back to the eighth the next day but one. But he just couldn’t Blake know, at least not now, because the last thing he wanted was to worry him. He was already thankful enough that his leave had been lasting long enough so he had been able to be by Blake’s side most of the time during his recovery and reeducation, and even today he was still there when he left the hospital. 

But once he goes back to the battlefield, he may never come back again…

He gulped thickly before he let out a shaky breath. 

“Sco?”

Next thing Blake knew, he was being shifted from his position before he was pushed gently against the wall next to the door. 

“What are you doing?” He asked, being now confused and hearing the door being closed. 

He let out a surprised moan as Schofield’s lips met his own, once again. He closed his eyes instantly and relished the pleasant feeling of their lips touching. 

He kissed back eagerly before he deepened the kiss, letting out small moans as they were making out slowly and tenderly. 

Schofield wanted to savour every part of Blake’s mouth until he could remember it just by closing his eyes. 

And Blake adapted to his pace, being too happy that Schofield wanted to kiss him again after what had just happened. 

After a little while, they pulled away to catch their breaths. 

“Let’s take it slow,” Schofield said once he had, staring straight into Blake’s dark eyes. “We have the whole evening. And the whole night,” he said gently. 

Blake’s eyes widened in incomprehension. 

“But…”

_But_ he was cut off by Schofield’s lips before he could even start his sentence. 

He didn’t try to question the other man any further as he kissed back just as eagerly as earlier. He just decided to push all thoughts aside and to enjoy the present moment while it lasted. 

And that’s what Schofield decided to do too. 

Blake let his cane crash against the wooden floor once again, and gripped Schofield’s dark blond hair gently. 

He slid his free hand around Schofield’s waist as the latter’s own hands were cupping his cheeks. 

Blake wanted this to never end. It almost seemed too good to be true. Maybe he had never left the hospital and had been only dreaming. Or maybe he had really died that day…

This time he was the one to bite Schofield’s bottom lip so the older man would allow him entrance, which he did after a few seconds and after letting out a small moan. 

Exploring Schofield’s mouth felt as better as letting him explore his own mouth, if not more. Their hot and wet tongues melting together was one of the best things he had ever experienced. 

Blake wished it could have lasted longer. He cursed the fact that they had to break the contact so soon for lack for air, which they ended up doing for a third time after a few more moments of making out. 

This time he whined breathlessly at the loss of contact. 

“Tell me I’m not dreaming…” he whispered out of breath to Schofield.

He needed to make sure. 

Schofield stared right into his eyes that had become almost completely black by now, which unsettled him a bit, he who was so used to seeing those bright blue eyes. 

Still, a small smile tugged at his lips. 

“No, you’re not dreaming, no more than the day when you first saw me at the hospital back in France.”

This made Blake smile, a soft but very happy smile.

“We would be more comfortable on the bed though…” The older man noted, even though the bed could not be said to be ‘comfortable’ (even though compared to the trenches back in France, it was much more comfortable). 

He didn’t want Tom to stand up for too long because of his wound, fearing he might have tired himself out. 

“Come.”

He took Blake by the hand and led him to the bed, going slowly and being careful that his side wouldn’t pull too much. The younger one let himself be guided silently, and once they reached the bed again, they sat on it next to each other. Blake quickly wrapped his arms around Schofield’s neck once again and kissed him again as well. 

Schofield put his hand on his left cheek and caressed it softly. Blake leaned into the touch and sighed in pleasure. They kept making out for a while, pulling away to catch their breaths when necessary until at some point, Blake wanted to remove Schofield’s jacket, so he started doing so, but Schofield did it for him and once he had he put it on the end of the bed.

He then decided to untie his tie again, and this time, to his great relief, Schofield didn’t stop him. But before he started unbuttoning his shirt, he leaned forward and began kissing Schofield’s neck, slowly at first and more hungrily little by little, kissing soon turning into sucking, and sucking soon turning into biting, which elicited continuous moans from the older man. The younger one decided to alternate between the three and was careful not to leave any hickeys when he was sucking. 

After a while, he finally decided to unbutton Schofield’s shirt as he kept kissing his neck. He trailed soft kisses down his neck to his collarbones and chest as he was unbuttoning each button. When he was done with that, he stopped kissing him momentarily to remove his braces. The older male opened his eyes again and watched him do it silently. 

Once he had got rid of them, he captured Schofield’s lips into a passionate kiss. And as they were kissing, he started removing his now unbuttoned shirt, something the older male helped him with. 

After some more kissing, they ended up lying on the bed. They were lying on their sides, facing each other, Schofield on the side of the bed that was against the wall, and Blake was careful to lie on the side where he hadn’t been wounded. 

They just stared into each other’s eyes in a peaceful silence, their eyes full of love and tenderness. At some point Blake put his right hand in Schofield’s hair and stroked it delicately before it slid down on his cheek. 

Blake’s signet rings were cold against his skin, drawing a sharp contrast with the warmth of his hand, but the older man didn’t mind. He closed his eyes and relished that pleasant feeling, and that peaceful silence as well. 

The younger lad then began tracing his cheek with his fingers, first his cheekbone, then he went down, his index finger brushing the corner of Schofield’s mouth, before he traced his jawline with the same finger. Schofield sighed in contentment, earning him a soft smile from Blake. 

After staying like that for some time, Blake removed his hand from his cheek and positioned himself on top of Schofield, having made the older male lie on his back. 

The view below him took his breath away. Schofield’s body was just…perfect. There was no other word that Blake could find to describe it. 

And now he was having a kind of inferiority complex, not that he was jealous of Schofield’s body, no, he was just feeling insecure with his own body that was far from being like his. Schofield had broad shoulders, perfectly defined muscles, arms, pectorals and abs and his veins stood out finely. As for himself, he had the body of the youth he was, even after spending several months in the army. He wasn’t skinny but his body wasn’t very toned compared to Schofield’s. 

Was it the reason why Schofield hadn’t removed his clothes yet? Because he had figured out his body wasn’t that attractive? He guessed so. Well, there was a clear distinction between love and attractiveness, even though sometimes the two could be combined. 

He was somewhat afraid to show his own body now, a bit ashamed of it. He didn’t have a woman’s body, with soft and sexy curves and breasts. Just by looking at his face that was a bit chubby you could infer what the rest of his body was like. That’s why he decided not to remove his own clothes. He didn’t need to remove them for what he wanted to do anyway. 

Well, actually he could at least remove his jacket and shoes. So he just removed his jacket and threw it away, not bothering where it would land (let's just say that he was too lazy to remove his shoes; anyway, who really cares about that?). 

Afterward, he kept admiring Schofield’s body for a little while as the latter was staring at him silently. He then leaned down to kiss Schofield’s mouth once again, seemingly unable to get enough of it. Of course, the older man kissed back as he ran his fingers through Blake’s soft hair and they made out once again, though it was shorter this time. Blake pulled away only to trail kisses down his chin, neck, collarbones, chest, stomach, belly button, leaving a straight line of wet marks as he was doing so. He stopped just above the waistband of Schofield’s trousers. 

The latter gazed at him with an uncertain look, but Blake didn’t make eye contact with him so he couldn’t see it. He waited for a few seconds before he unzipped his trousers swiftly and made them slide down until he reached the middle of Schofield’s thighs. He then made his underpants slide down as swiftly as he had unzipped his trousers, revealing his dick that had hardened by now. 

Blake licked his lips and instantly afterward he gripped the other’s dick with a firm hand and heard Schofield gasp as soon as he did. He started stroking it energetically and with dexterity. Schofield let out a loud moan at the friction. He squeezed his eyes shut, biting his lower lip to prevent another loud moan from leaving his mouth. His breathing became ragged as could be expected. 

Blake stared at his face as he was stroking his shaft, taking in every detail of his facial expression. 

Schofield bit his lip harder and harder, even though he wished he wouldn’t draw blood by doing such a thing. But Blake wanted to hear his moans; the sound was like a sweet melody to his ears. So he squeezed his shaft, not too tightly though, hoping his action would grant him the result he wanted. 

Schofield let out a stifled moan that looked like a kind of throaty noise. That was better than nothing, Blake told himself. 

After he kept stroking his shaft for a few more moments, he decided to take things to the next level. He leaned down again and ran his tongue over the head languidly, which made Schofield’s shaft twitch. He made slow and circular movements around it with the tip of his tongue, which gave the older male goosebumps. Once he deemed he had traced enough circles around it, he licked the shaft still in the same way as he did with the head until he reached the end of it, where his hand was. Afterward, he licked it again until his tongue was back on the head. He then made back and forth movements, going up and down, and taking care of licking each side and not only the middle of it. 

He heard Schofield letting out a deep, loud and ragged breath, sounding almost like a sigh. But he was still holding back his moans, much to Blake’s dismay. 

So he kept teasing him for a long while, feeling Schofield twitch every now and then under his touch. He could hear some feeble moans that the older man was desperately trying to hold back, to his great satisfaction. 

“S-stop…” Schofield ended up trailing off, seemingly unable to take it any longer. 

But Blake wouldn’t stop. Now that he had started, he wanted to finish what he had started. 

He removed his tongue from his shaft, hardly leaving Schofield the time to breathe before he took his shaft into his mouth and started sucking it energetically while stroking it with his hand. This time, Schofield was unable to hold back the loud moan that escaped his mouth, making Blake even more satisfied. 

He kept working his way deeper and deeper, slowly but surely, as Schofield began thrusting. But Blake made him stop as he stopped sucking his shaft momentarily, making him understand with one look that he wanted him to stay still. He wanted to have total control over what he was doing. 

Schofield squeezed his eyes shut again as he resumed sucking his shaft, taking it deeper and deeper into his mouth, increasing the pace as the seconds passed. He hadn’t meant to thrust; it had just been a mechanical reflex that he couldn’t help. 

The older male gripped Blake’s hair and squeezed it tightly as he was panting more and more the deeper Blake got. He could feel his legs trembling with pleasure as he kept panting heavily. It was much better than wanking off with his own hand. 

He really wasn’t able to hold back his moans any longer, so Blake was blessed with a series of constant moans, which also contributed to turning him on. 

After a while, Schofield knew he wouldn’t be able to last much longer. 

“T-Tom,” he uttered weakly between two moans.

Said youth could feel he was close; still, he didn’t stop. 

The older male came into his mouth a few moments later, Blake’s name on his lips, his sperm pouring profusely. But Blake didn’t seem to be disgusted by it at all. If anything, he swallowed it all at once without making a face as if it were milk. It had a bittersweet taste. But only did Blake swallow it because it was Schofield’s. 

He finally removed his mouth from Schofield’s shaft, leaving him time to calm down after his climax. He stared at his face intently again, a lovely grin playing on his lips. 

After a little while, Schofield opened his eyes again and he looked at the ceiling. It had been a real mind blowing experience. He didn’t know whether Blake had given a blowjob to any other man before, but it looked like it wasn’t the first time he had done this. 

Now that he was thinking about it, he didn’t even know if Blake was just like him, a heterosexual man that had happened to fall for a man for the very first time, or if he was actually into guys, and had actually dated other guys before meeting him. 

Of course, during all this time he had been assuming that he was into women, like most men; but he wasn’t a mind reader. 

His grip on the younger chap's hair had loosened by now, but he didn’t remove his hand.

After observing him in silence for a few more moments, Blake decided to lean forward to capture his lips in another kiss. Schofield could taste his own cum, or rather what was left of it in Blake’s mouth. Never had he had a taste of it before, or even an aftertaste, but since it was mixed with Blake’s saliva, it wasn’t that bad.

Once they pulled away, they stared into each other’s eyes quietly, breathing air into each other’s face. Neither of them dared to say anything for fear that they might have ruined the moment somehow. 

Schofield’s hand that wasn’t into Blake’s hair found its way to the latter’s cheek and caressed it gently, making Blake lean into the touch and sigh in contentment once again. 

His other hand brought Blake’s face even closer to his own and he nuzzled their noses together. Blake hummed in satisfaction and happiness, making his lover smile lovingly at him. 

It really seemed that time had stopped at that precise moment; but the seconds still passed, and soon became minutes, long minutes. 

“Will…” Blake trailed off, finally breaking the silence. 

“Yes?” 

“Will you make love to me? Please…”

Schofield looked like he was reluctant about his request, or maybe Blake was just drawing conclusions too fast. 

“I need some release too…”

Or maybe he should have just shut up. 

“…”

Well, he couldn’t force him if he didn’t want to.

Schofield was somehow uncomfortable about that. He had never made love with a man before…

And it would be real cheating if he did it now… 

“Just forget about it… It’s okay,” Blake hurried to say, trying to hide the disappointment and sadness in his voice.

He should be happy that Schofield had wanted him to stay in the fist place, and should stop asking for too much. 

But on the other hand, the older male just couldn’t stand the thought of Blake being upset. He pecked Blake’s lips quickly and let go of his hair and cheek to sit up. 

“But…Your wound…I mean, we should be careful…” Schofield reminded him. 

“It’s okay. I’m not gonna break. And it’s healed nicely,” he said with a smile that was so like him. 

Thank God his stabbing wound had actually been shallower than what people had thought. 

Schofield just couldn’t ignore the fact that his shaft was twitching at the thought of being inside Blake. 

After pushing all thoughts away again, he removed every bit of clothing that was left on him, and his shoes first that he left on the floor next to the bed, his socks, his trousers and underpants that were already half removed and put them all on the end of the bed since there wasn’t really any other space where he could put them. He didn’t even have a proper wardrobe to put them in. That’s why he would leave them on a chair whenever he wasn’t wearing them. 

Once he was back to his previous spot on the bed he pecked Blake’s lips gain, making the other whine, making him grin. He then helped him remove all of his clothes, or rather did it for him since Blake didn’t seem to be willing to remove them on his own. It’s not as if he could make love to him if he was fully clothed. Well, actually he could have, just by dropping his trousers and underpants, but if he chose to make love to him, he might as well do it properly. 

After he had removed Blake’s clothes (as well as his shoes which he put down on the floor next to his) and put them on his own, he took the lead this time, and started with soft and loving kisses all over Blake’s face before going down to kiss, suck and bite his neck, having the younger male lie down on the bed as he was doing so. Blake complied meekly as he was too busy moaning softly under the touch of the man. 

Even though positions were now reversed, Schofield did more or less the same thing that Blake had done to him earlier, except that it lasted longer. He kept showering the younger boy with amorous and soft kisses all over his upper body, wanting his mouth to taste every bit of it before he started making love to him. Kissing his skin felt almost as good as kissing his lips; it was soft and had a scent that was somewhat intoxicating as well and that he couldn’t quite define. He ended up licking it as if it were ice cream, making Blake shiver. 

Once he had taken care enough of his upper body, he sat up and tried to figure out how he should do things properly. He guessed that making love to a man wasn’t that different from making love to a woman; the only difference was that men had only one hole and no vagina. He just wanted to make sure he wouldn’t do anything wrong and that it would be a pleasurable experience for Blake. 

He put his index and middle fingers into his mouth and sucked them so they would be coated with his saliva. Blake watched him do it with a kind of slightly confused look. He probably wished that those fingers could have been somewhere else. 

Once they were wet enough he removed them and spread Blake’s legs, careful not to make him wet with them. When he was done with that, he looked for his butt hole which he quickly found. Very slowly and extremely carefully, he started sliding one finger into it. Blake’s body twitched, but Schofield couldn’t say whether it was a good thing or not; so he still remained extremely careful as he began moving his index finger inside it. He put his left hand on Blake’s right thigh while he kept moving his finger and stroked it gently. 

After a little while, he added his other finger inside it, and kept stretching his hole so he would be prepared for what was to come. He glanced at Blake every now and then to make really sure he wasn’t hurting him, but he didn’t seem to be in too much pain from what he could see. He let out small moans, but nothing indicating Schofield was doing things wrong.

After another while, he removed both fingers from Blake’s hole, making the latter whine at the loss of contact. 

Schofield took a long and deep breath before he positioned his shaft that had become hard again at the entrance of Blake’s hole. Blake shivered as the head was brushing against it, and his own shaft twitched in anticipation. 

Only when he was sure that Blake was ready, did he penetrate him. He was overwhelmed with a rush of sudden heat as soon as he was inside him. Blake mewled at the sudden contact. Schofield inferred it must have been the first time he had been penetrated. As he was holding his thighs tightly, he leaned forward to kiss him lovingly. He then kissed his jawline in the same way before he licked and kissed his earlobe. Blake was squirming underneath him, trying to adjust to the new feeling as best he could. 

Schofield left him all the time he needed as he kept kissing his face and then whispered sweet words into his ear, kissing and licking his earlobe as well. 

After a few minutes, Blake nodded to tell him it was all good for him. Schofield nodded in return and started thrusting slowly in and out of him. Blake squeezed his eyes shut and let out continuous moans as Schofield kept thrusting. 

“Oh God…” he moaned in such a way that it was a real blasphemy.

He didn’t know for how long Schofield kept thrusting at that pace, but he needed more. 

“F-faster…” he whined in between moans. 

But the older man was satisfied with that pace. He didn’t wish to go any faster. 

“Will…” Blake complained. “Please…”

Said man didn’t change his pace, his ears falling deaf to Blake’s plea. Well, this time he was the one who was in control. And he didn’t want to fuck the younger male just as if it were only just for sex, no, he didn't want just a quick shag; because it wasn’t just about sex and lust. It was first and foremost about love. 

“I want to take it slow,” Schofield whispered into his ear as he kept thrusting at a slow and steady pace. “I don’t want you to come too soon. We’re in no hurry. Remember?” 

He kissed his cheek right after he finished speaking. 

Blake didn’t say anything more afterward. But he started thrusting his hips, still wanting Schofield to go deeper and faster despite what the older man had just said to him. 

“Shhh… Don’t be so impatient," Schofield whispered again in his ear, but more fondly this time, kissing his earlobe once again afterward. "I promise it'll be even better this way. Good things come to those who wait."

The older man kissed his neck slowly before he bit it softly, making Blake buck his hips. He didn't stop kissing him, hoping it would help to have Blake forget his growing frustration. It seemed to be working since the younger bloke didn't try any more to have him speed up his pace. 

Blake ended up adapting to Schofield's pace, finding enough pleasure and satisfaction in it. At some point, he let out a moan that was louder than all the others and arched his back as Schofield eventually hit his prostrate, still going at the same pace.

"D-don't...Stop..." he managed to say even though it was becoming harder and harder for him to even think at all.

"I won't," the other man assured him with a smile.

Blake had absolutely no idea how long he lasted, but when he finally came, he came with a loud shout, Schofield’s name on his lips as sperm spurted all over his stomach. His legs were shaking like crazy and his mind had gone completely blank as he was now overwhelmed by pure bliss. 

Schofield came not that long after him, but he was less noisy as he did and poured his own cum into Blake, as much as earlier even though he had already cummed once. The way Blake’s hole tightened around his manhood. It was just… Too much for him. 

He didn’t withdraw from Blake immediately; he waited for a while, probably enjoying too much the feeling of Blake’s warmth wrapping itself around his manhood.

They were both panting heavily, taking their time to recover from their respective orgasms. When Schofield was finally about to withdraw, Blake spoke up. 

“No, please, don’t,” he trailed off with a weak and tired voice. “Not just yet…”

And since Schofield still couldn’t deny him anything, he complied quietly and kissed his jawline adoringly. 

They remained in that position for what may have been half an hour, perhaps more, or less, they didn’t know. Meanwhile Schofield kept kissing him slowly and fondly, everywhere his lips had already been. His kisses were those of a man deeply in love, just like the way he had made love to Blake. It was something the younger lad couldn’t complain about. Who could be so lucky as to having so considerate a lover? 

“Will…” he moaned his name so beautifully as said man wouldn’t stop kissing him. 

He wanted him to repeat it over and over again.

When Schofield had finally withdrawn from Blake’s hole by that time, the two of them were lying down side by side, pressed close against each other’s skin. Blake laid his head down on Schofield's bare and sweaty chest, still careful to lie on his side where he hadn’t been wounded. He put his right hand just below the right side of Schofield's chest, near his heart. 

Schofield ran his left hand through his brown hair, and stroked it lovingly and slowly while he wrapped his other hand around Blake’s frame. As he kept stroking his hair, Blake ended up falling asleep in that position. Schofield smiled at him softly as he noticed he had just fallen asleep. He looked at him slumbering in the dimness; he looked so innocent, so peaceful, and so adorable like that. It was a sight he wanted to be etched in his mind forever. 

At some point, he stopped stroking his hair, and used the arm that was now free to wrap it around him, just like his other arm. He wanted to bring the younger male closer, but it was rather difficult in the position Blake was currently in, and he didn’t want to wake him up in any way. 

He wished he could have had a good night sleep like he hadn’t had in a long while, with the one he loved in his arms, but he couldn’t help thinking about how in two days he would be back in the trenches in France, and this time far from Blake. 

He wondered how he would be able to cope in this living hell without him. The only thing which reassured him was that Blake would be safe back home. 

He hugged the youth tighter instinctively, pressing him closer to him. He never wanted to let go of him ever again, even though he would have to eventually. 

Suddenly fear began overwhelming him, making him shake slightly, his face turning into some kind of sour expression, but then he looked as if he wanted to cry. 

He didn’t want to go back there. 

He felt that having to leave Blake would be even worse than having to leave his wife and daughters. Or at least, it wouldn’t be easier…

He kissed his hair tenderly, hoping he would have the chance to see him again after he left him. 

But hope was a dangerous thing, especially in times of war. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! 
> 
> So as you can see this chapter took me quite a long time to write, more than all the previous ones, which can be accounted for by the fact that it is much longer as well. I didn't really have any trouble writing it as for the beginning, that is until I reached around 2,500 words (with the small moment of angst, you know), but then it became much more complicated with the love and then sex scenes... I'm definitely not an expert at writing that kind of stuff; I mean that was my second attempt at writing about this, and despite reading many stories including smut and sex scenes, including in that fandom (that were so well-written in my opinion by the way), I'm not sure it's that good. I still hope it is though. 
> 
> I just found it would be more interesting to shift and alternate points of views in that specific chapter, so we could have both Blake's and Schofield's, because love and sexual stuff is usually something you do when you're two, so it's something you share; hence the importance of having the two povs :) 
> 
> Also, about Schofield not being from London, I can't know for sure where he's really from, but let's just say that it was for a matter of...plot, I guess, well if you see what I mean; I can't even find the right word... Well, it doesn't change much to what he did, but still. 
> 
> I'll try to publish the following chapter sooner; I can't promise anything though..


	9. One More Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blake and Schofield have just one day left together and they intend to make the most of it.  
> Or to sum it up more simply, some more fluff and angst.

“If I were to kiss you then go to hell, I would. So then I can brag with the devils I saw heaven without ever entering it.”

― William Shakespeare

~ 

The following morning, Will was up very early, some time before dawn. He had still managed to get some sleep during the night despite the fear of going back to the battlefield that was was clinging to him, thanks to Tom’s warmth that had a soothing effect on him. 

They were still lying in the same position, the only difference was that Will’s right arm was resting upon Tom’s, their hands being intertwined together and resting on the side of his chest. 

Tom was still sleeping soundly unlike Schofield. He must have never had such a good night sleep in a long while, the older man told himself.

A small but soft smile creeped across his lips as he was staring at Tom. He was trying to not think too much about the following day when he would have to leave and to enjoy the present moment while he still could. For now, his lover was by his side, safe, his body warm. It was just the two of them, far from all the horrors of the battlefield and the trenches.

He needed to make the most of it before it became too late. Yet, the mere thought of having to bid farewell to Tom was making his heart clench painfully in his chest. 

He felt he wouldn’t be able to leave him in such circumstances, let alone did he feel like being able to tell him about his having to go back to France. He felt it would ruin the moment, the whole day and following night. 

On top of that, he couldn’t help but think about his wife and daughters. He should have been home with them at that moment, and not with Tom in some London apartment to do sinful things. 

He may never see them again either…

Anyway, it was too late to feel guilty now. What's done cannot be undone. He shook the thought out of his mind as he focused solely on the younger man whose hot and even breath was fanning against his skin. 

Tom woke up to the first rays of the sunlight and stirred a bit before properly waking up. Will didn’t move as he watched him open his eyes, blinking to adjust them to the natural light. 

A bright smile made its way on Will’s lips as Tom turned his head slightly and locked eyes with him.

“Good morning,” he whispered in a soft voice. 

Tom returned his smile. 

“Morning,” he whispered back in a sleepy voice that Will found to be extremely attractive. 

The younger male started leaving loving kisses on the other’s chest. He stirred slightly so he could cover every part of his skin with his mouth, still on his chest.

Will simply reveled in the feeling of Tom’s wet mouth against his warm skin, and squeezed the younger bloke’s hand that was still intertwined in his. 

After leaving wet kisses all over his chest, he stirred again so he could kiss his neck, still slowly and lovingly, before his lips ended up on Will’s. The older male ran his free hand through Tom’s hair as they were kissing each other and closed his eyes. 

Once they pulled away for air, Tom laid his head back on Will’s chest and brought their entwined hands to his lips and gave the back of Will’s a chaste and quick close-mouthed kiss. 

Will couldn’t help the grin that spread across his lips.

They both remained quiet for a few moments until Tom decided to speak up.

“It’s the best waking up I’ve had in months. No. In years.”

His statement earned him another grin from Will. Seeing and hearing that the younger male was so happy and content made him glad. His being happy was all that really mattered to him. 

However, his smile soon vanished as he was reminded that from the day after that one all the next waking ups would be the worst of his life, and what was even worse was that he didn’t even know how long it would last. 

Whenever he wanted to enjoy happy times, the bloody reality was there to remind him that it was only short-lived. 

He let out a shaky breath that Tom didn’t fail to hear. And with that the latter began imagining things. 

Will regretted what they had done last night, he told himself, and his heart ached at this thought. 

His lack of response and sudden tension in his body were proof enough to figure it out; he didn’t need more. 

He probably wouldn’t tell him so for fear of hurting him and to spare his feelings.

Tom remained utterly still as if he was afraid to make the slightest move. He was trying to keep a neutral face at least since smiling was rather hard now; his speculations having completely ruined his happy mood. 

Will didn’t move either and he interpreted that not as a good sign. If the older male didn’t take the initiative to kiss him and touch him anymore, it _really_ wasn’t a good sign. 

At some point, he disentangled their entwined hands, under Will’s silent gaze. He then sat up, holding back a whine due to the total loss of contact between their warm bodies.

“I guess I should leave now,” he simply said, trying to keep his tone as neutral as possible. 

Will just stared at him silently, seemingly too taken aback by his sudden action and words to reply anything. 

Tom didn’t even dare make eye contact with him anymore. He stood up from the bed swiftly and made his way towards the end of it in silence to grab his clothes as Will sat up and watched him wordlessly. 

“Wouldn’t you like to clean yourself up before you go?” Will asked him with a somewhat concerned voice before he could put them back on. 

Tom was begging in his head for Will to hold him back, to tell him to stay, to make him lie down in bed with him again, to kiss him all over just like he had a few hours earlier. 

But all he could find to tell him was this. 

“No, thanks. We are more than well used to dirtiness in the trenches,” he replied flatly.

Will said nothing as if that mere answer was reason enough to not speak any longer. So he just watched Tom getting dressed silently, not even bothering getting dressed himself. 

He was in a real dilemma. Either he should ask Tom to stay and try to enjoy the last few moments he would have with him before having to go back next morning or let him go now, in the hope that parting ways like that would be easier rather than waiting until the last minute. 

He didn’t know what to do. 

Once Tom was fully dressed he glanced at Will who still hadn’t moved, still waiting for him to do something, to hold him back. 

“Well… Thanks for putting me up for the night,” he merely said, trying to keep his voice stable and to sound nice.

Well, it had been much more than just putting him up, Will couldn’t help but think. And so he just intended to leave him like that after what had happened, didn’t he? A few moments earlier he had been sheerly happy and now he was acting all distant and cold, and Will couldn’t really understand his demeanour and sudden change in mood… 

He didn’t even have the words to make a suitable response to that. 

But maybe after all it was better this way. Physical and emotional distance generally made that kind of things be less painful. 

Yet, both of them were suffering from it deep down. 

Because of Will’s lack of response, Tom simply decided to leave without saying anything else or approaching him again, although he wished he could kiss him one last time; he guessed it was best not to do so. 

He glanced at the older male one last time before he made his way toward the door. He ignored the unpleasant sensation in his stomach as he was walking, at least he tried to. 

Anyway, before he could reach the door he was grabbed and turned around and then kissed, roughly at first but then more slowly and tenderly. 

And of course, he kissed back without any hesitation, reveling once again in the pleasurable contact of their lips. 

Will needed to feel his lips against his one last time.

Their kiss rapidly turned into a heated making out session as Tom put his hands on his bare hips and started fondling them languidly. They slid momentarily on his ass before they found their way back to his hips. 

When they eventually broke the contact, Will pulled Tom into a tight hug, not wanting to let go of him anytime soon. 

The younger male gladly hugged him back, not ready to let go of him either. 

They remained in that position for quite a while, which had Will realise he couldn’t let Tom go, not just yet. He needed him, he needed his warmth, his softness, his voice to reassure him. 

But if Tom really wanted to go now, he couldn’t force him to stay…

When he lessened the hold of the hug, it was only to kiss the younger male again. And just like the day before, Tom pushed him gently until they reached the bed. 

The younger bloke debated over whether he should remove his clothes and shoes or keep them on. Since Sco hadn’t bothered to put his on as of now, he guessed he could; but at the same time, he could still tell him clearly what they had done the day before was a mistake and that he didn’t want to do it again. 

Instead of opting for carefulness and sense, in the end he chose to remove everything that was covering his skin to leave it to complete exposure. He wanted to feel their bare skins against each other at least one more time before he went anywhere. 

He undressed in between kisses as Will was sitting on the bed, and he sat on his knees in front of him once he was done with that. First, his legs were on each side of Will’s, but then he sat on the older man’s lap before capturing his lips in another kiss and wrapping his legs around his waist. 

Will put his hands on his own waist and began making slow, up and down movements with them as Tom’s arms and hands found their way around his neck in an attempt to press their bodies closer.   
After a while, they parted for air once again. Tom rubbed his nose affectionately against Will’s as he was catching his breath. The older man let out a sigh he guessed was one of content since he did the same. 

Once they had caught their breaths, they stared into each other’s eyes intently. 

“I thought you wanted to go back home,” Will said to Tom earnestly.

“Now I won’t as long as you don’t tell me clearly to go away.”

The older male furrowed his brows slightly in confusion. 

“I don’t want you to go away. But…”

Tom was staring at him searchingly, fearing the worst as for the second part of his answer. So he made his own answer. 

“But we can’t stay together anymore, can we?” 

Will kept staring at him seemingly being at a loss for words. He briefly looked down at his lap before looking up again, but he avoided Blake’s gaze. 

Tom just couldn’t stand the silence, it was so frustrating. He wanted Will to speak, even if his words would hurt him. 

That’s what Will did after a long while. 

“I have to leave…” he said in a weak voice that sounded almost desperate. 

His answer, or rather his choice or words, could have been worse, Blake thought. 

“To go back home, right? But I thought you had hated it,” he reminded him as he was somewhat starting to panic. 

He was now ready to do anything to talk him into staying with him. He knew it was selfish, but he wanted to make the most of the time they could have left together, alone, far from their families and the horrors of the war, because he was well aware it wouldn’t last forever. So if he could at least gain a few hours before Will really decided to leave, it would be better than nothing.

Will didn’t reply immediately. There was another long moment of silence during which he tried to hide the fear and desperation that was slowly taking over him. 

“Not to go back home…”

Tom opened his mouth to answer but before he could say anything Will proceeded. 

“My leave ends tomorrow…”

Tom’s face crumpled in horror and realisation. He was left speechless because of Will’s statement.  
“For a brief moment, I thought it would have been easier if you had just left like that, if I hadn’t held you back, but…” Will trailed off after another moment of silence, trying not to sound so desperate, which was a nearly impossible task. 

Tom removed one arm from around his neck to put his right hand on his cheek, and started caressing it in a very slow and gentle way, hoping he would manage to soothe him. Will closed his eyes as he leaned into the touch, reveling in the warmth and softness of his hand. 

Keeping in mind that actions speak louder than words, Tom preferred to keep quiet. 

He kept caressing his cheek for a few moments until Will put one hand on his own and removed it from his cheek to intertwine his fingers with his. He squeezed Tom’s hand lightly as the younger male put his other hand on his other cheek. He caressed it in the same way he had caressed the left one.

The younger fellow was trying to conceal the growing concern, anxiety and sadness he was feeling, because Sco was the one who was going to go back into this living hell, and not him. He was the one who needed to reassure him, at least try to since it was far from being the easiest thing in the world to do. 

He cursed the fact that he wouldn’t be able to be by his side anymore. Actually he would have preferred to go back there too if that meant he could be with him, even if that meant he would have had to pretend and fake his true feelings.

Will broke eye contact with him to lower his head, lowering their entwined hands as well. 

“I’ll hate leaving you just as much as I hated leaving them…” he whispered feebly in the crook of his neck. 

Tom’s heart clenched painfully in his chest as another very unpleasant sensation made his stomach flutter and his breath hitched in his throat. 

He could feel he wouldn’t stand being away from Sco, no matter if it was a short or long amount of time. He needed him; he felt incomplete without him as if a part of him was missing. 

But there was nothing he could do to prevent that from happening. 

He knew Sco wouldn’t let him go back with him now that he was technically discharged because of his wound. 

Not after what had happened. 

Schofield would be too afraid to lose him again, to fail to protect him. 

Tom ran his left hand through his hair as his breathing was getting more and more uneven. He could feel Will’s own breathing that was ragged as well and hot against the skin of his neck. 

They stayed still for a long while, the only discernible movement being Tom’s hand fondling Will’s hair, sometimes gripping it at the thought of having to let him go.

But at some point Tom stopped caressing his hair and made him look back at him as he cupped his face with his hands. 

“Please, write to me,” he almost begged him, “At least once a week. And I’ll write to you. And if you don’t write back it’ll mean that…” he trailed off. 

Will wrapped his fingers around Tom’s wrists, but he didn’t remove the latter’s hands from his face. 

“What am I supposed to write to you?”

“Anything, really. As long as I know you’re fine and alive, it doesn’t matter.”

Will nodded slightly. He guessed he could at least do that for Tom. 

“And when I write “Myrtle sends all her love to you” it’ll actually mean ‘I love you’,” the younger lad then said gently.

And his statement made Will grin. Tom was probably part of the very few ones, if not the only one, who would use a dog to tell about his own feelings. 

The older male pressed a chaste kiss to his lips, and Tom immediately kissed him back. 

  
They spent the rest of the day lying down in bed, cuddling and kissing mostly, but Tom also told stories that he had most likely made up to cheer Will up, to make him laugh and smile, which worked all too well. The simple fact of listening to the sound of Tom’s voice was enough to make Will smile. 

The only two times when they left the bed was to grab a bite thanks to the few groceries Will had left, which they did as soon as they heard Tom stomach growl. 

  
“Sco….” Tom said at some point in the evening as he was in Will’s arms. 

“Hm?”

“When the war ends, will…Will we see each other again?” 

There was a long moment of silence before said man replied. Tom could hear Will’s ragged breathing in the silence. 

“I’m not even sure I will come back…”

Tom didn’t even want to consider that possibility. He had to come back.

“But _if_ you _do_ come back….”

Silence. 

“I…I don’t know…”

Tom just remained silent afterward. He didn’t press the matter any further. 

Will didn’t seem to be willing to talk about that any more. He couldn’t plan ahead of time if he wasn’t a hundred percent sure he would come back home. 

It was thanks to war that they had met, and still because of war and his wound that they were alone together in that London flat at that precise moment. But once war ended, they would have no reason to be together anymore. They would go back to their respective lives, just like before the war, to their own families. And probably pretend what they had never actually happened. 

Tom’s breathing started becoming uneven and ragged once again. 

Sco would probably end up forgetting about him, and come to realise he hadn’t really loved him, that it had just been some kind of infatuation or fling. 

That he actually didn’t need him. 

That mere thought was making his heart ache. 

He just couldn’t help being jealous of Will’s wife. There was a sort of one sided competition between him and her that he knew he couldn’t win. 

Seemingly detecting the sudden tension forming in his body, Will started kissing his neck, languidly and affectionately. 

The younger male closed his eyes and tried to make his breathing become even again. 

All the awful thought he’d been having left his mind as he decided to fully relish in what he still could have before it was over. 

“Will…”

  
The following morning, Schofield was ready to leave before the crack of dawn. He watched Tom sleep for a little while before he left the bed and got dressed. Wearing his uniform again wasn’t really a pleasant sensation… It reminded him of the terrible living conditions he would have to put up with again in the trenches. 

When he was still lying in bed with Tom, the latter didn’t wake up, and even when he left the bed, Tom didn’t wake up either. Schofield made sure he wouldn’t because if he really _did_ wake up, he knew he wouldn’t be able to leave him. 

Before he left for good, he approached the bed one last time and kneeled down. He ran his hand through Tom’s hair one last time, being extremely careful not to wake him up.

He could feel he was on the verge of breaking down, but he was still trying to regain his composure. His lower lip started trembling uncontrollably and he bit it harshly, hoping it would stop. 

He leaned forward slowly and quietly before he planted a chaste kiss on Tom’s temple. And he inhaled his scent one last time before he rose to his feet again and left without looking back. 

After about an hour or so later, he finally was at the train station, waiting for his train to arrive. While he was waiting, he thought about his mother, about his wife, his two daughters, then about Tom, then again about his mother, his wife, his daughters, and Tom, and thought about all of them on repeat. 

He admitted it had been easier not to go back home at all, even if that meant he may have never seen his family again. 

Only when the train arrived did a single tear roll down his cheek, which he quickly hurried to wipe away with the back of his hand. 

Now wasn’t the right time to be weak. 

He got on the train swiftly, suppressing all thoughts of his family and even of Tom. 

It would be just him against the cruel reality of the war now. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! 
> 
> So this chapter took me even more time to write compared to the previous one, but I hope at least the long wait was worth it. 
> 
> Feel free to let me know what you thought about it :) 
> 
> I don't really know what else I could write in that note so I guess it'll be all for that one.


	10. He loves me, he loves me not; he loves her, he loves her not; he loves me, he loves her more; he loves her, he loves me more…

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time skip to the end of the war. Reunions, fluff, and of course angst...

_“Love…No such thing. Whatever it is that binds families and married couples together, that’s not love. That’s stupidity or selfishness or fear. Love doesn’t exist. Self-interest exists, attachment based on personal gain exists, complacency exists. But not love. Love has to be reinvented, that’s certain.”_

― Arthur Rimbaud. _  
_

_November 11th, 1918_

The Great War was finally over.

This meant the end of the nightmare for so many men. Most people had lost hope about a peace treaty but that day was a real blessing for everyone. 

Tom had never been so relieved in his life. This meant Sco would be able to go back home for good, and would never have to go into this hell hole ever again. And he knew the older male would come back home without any serious injury as he was reading the last letter from him he had just received that morning. 

In that letter (which wasn’t very long), Schofield mostly mentioned the rumours of a peace treaty that had been the main topic of conversation between most soldiers in the very last few days of the war. 

But he didn’t mention that they would see each other again or that he would come and visit him like his mother had wanted him to do, which left him all sad and disappointed despite his relief.

He let out a sigh of despair as he was now looking out of the window, the one that was in the living room. 

He just wished he could have seen Sco one last time…

Was he asking for too much? 

He didn’t even have a picture of him so he could stare at it for some comfort, and he feared he might have forgotten what he looked like with time. 

He guessed it would be pointless to write back to him now that the war was officially over. Staying in touch with him without being able to be close to him again while he would be with his wife and daughters, happy without him, it would hurt him more than anything else.

His fingers tightened on the paper in such a way that it became a bit crumpled. 

Why did he have to fall in love with a married man? 

Why did his heart have to choose Sco and not someone else?

He bit his bottom lip hard as he couldn’t stand feeling so miserable. 

“Who’s that letter from?” His mother suddenly asked him as she was having a peep at said paper over his shoulder. 

“Is that from Will again or from your brother?”

Will…

He still couldn’t believe his own mother would be so familiar with a man she had just met once. Fortunately, she hadn’t been suspecting anything. She just believed he and Schofield were very close friends. And that was for the better. 

He didn’t answer her question. 

The woman could see he wasn’t okay. 

“What is it with that hangdog look?” She asked him with concern, “you should be happy now that that war is finally over,” she pointed out. 

“I am,” he replied after a few seconds of silence as he was still looking out of the window.

“You don’t sound like you are.”

Tom just remained silent. He didn’t wish to bother her with his own worries, let alone to tell her the true reason which was making him so sad. 

“If that letter is from Will, write to him and tell him to visit us some time,” his mother simply told him as she put one hand on his shoulder. 

But then…

“Wait, has something happened to him?” She asked suddenly worried. 

Tom glanced at her before replying. 

“No, he’s all right; don’t worry, Mum.”

“Oh God, you scared me... for a few seconds I was thinking about the worst.”

Tom glanced at her again, only to see her facial expression. 

“Cheer up then. No one should be sad on a day like this one,” she then said, a hint of cheerfulness in her voice. 

“I know, Mum. It’s just that… No one believed it would happen after those four long years.”

“But it _is_ happening, so please, smile for me, will you? Tommy.”

So he faked a smile, because he didn’t want his mother to be upset because of his behaviour. 

“I want us to make something great for when your brother comes back,” she then added, being completely happy now. 

Tom turned his head to stare at her somehow in disbelief. 

“You mean like a kind of party?” He asked her. 

“Yes!” She chirped. “We’ll finally be all reunited again, and no other war will be able to separate us ever again,” she said with such assurance and confidence that Tom wanted to believe her. 

Sco had taught him one thing while they had been in the trenches: nothing could be certain as far as the future was concerned. 

“Come and help me!” She then said as she gripped his arm. “You will have time to write back tonight.”

“Okay, okay, but please, let go of me!”

His mother didn’t want to make something too fancy or extravagant, but she wanted to welcome her eldest son back properly. 

  
_Three days later._

Tom was playing with Myrtle’s puppies in the living room since the weather was rather cold outside when he heard the front door open and steps making their way to the room he was in. He thought it was his mother coming back from town. 

But as he turned his head his eyes widened. 

“Joe!” He exclaimed as he sprang back on his feet and ran toward his brother who was standing in the door frame, the puppies following after him as if he were their own mother. 

He threw himself in his brother's arms to hug him tightly, almost making them tumble. Fortunately, Joe had enough strength to hold them both back.

The older male hugged Tom back just as tightly. 

“Finally, you’re home,” Tom said, happiness obvious in his voice. 

“Yes,” the other replied smiling. 

Tom was ecstatic to see his brother again, so much so that his joy made him forget how sad he was about Schofield. 

“We missed you,” Tom confessed as they were still hugging each other. 

“I missed you too,” his brother replied after a few moments of silence. 

Tom tightened his grip instinctively. He had been so afraid that something bad might have happened to his elder brother.

“Hey, I’m not leaving you again anytime soon, okay? So, easy.”

Tom loosened his grip on his brother, mumbling some apology. 

“But you’ll eventually leave us one day. I mean you won’t stay here forever. You’ll find some woman and marry her to settle down with her,” Tom said with a hint of disappointment in his voice. 

Sometimes, he just couldn’t help being nostalgic about the past. He wished he could go back in time when they were all together, he, his brother, his mother and his father. Things seemed to have been much simpler at that time. 

“Well, you won’t stay here forever either. You’ll get a girl too and marry her,” Joe told him somewhat amused by his brother’s words, or rather by the way he said them. 

But Tom wasn’t really too fond of the idea of getting a girl and marrying her…

“Hey, don’t worry. Even when we have our respective families, we’ll still keep seeing each other, and Mum will be there too. I want to see my future nieces and nephews grow up,” Joe then added with a big smile on his face. 

  
But his words made Tom tense.

“I don’t wanna have children,” he replied, hoping he would manage to sound as natural as possible. But he rather sounded as if he was pouting.

“Of course, you would say that. You’re hardly twenty years old. So you still have time before you can have a family of your own. Unlike me.”

 _Even if I lived for a million years, I wouldn’t want one…_ Tom thought, but he wouldn’t say it out loud. He didn’t wish to raise suspicion. 

Joe didn’t say anything else afterward, neither did Tom. They simply decided to share a comfortable silence and to enjoy their reunion. Meanwhile, the puppies were standing on their hind legs, rubbing against Tom’s trousers with their front paws. They would be clinging to him whenever he was around, that is most of the time, and that had been lasting ever since he had got back home. They loved Tom and Tom loved them just as much. 

After a while, they finally let go of each other, and once they had pulled away, Joe’s gaze fell upon all the puppies that had been trying to get Tom’s attention. Both brothers had been so busy focusing on each other that they hadn’t even paid attention to the puppies' yelping. 

“So these are Myrtle’s puppies, right?” Joe asked Tom with another smile. 

“Yes!”

“Oh my, I’d never thought there would be so many of them…”

“The more the better,” Tom replied before letting out a small laugh. “You’ll see, they _truly_ are adorable.”

“I don’t doubt they are.”

“Please, calm down boys and girls,” Tom told the puppies. “So Joe, this is Gracie, Maddie, Daisy, Ellie, Charlie, Abbie, Ralphie, Sco, and Lucy,” Tom said cheerfully, pointing at each of the puppies as he was naming them. 

“Sco? Isn’t that a weird name for a dog?” Joe asked his brother. 

“No, I don’t think it is,” Tom responded nonchalantly. 

“Where did you find it?” Joes asked him curiously, a playful smile plastered on his lips. 

Tom could feel a pang in his chest at the mere thought of his lover. 

“Remember William Schofield, the one who was sent on that mission to save you?”

“Yes, of course, I do. Wait, don’t tell me…No, you didn’t…”

Joe then burst out in laughter.

“What’s so funny?” Tom asked him, not looking really amused. 

“You’re really one of a kind, you know. Why would you name that puppy after him anyway?”

“Because he reminds me of him.”

“Does he?” Joe said as he raised a brow. “Well, that’s not really striking.”

“That’s because you don’t know either of them well enough.”

“…I guess you’re right,” the elder one replied before letting out a small laugh. “How can you even distinguish them anyway? They all look alike.”

“They may look alike. But each of them is different, believe me.”

“If you say so.”

“Don’t worry, you’ll know who is who in no time,” Tom assured him. 

Joe kneeled down as he kept smiling. 

“Hello, little fellows. You know you’re all very cute.”

The dogs yelped happily as they were starting to surround Joe now, some of them looking as if they wanted to go in his lap as they were standing once again on their hind legs. 

“You all seem to be as energetic and boisterous as Tom,” he said before he took one of them and lifted him in the air. 

“Hey!”

Tom didn’t really take that statement as a compliment. 

“How is this one called?” Joe asked referring to the puppy he was carrying. 

“It’s Abbie.”

“Does William even know you named one puppy after his family name?” 

“Yes, he does. I listed the name of every of them in a letter when he was still in the trenches.”

“And what did he write back?”

“He didn’t mention anything about that.”

“He must have been really pleased to be compared to a dog,” his brother said ironically. 

“Who wouldn’t like to be compared to this cutie pie?” Tom said lovingly as he took said puppy in his arms. 

Joe let out another small laugh before he put Abbie down. 

“Touché.”

“Admit it, you’re just jealous because I didn’t name one of them after you,” Tom said teasingly. 

“Me, jealous? No way.”

Joe glanced at Tom and Sco before he looked at all the other puppies. 

“By the way, where’s Myrtle?” He asked his brother somewhat puzzled. 

“Sleeping in the kitchen. Those little shenanigans have been wearing her out ever since they were born. She needs to get some rest away from them. That’s why they’re always clinging to me. I’ve become a bit like their father, you know.”

“Oh my, poor pups. How unlucky they are to have a father like you.”

“Hey! I’m a better father than what you think.”

“Well, that’s good news for when you’ll have your own children.”

“Stop it with that!”

Joe got close to him, a bit too close for his liking, and ruffled his hair none too gently.

“Oooh Joe! Stop!”

The eldest brother kept doing that for a few more instants before he stopped and hit Tom’s shoulder playfully. 

“Hey!”

Even though Tom wouldn’t say it out loud, he had really missed those kind of moments with his big brother. 

“Mum wanted to give some of them away, but I just couldn’t let her do that… They would have been too miserable being separated from each other,” Tom then said thoughtfully.

“Joe…”

Speaking of the devil. 

Both boys turned their heads in the direction of the front door to see their mother who was finally back from town. 

She quickly approached them, leaving what she had in her hands on the floor. She took a good look at her eldest son before she hugged him. Joe hugged her back.

“It’s good to see you again, Mum.”

“I didn’t think you would get home so soon…”

“I wasn’t sure when I could get back home precisely at first.”

There was silence after his answer. 

“I’m so happy to have my two boys back,” she said once she had pulled away. 

She then put her arms around their shoulders to pull them into a collective hug. And they all embraced each other tightly. 

Tom couldn’t have asked for anything better than that moment. 

  
~ 

Only a few weeks later did he receive an unexpected letter from Schofield. Once his mother had handed him the letter, he stared at the envelope for quite a while in disbelief. He thought at first it might have been a mistake, that Schofield had meant to write to someone else and that he had got the wrong address on the paper. No, he couldn’t have been so careless. But then he didn’t dare to tear the envelope open. He speculated about what Schofield could have possibly written to him, and some part of him was afraid to find out. 

“Well, won’t you open it, Tommy?” He heard his mother say.

He looked up to see her standing a few meters away from him, seemingly curious to know what was written in the letter. 

After having taken a deep breath, he finally opened the envelope, took the letter and unfolded it carefully before he started reading it. 

His eyes widened in bewilderment as he was reading through. He reread it multiple times to make sure he hadn’t read the words wrong. 

“So? What does it say? Is he coming over?” His mother asked him as she could see it was taking him long to read it. 

“No…” he replied after a few moments of silence. “But he wants to see me again…So we can catch up,” he simply told her. 

“Well, you could have caught up here at home.”

“Mum, please,” Tom said a bit irritated, wishing to have some privacy. 

“Make sure to remind him to come here when you see him,” she just said solemnly before she went back to whatever business she had to deal with. 

Tom only hummed in response before he focused back on the letter. He couldn’t believe what was written on the paper. 

Will wanted to meet him in London the following day, and not in just any place, but in a hotel, a place where they could have some privacy. 

His heart skipped a beat at the thought of seeing the older male again, and his throat became all dry.

So he went to the big city, where Schofield wanted them to meet. He got there in the late afternoon and when he eventually found the room of the hotel he stopped before it and looked at it as if it was going to be opened, his heart beating fast in anticipation. He pondered on whether he should knock or open the door himself and enter the room. He finally decided to go for the latter after a few more seconds of reflexion.

He closed the door carefully behind him and took a look at his new surroundings. He remained still for a few seconds before he took a few steps forward to have a better look at the room. It was rather small but it was decent. As he was walking he quickly spotted Schofield who was sitting on the bed, somewhat looking preoccupied by something important. 

As soon as their eyes met, Tom stopped in his tracks as if too mesmerised by the other man to do anything. They both looked like they were taken aback by the other’s presence. Or maybe it was just the shock of seeing each other again after so long. 

Will stood up swiftly and suddenly at some point. 

“Tom…” was all he could utter. 

Maybe it was the way he said his name, or just hearing his voice was enough for him to pounce on the older male, catching the latter off guard. Next thing Schofield knew, Tom was kissing him a bit too aggressively. But the younger bloke simply couldn’t help it; he had missed these lips way too much. Schofield didn’t seem to mind anyway, because he kissed him back more or less in the same way. 

They re-discovered each other’s mouths until they had to pull away to breathe, much to Blake’s dismay. They panted heavily as Schofield pressed their foreheads together and cupped Tom’s face with his hands. Once he had caught his breath, the older man left one kiss on Tom’s lips, then two, three, four, five; but Tom needed more than just kissing and making out. 

The younger lad pushed Will so he would land on the bed before he positioned himself on it, straddling Will. After undressing each other and some more making out and some foreplay, they made love passionately until they were both totally worn out. 

Tom collapsed on Will once he had got over his orgasm. By that time, the room was completely dark. The older man took his head in his hands and brought their lips together in a chaste kiss. Tom smiled at him tiredly. When Will let go of his head, he nestled it in the crook of his neck. 

“I love you,” he whispered softly, but shortly afterward he drifted off into a dreamless sleep, making him unable to know whether Will said it back or not. 

  
When he woke up the following morning, he started panicking when he realised he was all alone in bed. He scanned the room frantically, but there wasn’t any sign of Will anywhere. It was just him and himself and the bareness of the room. 

An awful sensation suddenly made his stomach ache as well as his heart. He started shaking while his breathing was becoming ragged and quickening. 

The last time he had woken up like that had been already horrible enough, when Will had had to go back to war. But now there wasn’t the war any longer… So that could mean only one thing…

Will regretted his decision and must have thought that writing that letter had been a mistake…

He should have known better… That it had been too good to be true, to last…

He could feel he was on the verge of tears. He didn’t want to cry though. He had been so desperate to see Schofield again that he hadn’t even thought twice about joining him there. And now he was left there all alone like the fool he was. 

He didn’t even have the strength to stand up, get dressed and leave now… So he remained sitting up in bed staring blankly at the wall in front of him, trying hard not to break down. 

However after a while, the door opened, making him startle. He feared some stranger might have entered the room; but to his great surprise, the man that entered it was quite familiar. 

“Sco…” he said in disbelief. 

After closing the door, the man approached him swiftly. 

“I’ve got you some breakfast. Thought you might be hungry,” Sco said as he showed him the small bag he had been hiding behind his back. 

Tom stared at him with a dazed look plastered on his face before he suddenly stood up from the bed and threw himself into his arms before hugging him tightly. 

Will wrapped one arm around his waist while he put the other on his upper back. 

Tom buried his head into the crook of his neck, his breathing finally slowing down. 

Instead of saying anything, Will just rubbed small circles on his upper back. The soothing gesture made Tom unable to resist any longer the urge of kissing him. He lifted his head and captured Will’s lips in a slow and loving kiss; the older man kissed him back with exactly the same tenderness and love. And Tom just couldn’t help sighing in relief in the kiss. 

After they broke that kiss, they sat up in bed and Tom ate what Will had bought for him. The older man just liked to watch him eat. It was a sight that was rather funny and that made Will almost laugh. It seemed that Tom hadn’t eaten for days. Or maybe it was just that he liked food too much. 

Will kissed his neck softly as he was chewing on his food, cuddling him from behind as he was sitting in his lap. He had removed his clothes but kept his underwear. 

Tom closed his eyes as he stopped chewing. A moan escaped his lips, something out of his control, and he hurried to swallow the bite he had in his mouth. 

“Don’t do that while I’m eating,” he whined, “or else I’m gonna choke on my food if you keep doing that.”

“Sorry,” Sco apologised softly before he kissed his neck one last time. 

He simply buried his head into Tom’s shoulder as the latter took another bite from his food. There was a long moment of silence before Will decided to break it. 

“You know, when I wrote that last letter to you before coming back home, I thought you’d write back… But you didn’t… and I…I-”

“Because we were supposed to keep writing to each other as long as the war lasted,” Tom replied before he could finish his sentence and after having swallowed the food in his mouth. 

“….”

“And what could have I told you anyway? ‘I wish you all the joy you can wish with your wife and children?’”

“Tom…”

Said young man didn’t say anything else after that, and finished the food that was left instead. 

“Tom…” Will repeated a while after he had finished his food, seemingly unable to stand that silence anymore and too confused or embarrassed (or both) to kiss Tom to make that unspoken unease and tension disappear. 

“I’ll never love anyone else as much as I love you,” Tom finally confessed, his voice a mix of assertiveness and desperation. As if loving Will were a bit of a curse.

“How can you even be sure about that?” 

“I just know it.”

“Look, when I fell in love with my wife, I’d never thought I’d fall in love with anyone else, yet I did.”

“But I’m not you,” Tom retorted.

Will was silent for a short while before he spoke up again. 

“Listen, you can never foresee what’ll happen in the future. That’s just how it is.”

Such wise words, for such a strong-willed and emotional boy. 

“No one can compare to you; _that’s_ how it is.” 

“Don’t say that. You’re just idealising me. I’m certainly not the perfect man.”

“I’m not idealising you, Sco. I just love everything about you, even what the others consider as flaws, I see them as blessings.”

“A first love never lasts forever…” Schofield mumbled thoughtfully. 

“So why don’t you leave your wife then?” Blake retorted, his look challenging. 

“She’s not my first love,” the older male replied gravely. 

This mere statement made Tom even more jealous. 

He just didn’t see the point in saying anything else now. He just needed to calm down, get a grip on himself and repress those negative feelings. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. 

There was a long, very long moment of silence after that small conversation. 

“Tom…” Will ended up repeating once again, somewhat hesitantly. 

At that moment Tom realised that it was pointless to try any more. The more he would cling to that love, the more he would suffer from it in the end. There was no escaping it. This relationship would lead them nowhere, he knew that for sure. Their boat would just sink deeper and deeper into the ocean with time because of the raging waves and storm. There was no possible future for them. 

As much as he loved Sco, he needed to leave now, before he gave way to his uncontrollable impulses, to limit the damage. 

On top of that, he was feeling some guilt deep down for making Sco cheat on his wife. He knew Sco was a good man, and he didn’t want him to get in trouble because of him. 

He managed to get free from his grip and stood up from the bed swiftly. 

“I have to go back home. My mum needs me there,” he just said as an excuse, stoic as a rock, because he perfectly knew his mum could do things all on her own. She had when he and Joe had been both in the trenches. 

Will didn’t hide his disappointment, but he didn’t say anything. No, instead he stood up from the bed as well. 

“Please, don’t try to hold me back. What are you even doing here?” Tom asked him as he raised his voice, his question sounding like a reproach. “Why did you write that letter? You should be with your wife and kids right now!”

Will just stared at him quietly, his mouth slightly agape, seemingly not knowing the answer to that question himself. Tom avoided to make eye contact with him, because he knew that if he stared into those deep blue eyes for too long, he wouldn’t be able to resist the urge of kissing him senseless. 

He got dressed quickly, and so did Will, too busy with putting his clothes on to even glance at Tom. 

Once they were both completely dressed, they stood still in front of each other, seemingly not knowing what to say or to do. 

Tom closed his eyes and took another deep, long breath and waited for a little while before he opened his eyes again. 

Now that he had made his decision, he wasn’t going to change his mind. But there was one last thing he needed Sco to know before he left him for good. 

“If I could, I’d marry you without any hesitation and spend the rest of my life with you. We’d buy a little cottage where no one could find us, have a dog of our own, a female of course, so we could have plenty of pups running all over the house later on, and plant cherry trees all around the house, and sell the cherries we’d pick for a living. Of course, we’d not be rolling in it, but at least we’d be happy, safe into each other’s arms. We’d have our own garden so we’d not be starving. And a well for the water. We’d enjoy the sunset just like we did back in France whenever we could, except that we’d be sat on our front porch. We’d pretend that the outside world didn’t exist, that it’d be just you and I.”

Silence.

“But this will never happen, because you already have a wife and children. And I’m well aware that you’ll choose them over me.”

  
………..

  
Will’s eyes widened in surprise and shock, and maybe a bit in sudden realisation too. He probably hadn’t expected Tom to tell him such a thing, in such a way, in such a place, at such a moment, and in such circumstances. 

Once he had finished speaking, Tom looked down, and waited, waited, waited. He didn’t know why he was waiting; he should just leave now. But it was as if his feet were glued to the floor. 

A part of him was waiting for some kind of reaction on Schofield’s part. Anything. Even if that was a negative reaction. 

But noticing that the older man didn’t look like he would give some answer anytime soon, he spoke up instead. 

“You said it yourself: ‘I shouldn’t be feeling that way towards you’. Remember?”

Will’s eyes widened again, even though Tom couldn’t see it since he was still looking away from him. 

“And you know as well as I do that this thing we have between us can’t work. It’s bound to failure.”

To say that Will was surprised by Tom’s demeanour and words was clearly an understatement. His way of saying things almost took his breath away as it was so unlike the Blake he knew, or rather had known in the trenches. He sounded and acted like a real man, which proved he was definitely not a boy anymore, despite how young he was still looking. 

Will was at a loss for words more than he had ever been before. He wasn’t feeling like a man any longer; he was feeling like a lost and confused child waiting for his parents to tell him what to do next. 

Tom was waiting again, hoping what he had added would help Will recover speech. He waited for a while before Will eventually decided to speak up.

“I know. I know I shouldn’t be here with you, but… I needed to see you again. When you’re not there, I can’t stop thinking about you and even when you’re with me, you’re the one I focus on. I…”

He stopped speaking and tried to regain his composure. 

“I missed you so much it hurt….I’d… I’d never thought I’d fall so hard for anyone, especially not for…another man…”

Was he saying that…

“Don’t get me wrong, I love my wife, and I always will. I just can’t stop feeling that way about you…”

Tom’s heart was aching so hard…

“That’s why we must never see each other again, or even write to each other.”

“If only it was that easy….” Will mumbled, his statement sounding a bit like scolding. 

“I’m just saying that if we stay away from each other, and break the bond we have, it’ll be best for everyone, especially for you.”

“….”

“I didn’t say it’d be easy,” Tom then added.

And then Will said something he thought afterward he should have never said. 

“You’ll never be able to resist without me. Just look how clingy you were back in the trenches, and how you were quick to come when I wrote that letter to you. You just did for what was left of the war, because you had no other choice. But now, I’m sure if I wrote to you again, you’d come back to me. Desperate and needy.”

He said those words with such authority and condescendence that it was enough to make Tom snap back at him, but not in the way you would think. 

“Maybe I would have before, like I did yesterday, but now, just the mere thought of imagining you with your wife, staring at her lovingly and smiling at her softly, whispering sweet nothings into her ear, touching her, fondling her and kissing her all over her body, even her most intimate parts, fucking her and yelling her name while coming, all of this is enough to hold me back, and to make me puke. So, if you’ll excuse me now, I have my own family to go back to.”

His words were sharp, but he meant them. Even when snapping at him, he managed to sound like a real adult, and not like an immature child who would shout at him and insult him. 

With those last words being said, he walked away and left the room, closing the door behind him. He went downstairs (their room was on the first floor), and left the building quickly. 

His face was hit by the breeze and chilly morning air of the big city. But he couldn’t have cared less about the chilly air. 

As he was walking on the London streets, he could feel his lower lip shaking uncontrollably, meaning he was about to break down. But the last thing he wanted was to cry in a public space with people everywhere. They didn’t need to see him so weak and vulnerable. His feelings and emotions were private. Yet, he couldn’t help the tear that rolled down his cheek from falling. 

Having to give up on Sco hurt, and it hurt even more to think about him and his wife. Knowing that Sco loved him and needed to be with him wasn’t making him feel any better. His wife could give him things he couldn’t, make him forget about him. He couldn’t compete with her, no matter how much Sco may have loved him. Hence his decision of capitulating. 

He quickly wiped the tear away with his forearm, and looked down, trying to hide his face from the people that were nearby. 

Sco…

He couldn’t help thinking about him either, though he wished he could have. 

He would always be in his heart, along with the pain of knowing he could never live with him, be the one to make him happy, grow old with him and die in his arms. 

He guessed he would just end up alone for the rest of his life, unhappy, desperate and heart-broken. 

Because he was sure no one would be able to heal his bleeding heart. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! 
> 
> So I am back again with a new chapter, and btw it might be the last one of this fanfic 😕 So once again, I hope this chapter made up for the long wait. 
> 
> To be honest, I've been thinking about making a happy ending for this fanfic, and I really wouldn't mind writing more, because I really, really like this story, more than I thought I would when I first started writing it. 
> 
> Besides, with what's happening worldwide right now, I think we all need some comfort and fluff, even if it may be a bit too cheesy. 
> 
> Still, please let me know if you want me to continue it; i like having other people's opinions and especially reading all those great comments :)
> 
> Also, I don't know what you guys think about it, but I kinda like that aspect of Blake acting all serious like a grown up man 😍 I wanted to try it out and I find it makes his character even greater and more interesting. 
> 
> And Schofield acting a bit like a prick toward the end, not so bad either, is it? 
> 
> Anyway, more importantly:
> 
> Stay safe and healthy ❤️️


	11. Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Basically, Will is with his family at home and still pines for Tom (I still suck at writing decent summaries..., so sorry about that)

_Six months later…_

These last six months had been a kind of torture for Will. He had been trying to forget Tom at all costs, but in vain. It was impossible to get him out of his mind. He had already missed his presence so much during the last one and half year of the war, and it was even worse by now… it seemed that he was missing him more and more every day. There wasn’t a day that passed without him thinking of Tom. 

When he woke up, he thought of him, when he was at work too, even sometimes when he was with his daughters, and with his wife… Whenever he would kiss her, he couldn’t help yearning for Tom’s lips and skin, and even the only time when he had made love to her again he had wished it could have been Tom instead…

At night, when he couldn’t sleep because of the trauma of the war, he thought of him too, and instantly, his anguish would be eased. But then he would be tormented because he couldn’t be with him. And yet, he knew he could never leave his wife…

His love for him was like some kind of addiction. Obsessive, heavenly, indestructible. It was so strong that it somewhat scared him.

Of course, he loved his wife, still loved her despite what had happened. But the way he loved Tom was different. It was unlike anything he had experienced before in the matter of love. He couldn’t actually explain with words what it was like; it was too complicated for him. But never would he dare admit to himself that he actually loved Tom more than his wife. Never. 

That mere thought made him so ashamed of himself, once again… 

He kept repeating to himself over and over again that he wasn’t into men, that he wasn’t a homosexual, that he loved his wife. 

The thing was he had never been attracted to any other man in his life and still wasn’t, so technically he couldn’t be really defined as a homosexual… But then what was he? Bisexual? No, this would mean he would be attracted to both men and women, which wasn’t the case. He was attracted to women, and Tom only. (So that makes him a… Blakesexual, lol). 

This didn’t change the fact that Tom was a man though…

What would his family think of him if they were to find out about his forbidden and gross affair? 

His wife was the most caring and sweetest woman he had ever met. She truly didn’t deserve to be cheated on and humiliated. 

Yet, would she still be just as sweet if she were to learn about his unfaithfulness? 

Even the kindest and calmest people could reveal a side to them you’d never thought they had…

His biggest fear was being rejected and his daughters being taken away from him. He knew he couldn’t stand being separated from them for the rest of his life. His daughters were the true two sunshines of his life. He didn’t want them to think of their father as a depraved and indecent individual who hurt their mother. 

Then, there was Tom’s family. They probably wouldn’t tolerate him having an affair with an older and married man. And the thought of Tom being rejected by his own family because of him made his heart clench painfully in his chest. He would never want him to cut ties with his family. 

And yet, the thought of Tom loving someone else and having his own children made his heart swell and stomach go sore with a feeling he had already experienced once. An unfamiliar feeling though (which was actually jealousy but he denied it to be so). 

All of this was way too confusing for him. He wished he could have stopped thinking, but realised it was just impossible for him. His thoughts were so painfully overwhelming that he thought his head might have exploded, an all too familiar feeling…

Despite his best efforts to try to forget the man that haunted his dreams and made the days seem like they were months when he was far away from him, he had tried to mend the bond Tom had wanted them to break and written to the younger lad once, but to no avail. Tom never wrote back to him. And he had suffered from it a lot, more than he would admit. 

He had been such a fool, still was. He hadn’t wanted them to part ways the way they did that last time they saw each other…

Deep down, he had never agreed to break that bond.

He would curse himself multiple times a day for being so conflicted and torn between the younger man and his family.

*

One evening, after eating dinner, he went into the room he used as an office and sat himself at his wooden desk. He usually came here whenever he didn’t want to be disturbed. 

He stared at his desk blankly for a while before he opened one of the numerous drawers it possessed. He got out his blue tin box from it, the one where he had kept the photos of his wife and daughters during the war, and opened it swiftly. He took the first photo that was visible to the eye. 

It was a photo of Tom with Myrtle’s puppies, sent by Tom himself. More exactly, it represented Tom lying on the grass near the cherry trees his family owned at home and a pack of puppies literally stomping all over his body, making him unable to shoo them away and leaving him helpless, at the mercy of these little rascals. 

Will grinned as he was staring at it and his blue eyes lit up. He could all too well imagine the scene in his mind. He still couldn’t believe Tom had named one of the puppies after him though. 

He turned it around so he could have a look at the back of it. There was written in a rather sloppy handwriting: _Love from Myrtle and her pups x_

A sort of melancholy and nostalgia formed in his eyes, a nostalgia for all the happy moments he had had with Tom. He closed them momentarily and let out a deep sigh. 

Why did life have to be so cruel? 

Suddenly, there was a knock on the door. 

It could only be his wife, Elizabeth. 

“Come in,” he said loud enough so she could hear him.

As she opened the door, he put the photo back in the box and put the box away in the drawer which he closed before he stood up from his chair and turned around so he could see her leaning against the now closed door. 

“Will… There’s something I need to tell you,” she said solemnly and somewhat hesitantly as if she were afraid of his reaction. 

Will stared at her with curious eyes before he decided to get close to her. 

“What is it?” He asked her. 

She waited for a few seconds before she finally decided to speak. 

“I’m pregnant,” she admitted. 

Will’s eyes widened in shock and astonishment. Obviously, he hadn’t seen that one coming…

He stared into his wife’s eyes dumbly, apprehension and surprise showing through them. This was all too unexpected a piece of news; yet he knew he had to react. 

“For how long?”

“It’s been a month,” she replied as she rubbed her belly softly through her clothes. 

Will glanced at it before he stared back into her hazel eyes. 

He forced a smile and kissed her forehead delicately before simply saying: “thank you.”

Elizabeth smiled at her husband softly. 

“No, thank _you_ , Will. I couldn’t have found a better father for my children.”

More guiltiness surged into the pit of his stomach.

“How would you like to name him?” She asked him after a few moments of silence, snapping Will out of his trance. 

“‘Him?’ How can you be sure it will be a boy this time?” He asked her back somewhat puzzled.

“Because I’m his mother”, Elizabeth replied assuredly. “I can feel it,” she added as she rubbed her belly once again. 

A boy…

“Hmm…I don’t know… You can choose all by yourself. I know whatever name you’ll choose will be nice.”

Elizabeth smiled again at him. 

“We still have a lot of time to think it through anyway,” she said gently. 

Will nodded quietly. 

“Lizzy…” he said as he took her hands in his. 

“Yes?” She replied with her smooth velvet voice. 

“Do you mind if I go out tonight? I need…I need to have a walk… I know this isn’t really the right time now…”

“It’s okay. You’re free to do what you want, you know. I don’t mind if you go out now. If it makes you feel better, just do it then,” she said with a reassuring smile. 

How could he have found such an understanding woman? He really wondered. 

“Thank you,” he said gently before he let go of her hands and kissed her forehead once again. 

“I won’t get back home too late,” he assured her and his wife simply nodded.

He then left the room and Elizabeth followed behind him. He went upstairs straight into his daughters’ room where he found them playing together. 

He observed them silently as he was standing in the door frame, a soft smile soon gracing his lips. 

“Girls,” he called them to get their attention after a while, “It’s time to go to bed now.”

“No…” the youngest one, Margaret, pouted. “Can’t we play for a bit longer?” She asked her father, almost begging him. 

“You’ll be able to play again tomorrow. Now it’s getting late. Come on girls.”

The two girls complied and quickly got changed into their night clothing before climbing into bed. They shared the same bed and room because Margaret was afraid to sleep all alone in her room. She was mostly afraid of the dark, but she also had a very close bond with her elder sister, so both parents had agreed to let them share a room and a bed; this of course, would last until they were old enough to have at least separate beds. 

This way, they would be able to use the vacant room for their future unborn child. 

Once they were lying in bed, Will approached it, and gave them both a good night kiss. 

“Daddy, can you please read us a story?” Margaret asked him.

This girl was the very definition of innocence and cuteness. 

“I will let your mum do it for tonight.”

“No! I want you to read us one, please…”

Will couldn’t possibly say no to her. 

“Alright,” he said as he smiled at both of them softly. 

He then stood up and made his way to the bookshelves they shared and looked for a book whose story they hadn’t heard in a long time. After scanning all of the books present, he finally decided to pick _Alice in Wonderland_. Once he had taken the book, he went back toward the bed and sat on the edge of it, next to Dorothy, his eldest daughter. He started reading the beginning of the story without wasting any time, Margaret’s eyes sparkling with excitement and happiness. 

Dorothy was rather quiet, wise and very mature for a girl her age. And she loved her younger sister unconditionally, and was very protective of her. Even though their age difference was very slight. She was only one year and a half older than Margaret, seven year old now. Physically speaking she took more after her father while Margaret took more after her mother. 

Margaret fell asleep pretty soon, the soothing and soft voice of her father lulling her to sleep. Will hadn’t even started reading the fourth chapter when he realised she was sleeping soundly, nestled against her elder sister. 

Will couldn’t help smiling fondly at her as he closed the book and put it down on the bedside table. 

“I will wait until tomorrow to read more,” he said to his elder daughter who was still awake by now. 

She just nodded quietly as he leant in to give her another good night kiss. He then stretched himself to give one to Margaret.

“Good night, sweethearts,” he whispered lovingly as he was still sitting on their bed. 

“Dad?” Dorothy said quietly before he could stand up, turn the light off, and leave their room. 

“Yes, Dory?” 

The girl stared straight into her father’s eyes before she asked her question.

“Are you happy with us?” She asked him plainly and earnestly. 

Will was clearly surprised by her question as he knitted his brows in confusion. 

“Of course I am,” he hurried himself to say. “Why would you say that?”

“You look like you’re often sad, and lost in thought.”

Her statement made Will’s eyes widen in slight shock. 

He should have been more careful….

“I may be, but that doesn’t mean I’m not happy with you,” he said softly, hoping he would manage to reassure Dorothy. 

How could he explain to a seven year old girl what he had gone through during the war? Even if she was very mature for her age. 

And he could certainly not tell her about his relationship with Tom…

Anyway, Dorothy didn’t seem to be that convinced by his answer. 

“Do you still love Mum?”

“Of course I do.”

He hoped he would sound convincing enough this time.

“You’ll never leave us again, right?” 

The way she said it, looking so vulnerable, made his heart break.

“Of course not, I’ll never leave you. I love you with the bottom of my heart, you and your sister; never forget that. I couldn’t live without you two,” her father assured her. 

Hadn’t it been for them, he may have had the guts to leave his wife.

“But you could live without Mum, couldn’t you?”

Oh, dear…

Damn Dorothy and her sharp insight… Not that he could be mad at his daughter. He could only blame himself for making such answers. 

“No, that’s not what I said.”

“But that’s what your statement implied,” she retorted calmly and earnestly, managing to keep her composure and not letting any emotion show on her face.

“No, I…”

He couldn’t show any sign of vulnerability right now, otherwise she would end up figuring out the truth, and this would be really bad for him…

“I just meant that you’re the two most precious treasures to me. And I couldn’t stand losing you.”

He wasn’t making things any better…. What an idiot he was…

“Well, it’s time to sleep now. It’s getting really late. Good night, Dory,” he said before turning the lights off and making his way to the door. 

“I know there’s someone else,” Dorothy said without any discernible emotion in her voice as he was about to leave the room.

He froze in the doorframe, wishing he was just having a real bad nightmare. 

His mouth went dry and he started shivering in fear, beads of sweat forming on his temples. 

What was he supposed to do now? 

He ended up realising he just couldn’t lie to her… She was way too intelligent to be lied to. 

He quickly rushed to her side and kneeled down against the bed, taking her tiny hands in his huge ones. 

“Please, don’t tell anyone about it,” he practically begged her, worry evident in his tone. “It’ll be a secret between you and I from now on, okay? Can I count on you, love?”

Dorothy stared at him in silence for a few seconds with an unreadable look in her bright blue eyes that were darkened by the dimness of the room. 

“Only if you promise you’ll never leave us,” she said, her voice calm and earnest. 

“I promise,” he whispered softly, squeezing his daughter’s hands in the same way. 

He then glanced at Margaret who was still sleeping soundly. 

“I’m sorry…” he apologised as he looked away, guilt flooding over him. “I know your mum doesn’t deserve that…”

A beat.

“I still love you, Daddy.”

“You do?” The man replied in disbelief as he looked back at her, sheer shock now replacing the guilt. 

Dorothy nodded slowly and quietly. 

How could she? 

The way he was still thinking about Tom and what he had done… It was sinful and all so wrong… How could she still love him? She should be angry with him…Hate him, despise him for doing that to her mother.

“Why…” He whispered in such a weak voice that it was hardly audible. But his daughter still managed to hear it. 

“Because you are my dad. And no matter what you do, I’ll still love you. Besides, this stuff is between you and Mum. It’s none of my business,” Dorothy replied as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. 

She looked so innocent, and yet was so mature for her young age. It was something that really amazed Will. It made him so proud of her.

He was almost on the verge of tears now. He leaned down with the intent of hugging his daughter. 

“I love you so, so much you and Maggie,” he whispered almost desperately. 

“We love you too, Daddy.”

He placed a chaste and soft kiss on her forehead before sitting up.

“It’s really time for you to sleep now, Dory,” he said as he tucked her in carefully. 

The girl nodded slowly. 

“Good night,” he said one last time before he exited the girls’ room for good, closing the door behind him. 

He looked on his right and then on his left. There was no sign of his wife anywhere. So he went downstairs to find her in their sitting room. 

Did she know too? 

He couldn’t help being afraid now…

He slowly approached her from behind with silent footsteps. 

“Lizzy…” he said in a low and hesitant voice. 

He had to tell her the truth now. She didn’t deserve to be lied to any longer. 

She turned her head to look at him, not moving from her spot on their sofa as she was holding a book in her hands, waiting for him to proceed. 

He owned her the truth. 

“….I’ll be going now.”

She simply hummed in response. 

He just couldn’t tell her. The words wouldn’t come out of his mouth. 

He was just a coward…

“See you later,” she said softly, making him snap back to reality. 

He stared at her blankly, his mouth dry, and throat heavy with a lump in it. 

“Yes…”

He didn’t even dare kiss her anymore now, and simply made his way toward the front door before exiting the house. He was welcomed outside by a gentle breeze. 

As he walked through the neighbourhood, he couldn’t help but reminisce his daughter’s words. 

_Because you are my dad. And no matter what you do, I’ll still love you._

Had she really meant those words? 

Well, she couldn’t have lied to him. They were too plain, too sincere to be false. 

So, had he been a criminal, would she have still loved him as much? 

He was reluctant to believe such a thing. 

And if her mother had cheated on him, would she have reacted the exact same way? 

Probably. 

The question now was: how would he take it if she did?

Well, that would only be fair. 

But she would never do that. He was sure of it. She wasn’t that kind of woman. 

Yet, he’d never thought he would be that kind of man himself…

Suddenly, his wife’s words echoed through his mind. 

_I couldn’t have found a better father for my children._

He may have been a good father, but that didn’t prevent him from being an awful husband. 

His mind then focused on the unborn baby boy. He couldn’t grow up with such a father… He bet he wouldn’t love him as much as his daughters, especially if he learnt the truth about him. 

But maybe that was the sign that it was time for a new start, for him to become clean again, an opportunity to give him a second chance, to make amends. 

His daughters would most likely be delighted to become big sisters. 

He should have been happy about his becoming a father again, but he just couldn’t rejoice. He went to the local pub and had a few pints there, all on his own. When he got back home, he was a bit tipsy, but as he had promised it wasn’t too late. 

But instead of going directly to bed to lie next to his wife, he went back to his small office. He sat down at his desk near the window, which was lit by a single oil lamp.

He took his blue tin box out of the drawer once again, opened it, and took the photograph where Tom was with the pups. 

It seemed that drinking booze made him even more melancholic than when he was sober because that time he didn’t smile at the photograph, but stared at it with sad and longing eyes. Tears quickly started forming in them. He ran his thumb along the photograph smoothly, his eyes getting all watery. 

He really had Tom under his skin… He would never be able to stop thinking about him. He let out a long and shaky sigh. 

He really needed to see Tom again. Even if they couldn’t be together like Tom would want them to. Just see him, hear him, and even if he couldn’t touch him, that would be better than not seeing him at all… At least that’s what he was thinking…

He suddenly remembered what Tom’s mother had told him when he had first met her back at the hospital in London. 

_Once Tom can go back home, you’ll have to come and visit us at home._

_I’d really like to get to know you better._

_My youngest son is really lucky to have a friend like you._

_I really hope I’ll see you again soon, Will._

He could remember all of it all too well. Her words had been etched into the back of his mind, burning under his skin like some kind of dangerous fire. 

Will kept staring at the photo as if it were the most precious good he owned, the sentences echoing through his head. 

If he just paid a friendly visit to them, it wouldn’t get him killed. Besides, he was really curious about the puppies. He wanted to see them for real, especially the one Tom had named after him. 

If he did, Tom’s mother would be happy, and his torture would stop momentarily. 

So he decided to write to Tom’s mother directly the following day, and asked her not to let her son know in any way about his oncoming visit, which she complied to. 

His wife didn’t oppose to that short trip away from home. She didn’t ask him to come with him or even to take their daughters there. It was only the matter of a few days, nothing more. She even thought it may help him forget a bit about the trauma of the war, at least temporarily. 

Two weeks later, on a Friday afternoon, he was waiting at the local train station, that of the Blake family hometown. 

Since he didn’t know where Tom was living precisely, he was met there by his elder brother Joe who had just finished work.

“Will!” Joseph exclaimed with a big smile plastered on his face as he approached the man to shake hands with him. “It’s nice to see you again after all this time.”

Will just smiled back at him, a rather small, amost shy, but genuine smile. 

“Especially in these circumstances,” Joseph then added, still smiling.

The first time that they had met hadn’t exactly been in the best of contexts indeed…

“Come, this way. My mother can’t wait to see you again,” Joseph told him as he gestured for him the right direction to go in. 

The way back home wasn’t that long. It took them only twenty minutes or so to get there.

“Mum, I’m home!” Joseph called as he opened the front door. 

Will was suddenly feeling all nervous, somehow fearing Tom’s reaction when he saw him there in his own house. 

Instead of his mother showing up in the hallway, Tom burst into view, probably really excited to see his brother again. Yet, as he was about to approach his brother to welcome him back home, he stopped mid way and froze in his spot, his eyes locking with Will’s.

“Sco…?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! 
> 
> So as you can see this is not the end of the story yet! And I still hope you enjoyed this chapter. I'll just write a few more chapters before ending it (in a good way), but before a making happy ending there'll be some more angst. I thought 15 could be a good number, so I think I'll try to settle for that. 
> 
> I really wanted to focus on Sco and his family at least once, because I can perfectly picture him as an amazing father ❤️️  
> I could really picture his eldest daughter being like him and smart and sharp as hell as well, and the little one sweet as candy <3
> 
> Also, his wife being pregnant is all the for the sake of the plot.  
> Honestly, I can imagine him having a son who would take part into ww2, just like he himself took part in ww1. 
> 
> Well, actually at first, I had a weird dream one night about Tom having a girlfriend back home whom he would have married after the war, and who was actually pregnant with his child, but he died before she could let him know about him becoming a father... Then Sco would go and see his girlfriend to tell her directly about his death, but couldn't as he realised she was a few months pregnant... And then around twenty years later his son would enlist to go to war, and looked like the spitting image of his father, especially in his mother's eyes...
> 
> This is one of the very few rational dreams I can still remember today. 
> 
> Anyway, I'll try to update the next chapter asap. 
> 
> I still don't know how I could name Will's son though. 
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	12. Can't Live Without You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sco spends the weekend with the Blake family, and... I guess I just don't want to spoil anything.

Will swore he could feel his heart stop beating at that precise moment and that it could be ready to jump out of his chest at any time.

Seeing Tom seemed to be almost surreal. Yet, there he was, only a few inches separating them, and looking as astounded as he was to see him. He still looked as youthful and…Gorgeous. 

He wished he could hug him at least, feel his warmth and intoxicating scent, but he just couldn’t move. He was paralysed, his heart beating so loud and so fast. He was like a teenager in love. 

“I must be dreaming…” Tom muttered more to himself than meant for the other men to hear. 

“Oh, William! I’m so glad you’re finally here!” Mrs Blake chirped from behind her youngest son. 

She swiftly made her way toward Will and gave him a quick hug before hugging Joseph and welcoming him back home. 

“You know, at some point I thought you would never going to come to visit us,” she said to Will in a stern fake tone as she put her hands on her hips. 

“Oh…No…Erm…” Will stuttered somewhat embarrassed. “I… guess I just waited for the right time to come…” he then added somewhat shyly. 

A big smile appeared on the mother’s face. 

“I hope you will enjoy your stay here.”

Tom watched the scene with dumbfounded eyes as he shook his head slightly and slowly in complete disbelief. 

“What the…” he trailed off. 

“Come, come, please. Don’t stay here in the hall,” he heard his mother say to Will. 

She motioned for him the direction of the living room and the three of them made their way there, Tom watching them as he didn’t seem to be able to move. 

As soon as Will set one foot in the living room, the pack of nine puppies ran in their direction, ready to greet him as warmly and enthusiastically as they were used to doing every time someone new came into the house. 

A huge smile made its way on Will’s lips as he could finally see them for real for the first time. 

“Boys, girls, please, don’t bother William,” Mama Blake said firmly. 

“No, it’s okay, they won’t bother me,” Will assured her as he was still smiling. “They’re all so adorable,” he then said as he bent down so he could be more at their level. 

They were all growing up fast, faster than you’d think. They were not any longer the tiny pups that they were on the photo Will had. 

“Yes, they are,” Samantha agreed with a proud smile. “But they are restless,” she added. “Even their own mother needs some time away from them, not that she doesn’t love them."

Will took a closer look at each of them as the pups were bouncing like grasshoppers around him, wondering which one was Sco. 

“You like animals William, don’t you?” Samantha told him. 

“Yes, indeed. Especially dogs,” he admitted. 

“Do you own one?” The Blakes’ mother asked him curiously. 

“No…”

“Why not?”

Good question. He was now feeling ill-at-ease about the thought of knowing he had to answer it though. 

He wished he could have had one (and his daughters too for that matter), but his wife was allergic to dog hair.

“I’m…waiting for the right time, I guess…” he lied, hoping the way he had tensed would go unnoticed by the mother and her eldest son. 

“Well, you shouldn’t wait for too long, dear. Dogs make a household much livelier. What about these? Wouldn’t you like to have some of them?”

Will was surprised by her question. 

“I’d really love to, but I can’t for now… Besides, I’m sure they are much happier than they would ever be where I live,” he replied politely.

“Oh, don’t say such things, William. I’m sure they’d be really happy with you and your family.”

Will’s heart skipped a beat at the mention of the word ‘family’ and he was even more tense now. 

“Your house is much lovelier than mine…”

“You have only seen the outside and the hall. You haven’t even taken a proper look at the living room yet,” Samantha pointed out. 

“Oh, yes, that's right…"

“Please, come and have a seat,” Samantha told him as she gestured for him to go to the sofa they owned. 

Will agreed and made his way there, the puppies following close behind him.   
  
As for Tom he still hadn’t moved from his spot in the hall by now. He had just turned around so he could see Will’s back and the puppies. 

“Tommy, don’t stay standing there rooted to your spot,” his mother called from the living room, only noticing he hadn’t moved. “Come and join us instead.”

Tom held back a sigh. He knew he had no other choice than to pretend to be still friends with Will if he didn’t want to raise suspicion amongst his family. Even though he hated the thought of it. 

“‘M coming Mum,” he said loud enough so she could hear him, but without shouting it, before he took a deep breath and then made his way toward them. 

He mentally cursed when he had to sit next to the older man. Will didn’t even look at him, but neither Joe or Mama Blake seemed to notice the silent tension between the two young men. Or maybe they just chose to ignore it if they did notice. 

The conversation consisted mainly of Samantha asking Will questions about how his life had been since the end of the war, his job, his childhood and family, his parents or if he had any siblings. But strangely, (and to Will’s great relief), she avoided the subject of marriage and children. 

Had Tom told her that he was already married and had two kids? 

This was somehow piquing his curiosity.

But did it really matter in the end? 

He would steal glances at Tom every now and then, making sure no one would notice. He would look at his eyes, but once he accidentally glanced down at his lips, his cheeks becoming flushed as he quickly looked away. 

Tom hated this impression of being invisible. Yet, this time it was the best thing that could happen to him. If there was one person chattier than him, it truly was his mother. Leave it to her to become the centre of attention.

A while later it was time for supper, and so Mama Blake stopped with her questioning. William helped her lay the table and once everything was ready they started to eat. 

And halfway through the dinner, there came the terrible question that Will dreaded for some reason.

“What about you, William? Do you have a girlfriend? Or are you engaged?” Samantha asked him.

She had just talked about how proud she was that her eldest son was going to get married in a few months. 

He wished he could have been swallowed by the earth and disappeared right now. There had been much, too much attention on him that afternoon and evening. He just didn’t want to talk about his wife and daughters in Tom’s presence. Even if the younger lad already knew about that, and his telling his mother about it wouldn’t change anything about that. Yet, he couldn’t lie to Tom’s mother. Or ignore her question. If he tried to hide something from her, she might find that suspicious. Or rude. 

“I’m… Married.”

“Are you?” Samantha said, seemingly surprised by his answer. “But where’s your wedding ring then?” 

A beat. 

It had been (and still was) a reflex to remove it whenever he was in Tom’s presence. 

“……”

He truly didn’t know what to answer this time, and was afraid of getting himself into trouble. He just couldn’t come up with some kind of lame excuse. He knew for sure that it would never be credible. 

“Is your couple going through hard times?” Samantha suddenly asked him, looking worried, snapping him out of his thoughts. 

“….No…Not really…It’s just that…” he stumbled over his words, praying for this to stop soon. 

“Oh dear, I’m sorry,” Samantha said as she gave him a sympathetic look. “I understand if you don’t want to talk about it.”

Will just nodded quietly before murmuring a quick ‘thank you’.

Dinner was mostly silent after that, and once they had finished eating, Will helped Samantha clear the table, but she insisted that he shouldn’t help her with cleaning the dishes, so he didn’t insist. 

Instead, his eye was caught by Myrtle who was laying on the floor in one corner of the kitchen.

He approached her with slow steps and kneeled down next to her. 

“Hello you. I think we haven’t been introduced yet,” he told her softly with a smile that matched his tone. 

The female dog looked at him with somewhat tired and curious eyes. 

“You must be Myrtle. I’m Will."

She let out some low, long sound as if to greet him back, making Will’s smile widen a bit. 

“You’ll never find a dog as sweet and loyal as her,” Samantha assured him with a smile as she was still doing the dishes. 

Will kept smiling as he glanced at her. He then started stroking Myrtle’s back slowly and gently. And it seemed that she liked that because she let out a contented sound and closed her eyes.

“You’ll see, you’ll love her,” Samantha then added.

Will glanced at her once again before looking back at Myrtle as he kept stroking her. 

“I think I already do.”

Samantha grinned as she was observing them from the corner of her eye. 

A few minutes passed before she spoke up again. 

“Would you like some tea?” She offered. 

“I’d love to.”

Once she was done with the dishes and preparing the tea, they both joined the two brothers who had been discussing on the sofa. 

They talked about everything and nothing, but mostly about all the preparations for Joseph’s wedding. 

“Please, I would be so glad if you could come,” Samantha told Will. 

“….”

Would it be a good idea? 

He was already starting to regret his decision about coming here… Here he could have no privacy to talk properly things out with Tom, or to do anything else…

But he had been so desperate to see him again. Yet, being ignored the way Tom had been ignoring him was more than hurtful…

“And maybe if things get better with your wife, she could come with you too. We’d be more than happy to meet her. I’m sure she must be a lovely woman.”

Will froze, even started shaking out of fear and uneasiness. 

“Yeah…She definitely is…”

“Oh I’m really sorry. I’m such a blunderer,” she suddenly apologised as she put one hand over her mouth. “But I just can’t help it.”

“It’s alright,” he said with a low and weak voice. 

He didn’t dare imagine how Tom must have been feeling at that precise moment… It made both his heart and stomach ache. 

He took his cup of tea hastily in his hand and brought it to his lips in the same way before downing it under Samantha’s silent gaze. 

“Would you like some more?” She offered, cautious with her words now. 

“No, thank you. It was really good, but one cup is enough,” he replied politely. 

“I guess you must be a bit tired for the trip you had to get here,” she then said after nodding. “We have no guests’ room for you but Joseph kindly offered to lend you his old room for your stay.”

“No, please, don’t. Don’t bother because of me. You are still in your house.”

“It’s okay. It’s just for two nights. I really don’t mind,” Joe assured him. 

“Please, accept,” The Blakes’ mother insisted. 

Well, he couldn’t really refuse their hospitality. 

“Alright.”

“If you will, I’m going to show you your room,” Joseph proposed.

“Sure.”

They both stood up swiftly from the sofa and went upstairs. There were two rooms next to each other, and Joseph opened the door of the one on the left side, so Will figured out the other one was Tom’s bedroom. 

The room was plain, neither too small nor too big, and Will couldn’t help but think how content he would be with it. 

“If you need anything, just come and ask me.”

“Thank you, but I think I’ll be all right.”

Joseph nodded before he said: “Well, make yourself at home,” and then left the room after saying that. 

Will murmured a small ‘thanks’ before he was out of earshot and just remained standing where he was, staring blankly at the floor below him. 

He didn’t dare go and see Tom. However, he didn’t need to because a few minutes later Tom appeared into the room in a flash, and closed the door none too gently, making Will start slightly. 

Now, he didn’t dare to turn around to face him. He had a bad feeling about what was about to happen. 

“What the hell, Sco?” He asked with a stern voice. 

He didn’t even have the strength to open his mouth to reply.

He just didn’t want to get into an argument with the man he had feelings for. 

“We had agreed to never see each other again.”

“I’ve never agreed with that,” Will retorted firmly. “ _You_ decreed that it would be best if we broke our bond.”

“Because it is! But you’re ruining everything. You should have never come here.”

Will had turned around to face Tom by now. 

A beat. 

“But I just can’t leave like that now.”

“Of course, you can’t!”

They both remained silent afterward as they were standing at a respectable distance from each other. Not too far, but not too close either. 

“I just needed to see you,” Will said earnestly after a while, sounding a bit stern even though he didn’t mean to be. 

As Tom was about to retort something, he cut him off sharply. 

“Don’t. Just stop. You…You just don’t understand…What you do to me.” 

The more he spoke, the more he was getting frustrated. 

Tom kept his mouth shut, seemingly shocked by Will’s sudden demeanour to dare disobey. 

“I…I just can’t live without you. No matter how hard I try. You’re always there with me, you’re there without being really there, and that’s even worse.”

His remark almost sounded like a reproach. 

A beat.

Another beat.

And again another one. 

“What does your wife think about that?” 

Tom meant for it to be a question, but the tone he used make it sound like an affirmative sentence.

“…I’m not sure whether she suspects something or if she just thinks I’m totally fucked up because of the war,” the older man admitted, looking down as he said it. 

Silence. 

“By the way, why aren’t you wearing your wedding ring? The war is over now. Is it because of me?” Tom asked him, breaking it. 

A beat. 

“Why do you care?”

“Why do you not?” 

Déjà vu. 

Another beat. 

“Let me guess, you’re gonna tell me it’s just a bit of gold, and that it doesn’t make a difference to anyone whether you wear it or not.” (Well, since he had broken his vows, it’s not like he deserved to wear it anymore)

Will didn’t really like it when Tom was acting that way. 

He loved the cheerful, smiley Tom that would tell him jokes to make him laugh, show him how much he loved him with his clingy behaviour, the one that would make him believe everything was fine during the war even though it was not at all, even if he could be childish sometimes, that’s the Tom he wanted to have in front of him right now. 

He couldn’t take it any longer. It was above his will power to resist. 

He swiftly approached Tom, closing the gap between them.

“What you’re doing?” Tom asked him, puzzled as to the other’s intentions. 

“It doesn’t matter if I do it one more time or one less. Now that the sin has been committed, it’s too late…” he murmured under his breath actually more to himself than to Tom. 

And before Tom could react, he pinned him to the door with a firm and strong grip on his wrists and connected their lips together. He just couldn’t get enough of Tom’s lips.

Those plushy lips that were so intoxicating and that he could kiss for hours on end. 

Tom tried to squirm out of his grip, but realised he couldn’t. He moaned into the kiss, but it was a moan to tell him to stop. 

The kiss was short, yet it held so many emotions in it. Everything Will couldn’t say with words. 

He thought that, at least, Tom would kiss him back, but to his great surprise (and disappointment), he didn’t for once.

“Sco…”

He didn’t know what Tom was going to say, but his ears just didn’t want to hear it. Tom still said it anyway.

“I’m engaged.”

Those three words fell on him like a bucket filled with iced water. 

He froze.

He remained inert as if he were dead. This lasted for a while until he finally loosened his grip on Tom’s wrists and let go of him, slowly, taking a step backwards, and staring at him with wide open and dumfounded eyes. 

Both remained silent for a long while, not moving from their spots, and Tom avoiding Will’s gaze. 

“Your…Your mother didn’t mention it,” Will had finally the guts to point out, quietly and carefully.

“That’s because she doesn’t know about it yet. She’s too busy gushing over Joe’s own marriage.”

Of course. 

Will couldn’t help wondering what she was like, physically speaking and in terms of personality. But for some reason, he didn’t dare ask him for details about her. 

He just didn’t know what to do anymore (nothing new there). He was totally distraught, and hurt too. 

He tried to swallow the lump that was in his throat, but to no avail.

“I think you were right about what you said, you know, about how a first love never lasts.”

His voice was emotionless, flat, brutal with honesty. And it made something break in Will, even though he couldn’t realise it right away. 

“Because I was your first…” Will trailed off, hardly above a whisper. 

A beat. 

“Yeah.”

He had just said those words to convince himself that Tom’s love could never be so strong and deep as to love him forever, to try to quench his fears in a way. And now that he was realising he had lost him, he was somehow feeling betrayed. 

He nodded slowly and mechanically as if trying to digest the piece of news, his lips pressed into a thin line. 

“So, all those words…you never meant them.”

“What words?”

“Your beautiful and moving little speech before you left me. That you’d marry me if you could and how you wished you could spend the rest of your life with me. You’ve never meant any of it,” Will snapped back. 

Silence. 

Tom seemingly didn’t know what to reply to that. 

His words had been playing in Will’s mind every so often ever since that day, Will just couldn’t erase them from his memory. He had even considered them seriously. 

He inhaled sharply in an attempt to calm his nerves. 

“Just leave,” he eventually told Tom, tone low and almost threatening. 

He was clearly fed up because of that situation.

Once again, Tom was about to retort something, but he interjected sharply. 

“Bugger off!!”

“….”

Will’s eyes were filled with fury and hurt. Tom remained standing there for a few seconds, seemingly too shocked to even move, before he opened the door and left the room to go to his own room. 

Will remained still, still unable to move. It wasn’t until long minutes had passed that he made his way to the bed and sat on it (none too gently), and closed his eyes before pressing his palms hard into them. 

He wasn’t actually angry with Tom. He was angry with himself, but he had transferred his anger on his lover. He was angry for him being such a moron, for being unable to make things right with anyone, for always doing things the wrong way. 

For letting Tom slip out of his grasp. 

Which was absolutely selfish because Tom deserved to be happy, he deserved the best, and if it was some woman’s doing, then so be it. She could probably make him happier than he ever could. 

A woman that would love him, and no one else, unconditionally, that wasn’t already married to someone else like he was, that wouldn’t make him suffer. 

Before he knew it, tears were starting to wet his palms. 

Tom was right after all. He really shouldn’t have come there to see him. 

**

The following day, they didn’t make that much of an effort to pretend they were still friends. That was just beyond any of them. Even though Will knew they had to pretend no matter what when they were not alone, he just seemed not to care anymore whether they would get caught or not. 

Joseph brought his girlfriend home and introduced her to Will, so fortunately this diverted the attention from them. Will was thankful that Tom didn’t come up with the idea to do the same. 

He couldn’t deny that Joe’s girlfriend was really charming though. Polite, well educated, gentle, lighthearted, pretty even. Her name was Cynthia, and Will inferred she was around the same age as him. She had light brown hair and soft brown eyes, as well as soft features. 

Will could get to know her at least a little better throughout the weekend. He learned about her background, education, family, but also that she had served as a nurse in the war, volunteering to help with the war effort. He realised that she was naturally kind-hearted and inclined to helping people. 

For some reason, it reminded him of the nurse whom he had seen when Tom had been treated back in France. He wondered if Tom’s fiancée was a nurse who had served into the war too. 

As it piqued his curiosity at such a level that he couldn’t control it, he decided to try to ask Cynthia as they were sitting down on the grass in the shade of the cherry trees of the Blakes’ garden on Sunday afternoon. The three Blakes were busy dealing with all the cherries the two brothers had picked a few days earlier, with the help of Cynthia.

“I didn’t know Tom was engaged,” Cynthia admitted. 

“He must have kept it a secret from everyone as of now. Even his mother doesn’t know. But…I thought you might have known since he’s very close to his brother and you are as well.”

“Well, I think Joe doesn’t know either; unless Tom asked him to keep it a secret, even from me.”

Will was thoughtful now. 

They both fell silent. It was a comfortable one for Cynthia, but not for Will. 

“You surely have already met his girlfriend though, even if it was unofficial,” he said after a few long seconds, breaking it. 

Cynthia seemed to be thinking about it for a little bit before she gave her reply. 

“No, actually I haven’t. To be honest with you, I didn’t even know he had a girlfriend. I thought he was still single. You’ve just informed me about something I completely ignored.”

“Oh.”

“But you know Tom and I aren’t that close to the point where we can talk about this kind of stuff. I mean, I don’t want to pry into such intimate matters.”

“Yes, of course. I understand.”

“But what about you? It seems that you know him well, don’t you?”

A beat. 

“Perhaps not as well as I thought I did…”

Cynthia stared at him with soft and understanding eyes, being far from the intent of judging him or pitying him. 

“You can still change that.”

Another beat. 

“No. It’s too late. I’ve messed up badly…”

His voice and tone were low, making him almost look like some kind of frail and vulnerable little thing as he spoke those words. 

“Listen, if there is one thing that I learned when I grew up, it’s that you can always make up for all the wrongs you did, no matter what it is.”

A beat. 

“Not me. Not what I did. And I will definitely go to Hell when I die.”

Another beat. 

“Don’t say that. You’re a good man, I can see it.”

Silence. 

“You hardly know me.”

He hadn’t meant to sound harsh, but he was still angry with himself by that time. 

“But I know Joe and his mother well enough. They wouldn’t welcome you into their house if they thought you were a bad man.”

“If they knew what I did, they’d kick me out right away, if not worse,” he retorted. 

A long moment of silence fell upon the two of them. 

“If I can do anything to help you, please ask me.”

A beat. 

“It’s really nice of you, but I don’t think you can help me.”

“I can still try.”

Will glanced at her before he looked down at his lap. 

There was another long moment of silence. 

“I have a wife and two daughters. But I cheated on her, and not just only once.”

Cynthia remained silent even after he had finished to speak, waiting patiently for him to proceed, still with the same look in her eyes as earlier.

“And I didn’t cheat on her with just any other woman.”

A beat.

He was growing more and more desperate as he kept speaking. 

“I cheated on her with a man, and not just any man. The man that was supposed to be a comrade in the first place, my friend, the man I considered like a little brother.”

She remained silent again. 

“When I first met my wife, I’d really thought she was the one for me, that I would love no one else.”

A beat. 

“But then after the battle of the Somme, Tom arrived, all young and new as a soldier. He had no idea about the true horrors of the war. He was still innocent, optimistic, pure… And he began befriending me, clinging to me despite my apparent hostility and aloofness. I had already lost so many comrades by the time he had joined our company. Avoiding to grow attached to someone is the best way to avoid getting hurt and suffering. But I eventually became friends with him, and we would spend most of our time together. And before I knew it, I started getting feelings for him, sinful feelings…”

She kept listening to him silently with a benevolent ear. 

“What I hadn’t expected is that my feelings were actually reciprocated…”

Silence.

“I was so afraid to lose him… He almost died because of me…”

A beat. 

“I just can’t help thinking about him, all the time, about…”

He shook his head, looking totally helpless. 

There was another long moment of silence afterward.

Never did he think some time ago that he would talk about that to anyone, with such honesty. But perhaps it was just easier to speak to someone you didn’t know that well. Or so it was because he was too desperate. Or perhaps he could feel that he could trust her, that she wouldn’t hate or judge him for what he had done and his sinful feelings. She was there, listening to him, patient, calm, with that gentle look in her eyes, as if she were a confessor who would absolve him of all his sins after he was done with his confession. 

“You still love your wife, don’t you?”

“Yes, but…..I love Tom too. But…I’ve lost him…”

A beat. 

“I…I…I didn’t want things to happen that way…”

Another one. 

“And I’m so ashamed of what I did to my wife; she didn’t deserve that. She’s a good woman.”

Silence. 

“You should try to talk to her. Honesty is the best of virtues.”

Will shook his head almost frantically. 

“She’ll never forgive me.”

“If she really loves you, she will.”

He shook his head again. 

“No..” He said growing panicked. “I…I just can’t.”

“I guess it must be hard to do that. Had it been me, I would have been afraid to confront Joe about it. But…You will feel better afterward.”

Will shook his head for the third time. 

“I don’t think I will… I just wish that…”

A beat. 

“You know what I think? I don’t wish to sound like a know-it-all, but if you really loved your wife as much as you thought you did, you would have never fallen for Tom.”

A sudden realisation seemed to dawn on him. 

“But I just can’t leave my wife… My daughters need me… I just can’t let them down. And if my wife knows, I’m sure she will take them away from me. If there is someone that I love more than Tom, it’s them. Besides, we will have a third child soon, in eight months. A boy, apparently.”

A beat. 

“And Tom doesn’t love me anymore anyway… I don’t want to ruin his happiness.”

Cynthia put her hand on the back of his which was pressed flat on the fresh grass to comfort him. 

“I…I thought about leaving her. I really did. But I can’t. My daughters are not even ten years old.”

He could feel he was on the verge of breaking down. He hated feeling so vulnerable and weak in front of other people.

For the umpteenth time, there was another long moment of silence. 

“You truly are a good man. Trust me, I know what I’m saying. You shouldn’t blame yourself because of what you did.”

“I guess I’m just a loving father, nothing more.”

Cynthia smiled softly at him before she removed her hand from the back of his. 

“No, you’re a good man. I mean it.” 

“You are the only one to know the truth and to think that.”

“I’m pretty sure I’m not,” she said, smiling again at him, but it was a confident smile this time. 

Will looked at her in disbelief for a few instants before a faint smile made its way on his face.

“Joseph is really lucky to have found a woman like you.”

“No, I’m lucky to have found him,” she replied, still with a smile gracing her soft features. 

This time, Will offered her a genuine smile.

He hadn’t got along with a woman he didn’t fall in love with in a long time, if ever. He felt more light-hearted with her, much more comfortable, momentarily forgetting his heart ache and inner conflict in that moment. It was as if her kind-heartedness and good nature were contagious. Just like Tom's cheerful demeanour. 

He knew he wouldn’t stop suffering and thinking of him anytime soon. 

What he didn’t know is that Tom had been eavesdropping their conversation, even though he hadn’t meant to do so in the first place. He had just come to look for them and ask them to join them with his mother and brother, but then Will had started his confession. So he had been standing there behind them, a few inches from them, listening silently to what they had talked about. 

He just decided to leave to join his brother and mother when he figured out they had just finished talking, not wishing to make his presence known. 

  
Will left a bit later in the afternoon, so he wouldn’t get back home too late. 

Samantha embraced him with a warm smile, and so did Cynthia. 

“It seems that you two really like each other. I hope you’re not trying to steal her from me,” said Joseph jokingly. 

“No, you shouldn’t worry about that. I wouldn’t dare, even if she’s really nice,” Will replied smiling and in the same way. “By the way, congratulations on your engagement and marriage,” he then added seriously this time, but was still smiling as he said that. 

The couple thanked him as the Blakes’ mother was smiling happily. 

Will then shook hands with Joe as he bid him farewell, the two men smiling at each other. 

And then there was Tom…

They exchanged a look, unreadable expressions on their faces. 

Will clearly didn’t know what to do.

He glanced at Cynthia who smiled at him, and slightly nodded encouragingly, as if to say: “don’t be afraid.”

Out of nowhere and unexpectedly, he hugged Tom tightly, like two best friends would. 

He didn’t expect Tom to hug him back; yet he did after a few seconds. He embraced him tightly. But they both pulled away after a few more seconds. 

“Congratulations on your engagement,” Will said to the younger Blake, serious and solemn before scanning all the others’ faces and giving them a last nod as a goodbye. 

Then he left to go the the train station. He knew the way now and didn’t need to be accompanied to get there. 

But to his great surprise, as he was on his way there, on a narrow road, he heard a familiar voice call his name. He stopped in his tracks before turning around hastily, and could see Tom running after him. Will just couldn’t believe what he was seeing. 

Tom stopped once he was near him. Will didn’t say anything, nor did he move. He just waited for Tom to say something. 

Next thing he knew, Tom was kissing him, but it wasn’t a hungry or desperate kiss. No, it was a slow, gentle, and loving kiss. 

No one was around, so they didn’t need to worry. 

Will kissed him back in the same way as he slid one hand around Tom’s waist. The younger man cupped his cheek with his right hand, the familiar feeling of Tom’s rings against his skin making him smile into the kiss. 

They broke apart shortly after. 

“What was that for?” Will inquired, his tone low. 

“Have a safe trip back home,” Tom simply said, his voice soft, before he removed his hand from Will’s cheek and turned away to run back toward his home. 

Will was left there, lost, not really understanding what had just happened. But happy deep down that Tom had taken the initiative to kiss him (and to run after him). 

He wished it could have lasted a bit longer though. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everybody! So here's another chapter :) And as usual I hope you enjoyed it! 
> 
> I realised yesterday when I was right in the middle of writing it that it's been more than two months that I've been working on this fanfic. I started publishing the first chapter on February 7th; and honestly I'd never thought I would spend so much time to write a fanfic, especially one which was supposed to have only a few chapters in the first place. It's crazy how time passes by quickly. 
> 
> Anyway, take care of you and stay safe ❤️️


	13. Baby

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Months have passed again, and Elizabeth finally gives birth to her and Will's child...

_January 19th, 1920_

It was the day when Will’s and Elizabeth’s third child was born. But things didn’t go that well for the mother. The delivery was much more complicated than expected. Elizabeth lost a lot of blood and was extremely weakened when the baby finally arrived.

Will, who had been waiting in the hospital hallway with his two daughters by his side for what seemed to be endless hours, was getting more and more worried by the fact that it had been taking so long to deliver the baby boy. 

He was tapping his foot nervously on the hospital floor, glancing every ten seconds in the direction where they had taken his wife to make her give birth. 

Dorothy and Margaret had been sleeping soundly against their father’s shoulders. The reason to this was that Elizabeth had began losing her waters late in the evening on a Sunday. Hence their need to hurry to go to the hospital and to take their daughters with them. 

By that time, the sun had hardly risen. Will glanced at his daughters and smiled softly at them. They looked so peaceful, unlike him who was stressed to the point he could bite his nails and draw blood out of them. 

A nurse finally came into his direction, and he would have jumped out of his seat to stand hadn’t it been for his daughters. He just didn’t wish to wake them up, especially not that brutally. 

“What’s been happening?” He asked worriedly once she was near him. 

The nurse seemed to be looking for the right words to say as a look of worry betrayed her features. 

“Your son has been delivered, and he is all right. And your wife would like to see you.”

He looked away from her to gaze at his daughters and started shaking them awake. 

“Girls, it’s time to wake up,” he said in an utterly soft voice. “Dory, Maggie.”

After being shaken for a few more times, they eventually emerged from their slumber. 

Margaret moaned before she rubbed her eyes sleepily as her sister let out a quiet yawn. 

“What’s up, Daddy? She asked in the same way. 

“You can finally see your little brother,” he replied with a smile. “Come.”

But before both girls could stand up, the nurse spoke again. 

“When I said ‘you’, I meant only _you_ , not your daughters,” she said a bit awkwardly. 

“Oh.”

He looked at each of his daughters before taking their hands in each of his. 

“You needn’t be worried. I’ll be keeping an eye on them while you are with your wife and son,” the nurse assured him.

Will looked up at her with a slightly puzzled expression. He then looked back at his daughters. 

“Dory, Maggie, you’re going to stay here with the nurse, okay? Daddy will be back soon.”

“But why can’t we go with you to see the baby now?” Margaret inquired, looking sad and disappointed. 

Will didn’t even know the answer himself… He guessed his wife wanted to make the surprise all the more worthwhile, or something like that. 

“Please, don’t be sad, sweetie. You’ll be able to see him pretty soon,” he told her gently as he squeezed her small hand. “It won’t take that long, okay? You trust Daddy, don’t you?”

His question earned him a nod from the young girl.

“I’m sure he can’t wait to see you either,” Will then told them both with a smile.

And of course, his daughters smiled back at him, a warm and happy smile. 

“I’ll be right back,” were the last words he said before he let go of their hands and stood up.

“This way,” the nurse said before she accompanied him to the door of the room his wife and child were in. 

“Please, come in,” she then said as she opened it for him and closed it once he was inside the room. 

She then quickly went back to where the girls were to stay with them. 

Another nurse was in the room and she quickly approached him as soon as she saw him enter the room. 

“Here’s your baby boy,” she said with a gentle smile gracing her lips. 

Will stared at the newborn baby with amazed eyes. 

The young nurse then handed him the baby so he would take him in his arms. He seemed to hesitate as he remained motionless instead of taking him right away to have a better look at him.

“Don’t be afraid, he’s not going to bite you,” the nurse said light-heartedly, trying to lighten the mood. 

But it didn’t seem to work that well (to lighten the mood), but Will ended up taking him in his arms to carry him after she said that.

He was so light, almost like a feather. Will was looking even more amazed now as his mouth was slightly agape. 

The baby boy was wrapped in some white linen so he wouldn’t be cold. 

This moment was reminding him of the births of his two daughters, when he had held them in his arms as well for the very first time, and how happy he had been. 

He stared into his son’s eyes, to finally take a closer look at his face. And the baby stared back at him with his soft and curious, big blue eyes. 

Will could now feel tears welling up in his eyes. He still couldn’t believe he was holding his own son in a way. 

He looked so innocent, so peaceful, and was unstained by the horrors of the war. He prayed for him to never know and go through what he and so many other men had. (But if only he knew….)

He knew he wouldn’t be able to stand to lose his only son in another stupid and meaningless war that had nothing to do with England in the first place. 

Will eventually started crying tears of joy and grinned as his son was trying to reach his face with his weeny hand. 

“Hello, little you,” he said in an utterly soft way, “I’m your father.”

“William,” he could hear the voice of his wife suddenly calling him, which made him look up to peer in her direction. 

She was lying down in a bed as she was unable to sit up. 

Will didn’t even realise the other nurse had left the room by now as he had been too engrossed with his son. He swiftly made his way toward the bed, his wife smiling at the sight of him and their son whom he was carrying. 

“You’re so beautiful together,” she said with a tired voice. 

Her hazel eyes were weary and she looked extremely pale. 

William stared at her with concerned eyes. 

“Are you okay?” He asked her in the same way. 

“The delivery was particularly difficult. It was not like what I went through to deliver the girls at all,” she explained briefly with a feeble voice.

Will had been having a feeling that something wasn’t right, because otherwise he guessed it would have never taken so long. 

“You just need to have a good rest, and when you have, everything will be all right.”

His wife stared into his deep blue eyes with her weary hazel ones as if she were staring into his soul. 

“William,” she pronounced his name solemnly. “I won’t make it,” she admitted plainly. 

Said man just stared back at her with a dazed and puzzled look plastered on his face. 

“What do you mean you won’t make it?” 

A beat. 

“It’s too late for me now. I’ve lost too much blood. The doctor told me he couldn’t do anything about it.” 

Will just couldn’t believe what he was hearing. 

“I only have a few minutes left. And I wanted to see you one last time before it’s over for me.”

The more she spoke the more her voice was strained.

“I wish I could have seen Dory and Maggie one last time too, but I didn’t want them to see me like that…”

Will’s face became pale with horror at the sudden realisation that dawned on him. 

“No…You can’t…” he trailed off in disbelief. 

“Yes, I can. I’m not the first woman to whom this has happened, and I won’t be the last one.”

Will was on the verge of tears again, but these weren’t going to be tears of joy. He bit his lower lip to try to hold them back. 

“Please, don’t look so sad,” his wife begged him, “I don’t want your sad face to be the last thing I see and will remember of you.”

Will just couldn’t speak any longer as he was still trying to hold his tears back. 

“I’m so happy I could be your wife, Will. You made me a happy woman, and gifted me with three wonderful children.”

A beat. 

“The only thing I regret is that I won’t be able to see them grow up…”

Another beat. 

“Will, just look at me, please.”

It was too hard for the man to stare into her eyes any longer. And his wife wasn't going to force him to look at her if he couldn't. She didn't have the strength to, but more importantly she didn't want to. 

“About his name, I was thinking about James.”

Will glanced at her before he looked down at their son.

“That’s a nice name, I like it.”

“Do you?”

Will nodded.

Elizabeth smiled at him, at them. 

“I’m glad you do.”

A beat. 

“James Schofield,” she then said, still smiling, even if it was a tired smile. 

Silence. 

“Put him down please.”

Will did as he was asked and swiftly put James down on the bed next to her, being extremely careful with his movements, as if James was a porcelain doll that could break with the slightest jolt. 

“Thank you.”

She reached for her husband with one hand, and Will took the hint. He took her hand in his and squeezed it. He then sat down on the edge of the bed, next to James’ tiny feet which were hidden by the white clothe as he kept holding Elizabeth’s hand. 

“Will,” she said his name solemnly again. 

Said man didn’t even utter a ‘yes?’

“I don’t want you to be sad after my death. I want you to be happy. You will need to move on with the girls and James, without me.”

A beat. 

“I know you haven’t been the same ever since you came back from the battlefield, but you deserve happiness.”

Silence.

“I’m sure you can make someone else so happy with your love. Someone who can understand what you went through.” 

Silence again.

“Remember, I promised from the day when I married you forward for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love, cherish, and to obey, _till death us do part_ ,” she emphasised the last part.

But Will still couldn’t speak. 

“Please, say something. Tell me you will keep living after I die.That’s the only thing I ask you before I do. Dory and Maggie will need you, and so will James.”

A beat. 

“I will. For you,” he eventually managed to utter with a tearful voice. “I promise.”

His solemn statement earned him another smile from his wife. 

“Thank you, Will. Thank you for everything,” she said seemingly relieved now. “Please, tell the girls that their mother loves them very much, and that she will always be a part of them,” she added as she closed her eyes. 

“I will.”

It seemed that Elizabeth was sleeping now; but she was actually dead. 

His eyes were well watery by now, the tears blurring his vision. Hence his need to blink them away.

He couldn’t believe what had been happening. He couldn’t believe his wife was now dead. Everything went so fast.

How could things have turned out in such a horrible way? 

Everything had been fine during Dorothy’s and Margaret’s births, so why not for that of James? 

If one of them should have died, it should have been him, not her. 

He could have died more than a hundred times during the war, yet he had somehow managed to survive and to make it back home. 

That was…That was so unfair…

But that’s simply how life was; he knew it more than well by now.

Will glanced at the baby who seemed to be asleep now. 

His wife had just died because of him.

Hadn’t she given birth to him, she wouldn’t have died…

No. It wasn’t the baby’s fault.

How could he have had such a horrible thought in the first place? 

It was his own fault, for making love to her and making her become pregnant. 

No, that was another stupid thought. 

It was no one’s fault, just nature. And he just had to accept it. Even though any woman shouldn’t die for giving birth.

He let go of his late wife’s hand as he stared at her one last time. His gaze then shifted to his baby boy. Will thought he shouldn’t be staying here. 

He suddenly remembered saying to his daughters it wouldn’t take too long. But then what Captain Smith and other men had once told him echoed through his mind.

_Don’t dwell on it._

_It won’t do you any good._

_There’s no point in it._

But in that case it was his wife, his children’s mother. The woman he had loved and respected, and even admired for her strength and her capacity to remain calm even in the worst moments. 

He looked down at his hand which had held his wife’s in her last moments, the one on which he was still wearing his wedding ring despite what he had done. He stared at it intently, his wife’s words suddenly playing in his mind. 

_Till death us do part._

That meant he could have been with Tom from now onward. But Tom was taken… And he didn’t want to spend the rest of his life with anyone else other than him. 

He removed the gold band before shoving it into one of his pockets. That being done, he looked at his son again. He needed to leave the room now, but first he needed to compose himself. He couldn’t let his daughters know about their mother’s death so soon. Not on what was supposed to be a day of rejoicing and happiness. 

He wiped his tears away with the back of his hand, taking long and deep breaths, and rubbed his face with his hands. 

He left the room a few minutes later with James in his arms and joined his daughters who were still with the nurse. 

“Thank you,” he said to the middle-aged woman who nodded at him with a sad smile before she left swiftly. 

“Dory, Maggie, meet James,” Will said gently as he bent down so they could have a better look at the tiny creature. 

Both girls stared at him in wonder and Margaret’s eyes started sparkling with joy. 

“He’s so cute and so tiny!” She chirped. 

Will just couldn’t help but grin. 

“You were just as tiny when you were born, you know,” he told his youngest daughter, referring to both her and her elder sister. 

“But I can’t remember it…” she replied seemingly disappointed. 

“No one can, even I can’t remember the time when I was a baby. Only those who witnessed that time can.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. See? Now you’re old enough to remember your little brother’s birth and everything that will follow afterward.”

“Yes!”

Dorothy couldn’t help grinning as well.

Well, who wouldn’t have in such a moment? 

“Hello James,” she said gently to her new little brother. “I’m Dorothy, your elder sister, and this is Maggie, your other elder sister.”

“So he won’t remember what Dory has just told him?” Margaret asked her father, being again the very definition of innocence. 

“No, but you’ll be able to tell him about it when he’s old enough.”

“So that means you can tell us what you and Mum did and said when we were born and what happened after?”

“Yes, but wouldn’t it be better if we wait until he’s old enough to know it too?”

Margaret put on a thinking face as she tapped her chin gently. 

“I guess so,” she replied, smiling again.

Thank God he still had his daughters, because had James been his first and only child he didn't know what he would have become...

“I love his blue eyes,” Dorothy then said. 

“He looks a bit like me, doesn’t he?” her sister added. 

“Well, you share the same blood and have the same parents, so yes,” Will replied with another soft smile. 

“By the way, where is Mum? Why don’t we go to see her?” Margaret then questioned. 

“Not for now, sweetheart. Your mum is really exhausted and she needs to get a good rest. That’s why she will be staying in the hospital for a while. The delivery of your little brother was difficult and gruelling,” Will explained.

“But what did she say to you?” Margaret asked quizzically. “She said something to you, didn’t she?”

A beat. 

“She told me to remind you that she loved all of you dearly and that she can’t wait for us to be all reunited before she passed out from exhaustion,” he half lied.

“Did you tell her that we love her too and can’t wait either?” Margaret inquired.

“I didn’t need to. She already knows it.”

“Does that mean we can go home now?” Dorothy then asked him.

Another beat. 

“Yes, I guess so.”

***

Only a few months had passed since James’ birth and thus since Elizabeth’s death. It was still strange for Will to tell himself that his son’s birthday would be the same day as that of the death of his mother. 

He had mourned the death of his wife by now, but he was unable to keep living and so to keep his promise. Not when he knew the man he loved loved someone else. 

On top of that, the house felt empty without the presence of his wife. He had fallen in love with her at the age of sixteen and had been married to her for nine years, so it's not as if all the memories he had could be erased that easily. And raising three children all on his own wasn’t the easiest thing in the world, especially when one of them was an infant and when he had a job to keep. Sometimes he just wished everything could stop so the pain wouldn’t be there anymore. 

Tom must have already got married by that time… He couldn’t help thinking most of the time. 

He knew Joseph’s and Cynthia’s wedding took place last September, but he hadn’t dared to go there. No need to wonder why. 

Thinking about Tom kissing, touching, and saying _I love you_ to someone else had been driving him crazy. 

This never failed to remind him of Tom’s own words. 

_Just the mere thought of imagining you with your wife, staring at her lovingly and smiling at her softly, whispering sweet nothings into her ear, touching her, fondling her and kissing her all over her body, even her most intimate parts, fucking her and yelling her name while coming, all of this is enough to hold me back, and to make me puke._

It seemed almost ironical now that this had been happening to him.

Will had never been the kind of possessive person; but he sincerely wished he could be the only one to kiss Tom, to hold him, to make him smile, to stare at him for hours as if he was the most beautiful and amazing creature he had ever laid eyes on, to make him feel good, to……to tell him loud and clear how much he loved him, a thing he had never been able to do…

“Daddy, if you really love that person, why don’t you go and see them to tell them?” Asked Dorothy one evening as he was brooding over Tom and how he had moved on without him all alone on his sofa, a glass of whiskey in his right hand. 

Will stared into his daughter’s eyes intently for a few moments before he put his half empty glass away. 

“Because they love someone else…”

Dorothy kept staring back into his eyes silently as if pondering over a potential solution to his problem. 

“You should be sleeping now,” he pointed out. 

“I couldn’t sleep,” she admitted. 

_Neither can I…_ he wanted to reply, but deemed it to be unnecessary, so he didn’t. 

“Maggie and I hate to see you so sad. And Mum wouldn’t have liked to see you like that. Even when she was still alive, I’m sure she didn’t like it and was sad herself because she couldn’t do much to help you stop being sad.”

A beat.

“I guess that’s all I deserve after everything that happened.”

Dorothy moved and sat on the sofa next to him.

“I do not believe that you can stop loving someone so easily if you truly love them.”

Will wanted to tell her that she knew nothing about that, because she had never experienced true love and wasn’t going to experience it anytime soon, but he kept quiet. And he thought about the kiss which he had shared with Tom as he had been leaving his family house. 

The way he had kissed him, so unexpectedly, so sweetly while he had told him he was engaged prior to that day. 

Could that really mean that… he still loved him despite what he had claimed? 

Or perhaps…………………………………………...........................His decision to get engaged to someone else could be accounted for the fact that Tom was aware they could never be together like he had wished them to be….

But he couldn’t be sure about it. Hence his need to go and check out his hypothesis. 

Maybe that would be another stupid thing to do, but he needed to take his chance. He had nothing to lose anymore anyway. And if Tom rejected him, he would not come to bother him ever again.

Thus, the following day, considering he had already wasted enough time, he dropped off his three children at his mother’s so she would look after them while he would be away, and simply told her he needed to leave for some business. 

He didn’t even bother to write to Blake's mother this time to tell her about his coming since he knew where the Blakes lived precisely.

He just hoped Tom would still be there…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey!
> 
> So here's another chapter again. I'm glad because I've been able to update faster recently. But I'm somehow sad because of what I did to Will's wife... Somehow her death reminds me of Tom's even though the circumstances are different.
> 
> Does it make me an awful person if I say that I'd rather keep Tom alive and make her die?
> 
> I guess it does. 
> 
> I just want my two babies to be happy together.. Is it too much to ask for? 
> 
> With that being said I hope you're all doing well!


	14. Please, Tell Me You Love Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will meets Tom again and... I just don't want to spoil anything, you know.
> 
> So enjoy your reading!

Much to his relief, when he finally got there and knocked on the front door, Tom was the one to open the door, and was just as dumbfounded as he had been to see him standing there in front of him.

“Sco…What…” he trailed off in disbelief. “What are you doing here?” He asked as he closed the door behind him swiftly, letting Will think his mother was inside; or maybe not just her…

Will didn’t know by what he should start, but obviously saying “hello” wouldn’t be the best way to do.

He inhaled sharply before he began to speak.

“I know what you’re going to tell me, that I shouldn’t be here, and maybe even that you don’t love me anymore, remind me that everything is over between us. But…”

He took another deep breath before he proceeded. 

“I love you Tom, I love you so much it hurts to know you’re engaged to someone else, or probably even married by now. I’ve never loved anyone as much as I love you, not even my wife…Which I guess I realised too late…”

Silence. 

“I’m sorry…I’m so, so sorry, Tom…” he said looking utterly desperate. “I…I…I know I’m not very good with words and everything that’s related to feelings, but….” he trailed off, looking down at Tom’s left hand to see whether he had a wedding ring on his finger or not, but from his position he couldn’t really see…

Tom still didn’t say anything, probably too intrigued by what Will wished to say to speak.

“If you haven’t married her yet, don’t. Just don’t, please. I’m begging you. Just give me one last chance, to make up for all the pain and suffering I put you through. I…I don’t want to have to leave you ever again. I need you, I need you in my life, and that may sound selfish, but I just can’t help it. I promise you that if you accept to share my life you won’t regret it.”

Tom was left speechless by Will’s words. But Will was patient and waited for him to say or even do something despite his growing anxiety. 

“But…” the younger man finally trailed off after long minutes of silence. “What about your wife…? And your children?” He asked Will, uncertainty clear in his voice.

Will tensed at the mention of his wife. He had to tell him about her death; he couldn’t lie to him (and there would be no point in it anyway). Still, he somehow feared Tom’s reaction. 

“She’s…She’s dead.” He said plainly, voice quiet. 

Tom’s eyes widened as he was staring into Will’s blue eyes. 

“How…How come? I mean what happened?”

“She died after giving birth to our third child, James.”

Once again, Tom was speechless. 

During this too long moment of silence, Will realised he had probably made a mistake in saying that. He didn’t dare to say anything else now. 

“Where are your children?”

Will didn’t expect that question; still he answered it.

“My mother is looking after them.”

Silence. 

Will’s patience was put through the mill. The silence was killing him. He really wished he could have read Tom’s mind to know what he was thinking, because the younger man wasn’t letting any particular emotion show on his face.

“I guess I should be saying that I’m sorry, but it wouldn’t make things any better, would it?” Tom eventually said, voice grave and solemn. 

“Just tell me whether you want to be a part of my life or not,” Will replied in the same tone, though it was hard for him to hide his anxiousness. 

But nothing came out of Tom’s mouth. 

“When you kissed me that time when I left your home, what did it mean to you? Why did you do it?” He said almost sternly as frustration was growing inside him. 

Still nothing on Tom’s part. 

“Do you really love her? Does she make you happy?” 

………….

“Tom?” 

………….

“Just say something, please.”

But he didn’t. And at some point, Will couldn’t take it anymore.

“I really shouldn’t have come, I’m sorry, Tom. May you be happy with your fiancée or wife, ” he merely said before turning around to leave. 

“Wait, Will! Don’t leave!”

Said man stopped in his tracks and turned back around to stare into Tom’s blue eyes. 

Tom seemed to be embarrassed. He let out a sigh as Will was still waiting for him to say something.

“I’m not engaged, neither am I married,” the younger lad admitted.

Will knitted his brow in confusion. 

“But you said you-”

“That was a lie, okay?” Tom interjected rather sharply. 

Will blinked at him as he was trying to comprehend what the meaning of this was. 

“A…lie?” He repeated the words in disbelief. 

“Yes, a lie,” Tom confirmed, leaving Will in a state of daze. 

The only thing that came to Will’s mind was: “why?” 

Tom swallowed thickly as he seemed to become more and more uncomfortable. 

“I guess I just wanted to see how you would react.”

“You do?”

A beat.

“I just didn’t think you would buy my lie so easily, I mean, you should have known…”

“I should have known what?” Will asked a bit too harshly. 

“That I could never love anyone else, especially not a woman.”

Silence. 

“And I’ve been suffering so much because you already had a wife and children that you love and make you happy, and I didn’t want to share your love with anyone else. I wished I could have been the only one you loved. It was just killing me slowly to know I could never be your top priority, that I would always come second, that I could never be yours, that we could never spend the rest of our lives living together.”

Will didn’t say anything.

“Also, I guessed how guilty you must have felt to cheat on the woman you loved, and I didn’t want to corrupt you any longer… I’m sure she was a good woman if you loved her, but…I couldn’t help being jealous of her.”

So he had just tried to make him feel jealous by pretending to love a woman? 

“If you knew how much self control it took me not to kiss you back when you pinned me to the door…”

Will didn’t want to talk any longer from now on. He approached Tom until their lips could brush against each other and claimed his in a loving kiss. And this time, Tom didn’t need to be asked twice to kiss back.

Kissing Tom had never felt so good, but he wasn’t sure if it was because he hadn’t been able to kiss him in a long time or because of what Tom had just said, or because he was now freed from the guilt that had eaten away at him. Or maybe it was just a mix of those three things. 

However, they had to break away quickly. Well, Tom was actually the one to break the kiss (reluctantly of course). 

“Not here,” he said to Will. “Just wait a minute.”

Swiftly after saying that, he turned around, opened the door, and disappeared inside the house. He appeared again in less than one minute though. 

“Come, let’s go. I know a place where we won’t be disturbed,” he said before grabbing Will’s wrist and leading the way there. 

Will just let Tom guide him in silence, wondering where they were going.

After walking for ten minutes or so, they arrived in a meadow, and only did they stop walking when they reached the tree that was in the middle of it. 

It strangely reminded Will of the field and tree they used to share back in France, except that there was no war going on anymore. They could enjoy their time there peacefully. 

“We’re just in time to watch the sunset.”

Will looked at Tom who had just said that, looking content and satisfied, his eyes softening at the sight of the Blake he had been missing so much. 

“I’ve really missed that Tom.”

Said young man looked back at him with curious eyes and a slightly puzzled expression. 

“What Tom?” 

“The one that is here with me now. The real you. The gentle, bubbly you, even if you can be a bit clumsy and childish sometimes. That’s the Blake I fell for. And I don’t want to have him any other way.”

Tom’s features softened as well, and a smile soon crept across his lips. 

“But don’t you like the other me, the more serious, adult Blake?” He questioned as if meaning to tease Will.

“No, I don’t,” Will replied plainly. 

Tom cocked his head to the side before he made the small distance separating them disappear. 

“Well, to be honest, I don’t really like him either,” he admitted as he wrapped his arms around Will’s waist. “He almost scares me sometimes…”

Will smiled softly at his lover. 

“I’ll protect you from him,” he said before capturing Tom’s lips into a kiss that was just as soft. 

Tom couldn’t help smiling into the kiss.

“I’m sorry,” Will breathed after breaking the contact. 

However, Tom swiftly brought their lips back together, too happy to enjoy the taste of Will’s lips after so long.

And Will wasn’t going to moan about it. 

“What about we sit down now?” Tom then said, being the one breaking away this time.

“Sounds good,” Will replied with another gentle smile. 

And so they sat down, Will leaning against the tree and Tom sitting in his lap, Will’s arms wrapped around him protectively, as if afraid that he if let go of Tom, he would lose him again. 

They watched the sun set together, silently and peacefully, just like they would when they could back in France. 

“Remember that time when we were watching the sunset and I asked you if we could share a kiss?” Tom said as the sun was fading away into the horizon.

“Yes, I do. How could I ever forget about it?”

“Did I look that desperate?”

The way Tom said it earned him a soft laugh from Will. 

“Looking back on it; yeah.”

Tom hit his thigh playfully as a response, earning him another soft laugh from the older man. 

Will then started kissing his neck lovingly, and Tom twitched out of pleasure, having missed so much the feeling of Will’s mouth on his skin. 

“Sco…” he moaned as the older man was now starting to nibble it. 

Tom’s hand slid into Will’s hair and tugged at it gently. He kept moaning as Will was now nibbling his earlobe, waiting for a bit before licking it. 

Tom’s noises of pleasure urged him Will to keep going. However he stopped after a while before things could get too far and too fast. They had just been reunited again and Will wanted to make the most of it. 

“Why did you stop?” Tom moaned. 

Will nestled his chin against Tom’s shoulder and closed his eyes in content as he breathed in Tom’s scent. 

“I don’t want to take things too fast,” he breathed against his shirt. 

“Hmm…Fine, but only because it’s you.”

Will smiled gently as he opened his eyes again, the sky darkening by now. Tom pouting was a kind of Tom he liked too. 

“Hey, d’you know that Joe and Cynthia have recently had their first child together?” Tom said after a few minutes of silence. 

“Really?”

“Yep. And it’s a girl. They named her Edwina, but we all call her Winnie. She’s really adorable, and she took some of her facial features after Joe. You should come to meet her since you’re here.”

Will smiled again. 

“Sure. I love this idea.”

This time it was Tom’s turn to smile. 

They both fell silent after that small conversation, but there was nothing uncomfortable in it, at least not for Will. 

“What about your daughters? Hasn’t their mother’s death been too hard for them?” Tom asked Will after a short while. 

Will tried to think about how he should word his answer for a little bit. 

“Well… She died only a few months ago, last January, so obviously they still have to get used to her absence. But I think things are getting better and better as the months go by. Of course, at first, they had trouble in accepting that they could never see her again, especially Maggie, the youngest one. She cried a lot, especially at night.”

A beat. 

“They couldn’t even see her one last time before she died…”

Silence followed Will’s words, and Tom realised that perhaps he should have kept his mouth shut. 

“I understand that you don’t feel like talking about it. I shouldn’t have brought it up…”

“No, no, it’s fine. Really.”

But Will didn’t really look fine as he said that…

Tom turned his head slightly so his lips were now brushing against Will’s cheek and he kissed it tenderly.

After that he started telling him some story about how when he was a kid his mother had almost beaten the shit of him because she had thought he had said a bad word when he actually hadn’t. He then continued and told him how once he had been sternly scolded by his mother after singing a pagan song at the age of five right in the middle of the preacher’s sermon in the local church, having made his mother extremely ashamed.

Afterward, he rambled about various things, but Will didn’t grow tired of it. His stories, no matter how far-fetched they may have sounded sometimes, never failed to make him smile and laugh, even after all this time. 

He really wondered how Tom could do that. His ability to come up with funny stories at any time clearly amazed him. 

When the younger lad finally stopped talking, he struggled to get free of Will’s strong grip, but the older man quickly let go when he figured out what Tom was up to. The latter shifted his position so he was now facing Will and grabbed his face before kissing him softly. 

Will put his hands on his hips and kissed him back just as softly. 

Soon they started undressing each other, and Will had never been so happy to re-discover Tom’s body than he was at that moment. There wasn’t a part of his skin that Will’s mouth didn’t touch. 

“Sco…?” Tom ended up uttering as he had turned into a quivering mess by now. 

“Yes, love?” 

“Can-Can I ask you something?” Tom said hesitantly. 

“Anything,” Will immediately replied, the assertiveness in his voice quite enough to make Tom understand he didn’t need to be worried. 

Still Tom looked somehow anxious, a familiar feeling for him. 

“Can I…I mean do you mind if…I…Make love to you?”

“Make…Love to me?” Will repeated somewhat stunned as if he thought he hadn’t heard well. 

“Yeah.”

Will was rather uncomfortable at the idea of being penetrated by another man, even if that man was Tom. 

“If you won’t do it, then it’s okay. I won’t force you to do something you won’t,” Tom said to reassure him, intertwining their fingers together. 

But since Will still couldn’t deny Tom anything (he was a real sucker for him and anything he did), and after all the suffering he had put him through, that was the least he could do. On top of that, the way Tom looked and sounded so innocent when he asked that, with a hesitation in his voice that made him almost shy (which was so unlike his true personality), made the last bit of reluctance in him fade away. It was like the first time he had asked Will to make love to him, looking so innocent for so dirty an act. Only Tom could manage to do that. 

It was simply irresistible. 

“No, it’s okay, Tom. It’s just that it’s all new to me... So I just need time to get ready for it.”

“No problem, Sco. We’ll take all the time you need,” Tom said somehow sensually before he he started kissing him. 

They ended up making love under a starry sky, the warm spring air making it perfect to do it outside. 

Well, of course, it wasn’t the pleasantest thing in the world for Will, especially at first.   
But who said a first time has to be perfect? 

Tom, a bit too eager and excited maybe, was a bit too fast and rough in his movements for Will. So the older man had to ask him to slow down his pace several times, which he consented to, murmuring soft apologies every now and then as he did. 

But once they had both reached their climaxes, Will had to admit to himself that it wasn’t that bad in the end. 

*  
The following morning, Tom woke up in Will’s arms as the sun was just rising. He stirred slightly to try to shift his position but his move only made Will’s embrace tighten on him. He tried again but he unintentionally awakened Will.

“Shit,” he cursed under his breath as he realised what he had just done. 

The older male opened his eyes slowly and smiled as he was greeted with a mass of dark brown hair. He loosened his grip and so Tom was able to shift his position and locked eyes with him. 

“‘Morning,” Will whispered gently as he kept smiling. 

“Morning,” Tom replied in the same way before capturing his lips in a chaste kiss. 

“I really wish I could wake up like this every morning,” the younger male then added. 

“Lying naked in a field?” Will asked him, raising an eyebrow, obviously teasing him. 

“Haha,” Tom faked laughing, “Lying naked by your side. Anywhere.”

“Your wish can become true now,” Will said, still smiling as he brought his hand to Tom’s face to caress his cheek. 

A beat. 

“Sco…” The younger lad said with a solemn voice as he sat up, making Will remove his hand from his cheek. 

Said man’s smile instantly faded away and he swiftly sat up as well. Will didn’t like it when Tom started like that. It foresaw nothing good….

So Will braced himself to get hurt again. 

“I’d really, _really_ , love to live with you, but you can’t leave your children. Now that their mother isn’t there anymore, they need you more than ever,” Tom explained, obviously saddened and frustrated because of the situation. 

Will was seemingly at a loss for words. 

“I don’t want to be an obstacle between you and them.”

But this time Will couldn’t not reply to this. 

“You’ll never be an obstacle between me and them.”

Will cupped Tom’s cheeks with his hands. 

“Listen, my children shouldn’t be a problem. Just come and live with us,” he said out of the blue, his words taking Tom aback. 

“You…You want me to live with you and your children?” Tom said in total disbelief. 

“I don’t want to have to choose between you and them.”

“…..”

“I know you wished it could have been just the two us, but I couldn’t see my life without them either.”

But Tom seemed to be terrified at the idea. He wrapped his fingers around Will’s wrists and removed his hands from his face in a very slow movement. 

“I…I can’t, Sco…”

He let go of his wrists. 

“Why? Don’t tell me that you don’t like children, because with your personality it wouldn’t be credible at all.”

“Of course, I like children. And I’m sure yours are truly adorable. It’s really not against them.”

“What is it then?”

Tom seemed to be hesitating to say what was on his mind. 

“It’s just that…I feel I wouldn’t belong there…”

“Of course you would! It-”

“No, no, you don’t understand, Sco. No matter what happens, it’ll never be possible for us to be together. You want me to come into your life, be a part of your family and pretend it’s just something natural? As if we were a normal couple? And how do you think your daughters will react when they see a stranger into their house? I’m nobody to them! I don’t want to try to be a substitute for their late mother! And your son? Do you really want him to grow up with two men who love each other? And have you thought about your neighbours? They’d end up sooner or later suspecting something’s up. You must really have a wonderful family, and I don’t want to ruin it…”

Will was clearly left speechless by all of this. 

“And, really, I don’t mean to blame or criticise you or anything, but you should be the one saying this to me, to be aware of it. You’re the wise and mature one after all. What has got into you?”

A beat. 

“You,” Will replied plainly. 

“What, ‘me’?”

“Can’t you see, Tom? You have this gift of bringing out the best in people, to give the impression that everything’s fine when it’s actually not. Your smile is contagious. You were a ray of sunlight right in the middle of the horrors of the war. Once you were not there anymore, it wasn’t the same at all…”

Another beat.

“You have no idea what I’d be ready to do for you, Tom. After having so great an impact on me, you can’t expect me to give up on you when we finally have the occasion to be together.”

Now it was Tom’s turn to be left speechless. Will took his hands in his and squeezed them. 

“We can work all of this out, Tom. We can take things slow. I didn’t say you had to come with me and move in with us tomorrow. As for my children, no one will ever replace their mother, and that’s not what I’m looking for. She’ll always live on through them. I want you to be a part of our lives because I love you and I’m pretty sure Dory and Maggie will respect that. They just want to see me happy again, and you’re the only one that makes me happy beside them and James. As for him, maybe it would have been best had he had the chance to grow up with a mother, but we can’t change things, can we? You know, I’ve come to realise that no matter who you love, it shouldn’t be a shame and condemned, because love is the most beautiful feeling in the world. Why should people care about our private life anyway? It’s only our business. I…I just don’t want my son to become like all those people who judge and condemn someone just because they love someone else they shouldn’t. Neither do I want that for my daughters. Even if you are not their parent, it doesn’t matter. It’s not a competition between you and their mother to see who’s the best and who they’ll prefer. And I don’t want you to feel bad because you’re neither their father or their mother. You will still be someone important to them, because you are to me.” 

The younger man was even more speechless after that speech. He stared into Sco’s eyes as if he was admiring all the beauty that they reflected. 

“You’ll never cease to amaze me, Sco. Sometimes I even tell myself that you’re too good for me…”  
That thought didn’t really please the older man. 

“I forbid you to say that or even think about it,” he said firmly before he captured Tom’s lips into a soft kiss. “Because that’s not true.”

“May I say at least that I’m lucky to have you and that you’re the best thing that’s ever happened in my life?” 

A warm smile instantly formed on Will’s lips after he asked this. 

“You may.”

His answer was followed by a gentle kiss that was enough to mean 'I love you'.

After that kiss, he disentangled their fingers only to cup Tom’s cheeks once again with his hands, which led to another loving kiss. 

Will’s thumb brushed against his cheek as they kept kissing, both happy and relieved that they wouldn’t have to part ways in a way that would break one another’s heart. 

They broke away after a short while, staring into each other’s blue eyes with adoration. 

“Can you stay for a few more days?” Tom asked Will quietly, despite the fact that no one could hear them. 

Another soft smile graced Will’s lips. 

“Of course. My mother will be more than happy to be able to spend more time with her grandchildren.”

Tom’s face lit up, and he was the one to initiate the kiss this time. He wrapped his arms around Will’s neck and the older male removed his hands from his cheeks to pull him into an embrace, with the intent of pressing their bodies closer. 

They both felt safe into each other’s arms and relished in the feeling of each other’s skin and warmth. It was just the two of them, the nature offering them an idyllic setting, and they intended to make it last as long as they could. 

The outside world didn’t matter any longer; they pretended that it didn’t exist in that moment. They didn’t want to think about anything else than each other and the only words they whispered into each other’s ears were sweet nothings. 

Their only wish was to please one another. 

Nothing could have ruined that moment. It was one of the most perfect moments they had ever been able to have. 

Their heads became dizzy with love and soon the only thing that could come out of their mouths was the other’s name. Their two bodies became one. 

They felt that they could become stronger together. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone!
> 
> So here I am again with a new chapter, which I hoped you guys liked. 
> 
> The next chapter will be the last one for sure, which makes me a bit sad because I've been so invested in this fanfic  
> Yet everything good has to come to an end...  
> Anyway, I can already tell you that this last chapter will be the longest one I've ever written, so i hope you're prepared for it ;)
> 
> Also, is it normal that my brain started shipping Tom's niece and Will's son while I was writing that?   
> Please, someone help me, because honestly I don't know. 
> 
> Anyway, take care! xx


	15. Finally Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tom and Will have a long walk near the seaside in Essex, and Will has a surprise for Tom...

“Where are we going like that? We’ve been walking for hours!” Tom whined.

He and Will had been seeing each other regularly by now, whenever they could they would jump at the chance of being together again, meeting in neutral places, pretending to be many things every time so that no one would suspect anything, and hid themselves away from all the prying eyes to express the sweetness of their love, as if they were children who had behaved badly and were afraid to get caught by their parents. 

The older male, who was leading the way, turned his head to glance at Tom who was lagging behind. They were having a walk on a dirt road, a few miles away from the sea, in the south of Essex.

“You’re exaggerating,” Will said as he stopped walking so Tom could catch up with him. “We’ve been walking for hardly forty minutes.”

“This is already too much…” Tom whined again. “Can’t we have a break?”

“Come on, just stop whining and keep moving; we’re almost there.”

“Why won’t you just tell me where we’re going?” Tom whined again as he was finally next to Will. 

“Because I said it was a surprise. And if I told you now, it wouldn’t be a surprise anymore.”

“It’s not my birthday, you know,” Tom pointed out gravely. 

“Yes, I know it’s not.”

“So what’s that surprise for? Why today and not any other day?” Tom questioned. 

“You’re talking too much. Can’t you just enjoy the silence and the nice landscape?” 

“No, because you know I don’t like it when it’s silent. So, why?”

As he was looking like he was fed up with Tom, Will suddenly stopped walking, making the younger lad stop as well as he raised a confused brow at his lover. 

Next thing he knew, Will was in front of him, holding him by his waist. 

“Because I love you.” 

He said it plainly, but there was a hint of softness in the way he said it. 

And before Tom could reply anything, he kissed him; only to make him moan. He knew it would be quite enough for the younger man to keep quiet. 

Tom kissed him back eagerly, and ran one hand through his soft hair, cupping his face with the other that was left. He simply loved it when Will took the initiative to kiss him. Even though he liked to be the one to surprise the older man with kisses too; to steal kisses from him when he expected it the least. 

But now Tom wanted more. He always wanted more. Well, he did most of the time.

He started biting Will’s lower lip, and that’s when Will knew.

“Not now, Tom. We need to keep moving. We’re almost there,” Will breathed breathlessly as they had to pull away for air. 

“But we aren’t in a hurry, are we? Can’t your surprise wait for a little bit more?” Tom said suggestively, his hands trying to sneak under Will’s shirt. 

But Will grabbed his wrists before his fingers could brush against his skin. 

“When we get there, I promise we will. It will just take five more minutes,” Will assured him. “You can wait for five minutes, can’t you?”

But Tom didn’t seem to be willing to wait.

“Please?” Will said softly before he kissed him chastely. 

Tom stared intently into Will’s blue gentle eyes before he puffed his cheeks slightly and let out a surrendering sigh. 

“Fine,” he just said and in less than five seconds they were walking again side by side. 

They arrived in front of a big cottage a few moments later, much to Tom’s astonishment. 

“Who does that house belong to?” He asked Will. 

Will remained silent for a few seconds as he looked at Tom’s baffled expression from the corner of his eye. 

“It used to belong to my granduncle, but his sister sold it when he passed away. He had always wanted to have a house close to the sea, so he took the opportunity to build his own cottage and used to go there every summer with his family.”

Tom raised an eyebrow at Will. 

“But since it was sold, who does it belong to now?” 

“To me. Well, to us.”

Tom knitted his eyebrows in confusion.

“I’ve bought it recently from its former owner, with the money I gained when I sold the house,” Will explained.

“What house did you sell? Wait, you mean _your_ house?” Tom said, now looking shocked. 

“Yes.”

“Why did you do that?” 

“To buy this cottage,” Will replied as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. 

“But why did you need to buy this anyway?”

“For you. For us. I want us to live there. I mean, only if you want to.”

Tom became tongue-tied, seemingly too overwhelmed by his emotions to be able to utter a single word. 

“Remember when you said that if you could you’d marry me and spend the rest of your life with me. We’d buy a little cottage far from everything and everyone, own a dog, a female of course so we could have pups as wonderful as Myrtle’s, and we’d also plant cherry trees.”

Tom couldn’t believe Will still remembered that. Some of the words weren’t the exact same words he had used, but the meaning was still the same. 

“When I learnt this cottage was waiting for someone to buy it, I jumped at the chance. I didn’t hesitate one second.”

Tom still didn’t say anything as he was staring at Will with indescribable feelings showing through his eyes. 

“It wasn’t as expensive as the house we owned with Beth, but it needed to be a bit renovated. This house is quite old, much older than us.”

Will didn’t mind Tom’s silence. He just hoped he would like the house. 

“I’d never thought you’d take my words that seriously,” Tom ended up saying as he was contemplating the cottage. 

It was Will’s turn to keep silent now. He didn’t really know what would be best to answer, so he spared his saliva. 

“Why didn’t you consult me about it before buying it?” Tom then asked him. “I said _we’d_ buy a cottage, didn’t I? I wanted it to be something we’d do together, not something you bought on your own with _your_ money.”

“If I had, it wouldn’t have been a surprise..” 

Tom didn’t fail to notice the hint of sadness in his tone. 

“I just wanted to make you happy. I thought you’d like it..”

“I do!” Tom hurried to say, not wanting Will to think what he had done was a bad thing. “I really do. It’s a wonderful surprise, almost too good to be true. And that’s really sweet of you. That’s the best gift I could have ever dreamt of.”

A beat. 

“ _You’re_ the best.”

His words were followed by a gentle kiss, and Will couldn’t help smiling now. 

“I just want what’s best for you, make every of your dreams come true,” he said once they pulled away.

“They’ve all come true by now. I don’t need to ask for more.”

This time Will was the one to kiss him. 

“What about your daughters? Do they know about it?” Tom questioned afterward. 

“Yes, they do,” Will said still with a smile. “They were delighted to help me with the renovation work. We did everything while James was watching us. Of course, we always kept an eye one him no matter what we were doing. And the girls really love the house, they can’t wait to live in it. They’ve loved it all the more so since I told them it used to belong to their great-granduncle.”

Tom grinned as he heard that. 

“Shall I show you around the house now?” Will suggested. 

“Sure.”

They went inside the cottage, going into every room, and Tom’s breath was taken away by everything he saw. The house was spacious without being a mansion and was comprised of many windows, which made all the rooms lighter when the weather was good. There was a large living room with a small fireplace near one of the windows and a bookcase on the other wall, a small parlour to receive guests, a kitchen that was reasonable in terms of size (neither too big or too small), a small dining room with a large wooden table placed in the centre of the room and that was long enough to fit six people, a fine oak staircase that was rather narrow, four bedrooms on the upper floor, including a kind of attic room, a bathroom that was rather small, but decent.

And as for the outside, there was a front porch long enough so they could watch the sunset all together. They would even be protected from the rain or snow thanks to the roof. 

On top of that, the piece of land was big enough so they could have their own garden (and there was a well that had been built a few feet away so they could water it) and plant numerous cherry trees. 

“I can’t believe your granduncle built all of this with his own hands,” he said in awe once they were back in the main room. 

“Well, he didn’t make it in one day,” Will teased, the smile he had still on his face. 

A small laugh escaped Tom’s lips. 

“Yeah. That’s really great. Amazing. Did you change the furniture as well? Or is it the one that was originally here?” 

“We replaced some of it because the girls said it was too old-fashioned. But that’s what makes it charming.”

Another laugh escaped Tom’s lip, but it was louder this time. 

“Yeah, right. They can’t be blamed though.”

“But they didn’t pay the new pieces of furniture,” Will shot back playfully. 

“I could’ve helped ya get new furniture for free had you asked me. Things that weren’t that old-fashioned.”

“But you would have suspected something sooner or later.”

Tom shrugged casually, the ghost of a smirk playing on his lips. 

“Maybe.”

A beat. 

“Or you could have told me you wanted to change the furniture of your former house.”

“Would you really have bought that lie?”

“If you had been convincing enough, I would have.”

Will shook his head slightly, the playful smile on his lips not fading away. 

“We wanted to plant cherry trees too while we were here, but we weren’t sure about what the best time would be to do it, so we preferred to wait for you so we could do it all together, since you are the expert for this.”

Tom’s grin was enough to light up the whole room. 

“That’s a wise decision.”

Will grinned as well, blue staring into blue intently. 

“However, the girls want to have the last word as regards the breed of the dog.”

A beat.

“Alright, I won’t oppose it,” the younger man responded nonchalantly. 

Will kept smiling at him with loving and gentle eyes. Now was the right time, he told himself. He cleared his throat as if to get Tom’s full attention, which was unnecessary because the younger man had already made him the centre of his attention. 

“Well, now that we’re officially living together, there’s something I need to ask you…” he said before searching into one of his trousers pockets. Tom’s eyes followed the movement of his hand carefully, and they widened in amazement when he saw what he got out of it. 

“Thomas Blake,” he said solemnly as he took his right hand in his left one. “Are you willing to stay with me until death do us part? Please tell me that you want to be my other half, because I know I’d be incomplete without you. I need to hear it from your mouth, because I want to make it official as well.”

He was left open mouthed by Will’s words; yet nothing would come out of it. 

So Will proceeded. 

“I don’t need a priest or anyone else to approve of our love, and pronounce us married. I want to be yours, and I want you to be mine, forever, and I only need your oral consent for that. I, William Schofield, want you to be my other half, and I promise from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love, cherish, and worship you, till death do us part, no, even after death do us part, because whether it be in this life or in another one or whatever may become of us, I’ll always love you, and I won’t let death separate us. Whether it pleases God or not, that’s the least of my concern, because you’re the only one I want to worship, and thereto I plight thee my troth. I promise this time I won’t break my vows, not with you.”

By now, Tom could feel his lower lip starting to tremble. 

He was deeply moved by Will’s speech, in a positive way; but still, it seemed to be too much at once for the younger man. 

“Yes,” was all that ended up leaving Tom’s mouth. He repeated the word over and over as if it were some kind of magical word. “Fuck, yes, Sco!”

Before the older man could even place the ring on his finger, Tom was clinging on him, his arms wrapped around his neck, and he kissed him to reciprocate everything Will had just said. 

“Never had I thought it would be possible to love someone as much as I love you before I met you,” Tom said once they had pulled away. 

Will only smiled as a response, but that was enough. Tom didn’t need to hear more. 

The older man then took his left hand and placed the gold ring carefully on his finger. 

“Well, therefore, with this ring and with your consent I thee wed, with my body I thee worship, and with all my worldly goods I thee endow.” 

Tom was on the verge of tears now. 

“Fuck, I feel a little bit stupid now. I don’t even have a ring to give you,” he said as he wiped the tears that were welling up in the corners of his eyes with the back of his hand.   
But then…

He looked down at his hand, the one he had just wiped his eyes with and the one that was still free. 

“Take this ring as a token of my love and devotion,” he said solemnly as he removed the signet ring that was on his middle finger. “It may not be a wedding ring, but it’s gold.” 

Will’s eyes widened slightly in surprise. 

“Tom…Are you sure…?”

He knew these rings meant a lot to Tom, that they were precious. He could still remember the younger lad telling him once how he had inherited them from his grandfather, that they were everything he had left of the old man. 

“Yes,” Tom replied firmly. “Because with all my worldly goods I thee endow; and with my body I thee worship.”

Will extended his hand and Tom placed the ring on it. But it didn’t fit…

“Shit…” Tom cursed under his breath. He forgot about one little detail…

His and Will’s fingers didn’t exactly have the same size… 

That was a nice try though. Even if Tom was feeling somehow embarrassed now, seemingly thinking he couldn’t do anything right. 

“Shit, shit, shit,” Tom kept repeating as he was clenching his fist around the ring. 

“Hey, it’s all right,” Will said softly to reassure him as he took Tom’s hand in his and brushed his ring finger with his thumb, making back and forth movements as he kept tracing it. “I don’t need you to give me a ring for you to prove that you love me.”

“But you did; you bought one just for me,” Tom pointed out, almost looking desperate. 

Will smiled fondly at him.

“Just because a proposal without a ring would have been really awkward, wouldn’t have it?” 

Will’s words and the way he said them made Tom laugh softly. 

“Besides, I like the way it looks on your finger.”

Tom was already feeling much better. There were absolutely no words to describe how much he loved this man. 

“Just like I enjoy the feeling of your two rings against my skin whenever your hand touches me.”

Just as he said that, he took the signet ring out of Tom’s hand and put it back in its original place. And right after he did that, he leaned in to kiss the younger man. Instead of wrapping his arms around Will’s neck, Tom cupped his face with his hands, causing Will to let a low but pleased moan. 

“What about we go upstairs to test our new bedroom?” Tom said suggestively before leaving a kiss on Will’s jaw. 

“That’s a really nice suggestion,” Will replied as he was all smiley. 

Tom led the way there as he took Will’s hand and interlaced their fingers. And Will was more than happy to let him do. 

  
This was definitely the best day of their lives (and the best night as well). 

  
**

Tom was staring at Will who was fast asleep, lying on his stomach with his bare back, the rest of his body hidden by the white sheet of the bed. 

He propped himself up on his elbow so he could have a better view. He could watch the older male sleep for hours without ever getting tired of it. That was a thing he had never really had the occasion to do until now. 

The thought of Will finally being his had been making him ecstatic. Never had he thought that this would become true one day, not even in his wildest dreams. 

He had been afraid in the past his mother would marry him off to some local girl because she had always wanted the best for her sons. Well, according to her definition of what was best. 

Unfortunately for him, his fears had been well founded. She had tried to marry him off, but he had refused, threatening to leave home and never come back if she forced him to do that. 

This had happened not long after he had fully recovered from his stomach wound. 

But then when she had thought he had finally found a girl and had even proposed to her (although he hadn’t told her first), she had been delighted, which hadn’t lasted though. 

He had had no other choice than telling them the truth after he had run back home. They would have ended up discovering it was just a lie sooner or later anyway. So what would have been the point in making them hope for something that was all fake? Especially his mother, it had broken his heart to see her happy over a lie. 

So he had told them he had lied to Will. Then had come the inevitable question: “Why?”  
It’s true that it seemed stupid to do such a thing. 

He had told them the whole truth in a brutal but honest way, knowing he would be doomed anyway and that there was no more way-out for him, let alone salvation. He had got angry and desperate as all the words had left his mouth, almost been on the verge of breaking down. It had been a good emotional release for him, but although he had been relieved in some way, he had felt ashamed of himself more than he had ever had. 

After that, he had run away to lock himself into his room, refusing to see or speak to anyone. He knew after spilling the tea he would never be able to face neither his brother or his mother ever again. 

Yet he had. 

Thanks to Cynthia. 

He would never be thankful enough for her support. 

She had managed to talk things out with him at some point, telling him he shouldn’t be ashamed of him or his feelings, that it was the most important thing to love himself first, and comforting him over his grief as he knew Will would never leave his wife. He had respected Will’s choice though, because he had been ready to sacrifice his own happiness for his daughters back then; and that’s just something that had made him love the man even more. 

She had told him that no matter who he loved, it was alright because love was not a matter of sex, or age, or anything else that had to do with selective social criteria, because love was something much deeper, that was transcendent, something nobody could really grasp the real meaning of. 

That was the most complex but most beautiful feeling in the world. 

It had felt even more right when Will had said the latter. 

At the beginning, it had been really hard for both mother and eldest son to accept that Tom would never love women, and especially that he had fallen for a war comrade, a friend, who was married and had children. His mother who was a pious woman, it must have made her sick.

But in the end, they seemed to get used to the idea, and things somehow went back to normal after a long time of being awkward. Neither Mrs Blake nor Joseph talked about this, probably still considering the subject to be something taboo or simply because they wished to avoid conflict with Tom. 

No matter what, Tom was still her beloved and youngest son, and his little brother, the one he liked to tease and bother.

Nothing could ever change that. 

When Will had come back to see him after the death of his wife, his mother, brother and Cynthia had learned about the sad event and had all been sorry for the man. But when his mother and brother figured out he was secretly seeing Will, they weren’t delighted at all. 

And he was sure they wouldn’t be delighted either when he told them he had just moved in with Will and his three children to live in this cottage. 

It wasn’t located too far from home (but not too near either), so they could easily come to visit him, but he doubted they would ever come, and he wouldn’t force them. Even if the thought saddened him. 

Will had been really sorry for having spilled the tea at the time. Had he known it had been just a lie, he wouldn’t have been so careless. He had felt bad about that, _really_ bad; but Tom had reassured him, telling him it was alright, that he could never be mad at him for that, that it was just his own fault for being so reckless. 

His bright blue eyes were all soft and full of love as he kept contemplating Will as if the man was a real masterpiece, a model that had slipped straight out of a painting. There was something ethereal in his features, and the texture of his skin. 

He reached for him with his right hand, and traced his spine delicately with his index finger, brushing the skin ever so slightly so as not to wake him up. 

He repeated the same movement several times in a row, until he felt Will stir slightly under his touch. He started doing it again a few seconds later in spite of that, and as his finger was about to reach the small of his back, Will hummed in content. 

Tom smiled, and removed his finger from Will’s skin. But this only earned him a moan from Will, and not one of pleasure. 

“Who told you to stop?” He mumbled sleepily.

Tom’s smile faltered a little bit.

“I didn’t mean to wake you up.”

“I don’t mind being awakened like this.”

Tom’s face lit up as his smile became a grin. 

“Then I can wake you up this way every morning if you wish.”

Will smiled as his eyes were still closed. He didn’t seem to be willing to move for now. 

“What time is it?” He then asked. 

“It’s still early.”

Will hummed again, proof that he didn’t feel like getting out of bed just now. 

“I need to go back to Cookham to pick the children up and bring them here.”

“Why didn’t you ask your mother to come and bring them here directly? That would’ve spared you the trouble to make the trip back there.”

“Because I don’t want her to come here.”

“Why not?”

Will finally opened his eyes and shifted his position to sit up, leaning his back against the wooden wall.

“I can imagine all too well how she would react if she knew I love and live with a man who is five years younger than me, and who was the reason I cheated on my wife while she was still alive.”

Tom kept quiet, now looking thoughtful and concerned as he sat up as well. 

“She would even be able to take my children from me and keep them with her.”

“She can’t do that; she has no right,” Tom protested.

“You don’t know her, Tom. She is a kind woman who would do everything for her family, but she’s not tolerant with that kind of things.”

“If she really loves you, she-”

“Even if she really loves me, she will never accept that. She will hate me for it,” Will cut him off, starting to raise his voice. 

Tom didn’t say anything this time, thinking it was best no to. 

“She would disown me, just like my father. And the rest of my family,” he trailed off. 

Tom knew what Will was feeling all too well. He came to think that he was luckier with his family after all, and he was feeling really bad for Will. 

“I”m sorry…” he trailed off as he looked down. “It was stupid to say what I did in the first place. I should have never started this conversation…”

No matter what he did, Will could never stay mad at him for too long anyway. 

“It’s alright. You didn’t mean wrong,” he said in a low voice after a few moments of silence. 

Tom didn’t say a word as he glanced at his lover.

“They wouldn’t hesitate to separate us, even if I’m an adult now. And that’s something I can’t risk.”

Silence. This lasted for a little while. 

“You know, I could just leave the house for a while while she comes to drop the children here. She wouldn’t suspect anything. She hasn’t until now, has she?” Tom ended up saying.

Will glanced at Tom. 

“And what if she plans on staying there with us for the night or more? She really thinks I’ve been totally fucked up since the death of my wife. She’s been willing to spend more time with me and the children. You know at the very start, she would come in our former house to look after the children whenever I couldn’t cope. And then she practically moved in with us at some point, much to my father’s disapproval. And she wanted to come and live with us here. She couldn’t understand why I had to move out of town so far from her.” 

Tom still didn’t utter a single word as he was again looking thoughtful and concerned. 

“She even thought I had ended up meeting another woman and falling in love with her, which I denied.”

Tom frowned a little at that.

“If I have to quarrel with her, I’d rather it be on the pretext that I find her too intrusive in my life and that I need to start over somewhere else to heal, even if it means she won’t be able to see her grandchildren anymore, rather than her finding out the truth,” Will said plainly. “If I have to choose between her and my children, I won’t hesitate one second.”

What Will said really saddened Tom. He wished things could happen in a totally different way. But they weren’t living in a utopian world…

Fucking reality, he couldn’t help thinking. 

Even when they thought they could finally live happily together, there was still the problem of the outside world and family…

His mother may have been an intolerant woman, but Dory, Maggie and James were still her grandchildren… It was unfair that she wouldn’t be able to see them anymore… 

Will ended up noticing how down Tom was. And he was feeling bad too now. 

“Hey, it’s not your fault,” the older male said as he reached out for Tom’s hand. “I’ll never regret the choices I’ve made.”

“You say that now,” Tom replied sounding resigned as he looked away from Will. 

Before Will could reply something, he proceeded. 

“Don’t you think your children will be unhappy if you prevent them from seeing their grandparents? Even if they won’t show it explicitly, they will inevitably suffer from it.”

And again as Will opened his mouth, he continued. 

“And since the house used to belong to your granduncle, she must obviously know where it is, which means she could visit us unexpectedly at any time if she really wanted to. Have you even thought about that?”

“No, that’s not the kind of things she would do, I know it.” 

“How can you be sure?”

“Because she’s never been the kind of woman who visits you unexpectedly and then makes a scene, and she won’t change now. Please, stop worrying. I know what I’m doing. Hadn’t I been sure about that, I would’ve never made the decision to move in here with you. I would’ve chosen another place.”

Tom simply glanced at Will without saying a word. 

“Please, Tom,” Will almost begged as he got closer to him, his skin brushing against his shoulder. He took Tom’s left hand in his and squeezed it gently. 

“I don’t want you to feel bad because of that,” he said before kissing Tom’s shoulder blade. 

But Tom didn’t react. 

So Will kissed his shoulder blade once again, and kept kissing it until he reached his shoulder and left several kisses on it, and after that, he kissed the nape of his neck as he squeezed his hand again. Then he started licking his earlobe before sucking and nibbling it. 

Tom squeezed his eyes shut as he bit his lower lip to hold back the moan that wanted to escape his lips. 

However, it wasn’t that long until he gave in and started tugging gently at Will’s hair. 

“I love you,” Will breathed once he stopped showering Tom with kisses. 

Just the way he said it sent shivers down Tom’s spine. 

“Love you too,” he whispered back before he could turn in a complete quivering mess. 

“I’d better go now,” Will then said. “The sooner I leave, the sooner I’ll come back,” he added before kissing Tom’s cheek. 

But Tom didn’t want him to leave, even if it was to bring his children back. He didn’t know what he’d do here all alone while waiting for them…

“Please, don’t leave just yet…” He begged, looking almost desperate.

Will didn’t have the strength to leave now…

Tom then took the initiative to kiss him and wrapped his hand around Will’s manhood, making the older man twitch. 

“They can wait for a little more, can’t they?” He whispered suggestively into his ear, and this was enough to make all his reason and common sense shatter into pieces this time. 

Tom took control of things, and Will delighted in it. 

**  
The following day, Will was finally back with his children, his son in his arms and his two daughters on each of his sides. His mother had insisted that he spend the night there with them before going back. 

This was actually the first time Tom had met Will’s children. 

Will had talked a lot about them to Tom already, especially about his daughters since James was still an infant, so he had many more things to say and memories to share about them. And had talked about Tom to his daughters, and of course had asked them if they would agree to live all together, which they had accepted without getting upset. 

Will had explained everything clearly to them, had left nothing unsaid. He had admitted that he had cheated on their mother, not wording it this way of course, and had started by saying he had met Tom while he had had to go away, and that they had ended up falling for each other. They weren’t mad at him for that; if anything they liked his frankness, the way he considered them both to be old enough to understand and not to be treated just like mere children (even Dorie who had already suspected it before their mother's death). 

He had made it clear that Tom would never replace their mother, and ever since they had been curious to meet the man whom they had heard so much about. They had been wondering what he looked liked and guessed he was really nice if their father had fallen in love with him. 

Tom couldn’t wait to meet them either. With everything Will had told him about them, he already loved them as much as their father. 

They arrived in the evening, and Tom was cooking something he had bought in town this morning. He wasn’t the best cook in the country, never considered himself to be at least, but what he cooked couldn’t be worse than what they were given in the trenches. 

He liked keeping himself busy so as not to get bored. 

Will said to his daughters to wait near the door and asked Dorie to take James in her arms before he went to look for Tom. 

The smell that emanated from the kitchen told him to go there first, so he did. He peeped into the room and saw Tom, turning his back to him, busy with whatever he was cooking. He sneaked his way into the room discreetly and wrapped his arms around Tom’s waist from behind, startling the younger man. 

However, he relaxed when Will started kissing his neck.

“Jesus, you scared me. I didn’t even hear you come in.” 

“Because I asked the girls to make no noise.”

“What for? To surprise me again?”

“Kind of,” Will replied as he smiled into his neck. 

Tom laughed softly. 

“What about I do that to you too? I’m sure it’d be funnier if I did.” 

“No, I don’t think so.”

Will kissed his cheek lovingly before looking at what he had been making. 

“What is it that you’re cooking?”

“Nothing really extraordinary, you know,” Tom replied casually. “Just some stewed beef and vegetables as well as potatoes.”

“Sounds nice,” said Will, still smiling. 

“You bet. It looks like I’ve become my mother now.” 

And Will laughed at his statement, especially at the way he said it. 

“You’re a mini male version of her,” Will teased him before kissing his cheek again. 

Tom shook his head. As he was about to retort something he could hear laughs coming from the other room. 

“Just watch my beef, will ya? I won’t make your daughters wait any longer,” he said and Will took a step backward as he pulled away, letting him breathe. 

The older male agreed and Tom pecked his lips before leaving the kitchen. 

He quickly spotted the girls and their brother as he kept walking in their direction. 

“Hello,” he said nonchalantly, bending down so he could be at the same level as them. “You must be Dory and Maggie, right?” He said as he pointed at each of them in turn. 

“How do you know who is who?” Maggie asked surprised. 

Tom shrugged casually. 

“That’s just intuition.”

A beat. 

“Or maybe because I know a lot of things.”

“What kind of things?” Maggie questioned. 

“Everything you know is what Daddy told you, isn’t it?” Dorothy chimed in. 

Before he could say anything, Maggie spoke again. 

“He told us a lot of things about you too.”

“That’s part of the things I know,” he replied with a smile. 

“You have blue eyes like Daddy,” Maggie then suddenly said, as if she only noticed that now. 

“Is that a problem?”

“No, I love blue eyes. I wished I could have had blue eyes too,” Maggie answered slightly pouting as she was somehow disappointed. 

“Why would you say that?” Tom said, faking to be outraged. “I find your eyes are really lovely the way they are,” he then said fondly. 

A slight blush coated Maggie’s cheeks and she looked down while Dorie smiled as she was looking at her sister. 

“So, are you hungry girls?” He then asked as he put both hands on his thighs. 

“Yes!” They both chirped simultaneously, Maggie forgetting the moment of embarrassment she had just had as she looked back up. 

“I really like your accent,” Maggie admitted, trying not to blush as she said that. 

“You do? Well, your father loves it too,” he said more as teasing than pointing out real facts, because Will had never said out loud he loved it, though he may have thought so. 

“Daddy didn’t tell us about that.” Maggie said as she knitted her eyebrows and crossed her arms. 

“Because he must have forgotten about it,” Tom responded and winked. 

The girls smiled at him with a glint of mischief in their eyes. 

“Or he didn’t tell you on purpose, because he won’t admit it.”

The girls giggled as Tom’s smile widened. 

“I can hear what you’re saying!!” Will shouted from the kitchen. 

The girls burst into laughter as Tom snorted. 

There was a small moment of silence as the two girls recovered from their laughter. 

“Well, what about you girls help me lay the table?” Tom suggested with a smile. 

“I would have loved to help you, but my arms are already busy with Jamie. I have to keep him.”

“You could put him down just for a little while. It won’t take that long.”

“But he prefers being held,” Dory argued. 

“I can hold him then!” Maggie chimed in.

“Wouldn’t you like to help too?” He asked Maggie, raising one eyebrow at her. 

“Laying the table is no fun…” Maggie admitted, looking as if she were pouting slightly. 

Tom’s lips suddenly became wide with a smirk as his eyes sparkled with mischief. 

“Then there’s something we could do that’s much funnier.”

“What is it?” Maggie hurried to ask, her eyes wide with curiosity. 

“This,” he just said, sounding as if he were up to no good, and he unexpectedly pounced on the youngest girl, lifted her off the floor and put her over his shoulder like a potato sack before he started spinning her around. 

The girl let out shrieking shouts which had her father rush out of the kitchen to see what was happening. Her girly shouts were then alternated with loud laughs and cries of joy. 

Will and Dory watched them with silent eyes as if they had gone insane. 

Tom kept doing that for a while until Maggie begged him to stop. 

“Please!!! Stop!!! My head’s spinning!!!” 

But in spite of that, Tom didn’t seem to be willing to stop. 

“Well, I’m going to go and lay the table,” said Will to his eldest daughter who was watching them with a mix of a fond and amused smile tugging at her lips. “If we wait for those two to do something, dinner will be cold by then.”

A girlish giggle left Dory’s mouth at her father’s words (or rather the way he said them), and soon the man disappeared back into the kitchen. 

Some moments later, Tom eventually stopped what he had been doing and ended up collapsing onto the not very comfortable floor, breaking Maggie’s fall as she landed on his stomach. 

The girl was laughing so hard that it made her stomach ache. She was breathless, her head buried in the crook of Tom’s neck. 

Dory couldn’t help laughing too, but she still approached them both. “Are you alright?” She asked in between two laughs. But they both needed to catch their breath and stop laughing, being unable to answer anything for now. 

When they had finally calmed down and once everything was ready for dinner, they settled at the table and started eating what Tom had cooked. 

It was their first dinner all together, like a family. Yet, everything seemed to be perfectly natural and normal. 

Tom was sitting next to Maggie who seemed to have become clingy after what had happened while Will was sitting across him next to Dory. As for James, he was sitting in a high chair at the end of the table, closest to his two sisters. 

William preferred to wait to feed him and do it once they finished eating. He just hoped he wouldn’t be too troubled if he ate a bit later than he usually did. 

“Too bad we can’t have cherries for dessert…” Maggie said once dinner was finally over, the look on her face matching the disappointment in her voice. 

“I guess we’ll just have to be patient…” Tom replied looking thoughtful and just as disappointed. “But the long wait will be worth it in the end,” he then added with a bright smile. 

Maggie instantly smiled back at him, proving that his smile was really contagious. 

Will and Dory smiled as well, and the two men exchanged a knowing look which didn’t go unnoticed by the two girls who were hardly able to hold back a giggle. 

“Girls, help me clear the table, will you?” Their father said to them as he stood up from his chair. 

The girls stopped giggling and complied, standing up from their chairs as well. 

After the dishes were put away and cleaned, the girls went into their new bedroom, and played with each other before they had to go to bed. 

Meanwhile Will prepared the milk to feed his son, which was done quick enough. 

“Here,” he said as he approached Tom who was sitting at the table and holding James in his arms, smiling down at him. 

He found the baby boy really adorable, and with his blue eyes he reminded him not only of Will, but of his own niece as well. 

He looked surprised as his eyes shifted between Will’s and the bottle full of milk. 

“Why are you giving it to me? Won’t you do it?” He asked the older man. 

“You can do it too,” said he when he actually meant ‘I want you to do it’. You have already done it with your niece, haven’t you?” 

“Sure,” Tom confirmed. 

“Anyway, why are you looking so surprised by this?” Schofield wondered aloud. 

“Must be because it’s the very first time with your son,” he smiled softly, glancing down at the cute baby. 

Will smiled back at the both of them, shaking the bottle slightly so Tom would take it, which he did with one careful hand.

“Here you go,” said he to the baby softly as he aimed the bottle in the direction of his mouth. James didn’t need to be forced to open it as his lips parted instantly. “You must be really hungry too.”

They were surrounded by silence as Tom was feeding James, the latter sucking eagerly on the rubber end of the glass bottle.

Tom was watching him with a warm and soft gaze, like a parent would look at their child. 

Will’s gaze moved from Tom’s face to his son who was sucking. The sight of the two them, of Tom looking so…Fatherly. It was tremendously endearing. But not only that. 

It was also extremely sexy. This made Tom even more attractive and before he could even realise it, he was getting hard. 

He was overwhelmed by a wave of heat that went through his entire body. He just couldn’t control it. But having such thoughts while his son was there, when Tom was just doing something that should have been not normally arousing, it just seemed…So wrong. 

“Fuck…” he cursed under his breath. 

Tom knitted his eyebrows in confusion as he glanced at him. 

“What’s wrong?” He asked.

“Hmm…You could have just been a great father had you had children.”

Tom gave him a long level look as he looked up to stare into his deep cerulean eyes. 

“I wish I could have had your children. But I’m no woman,” he shrugged nonchalantly before looking down again at James. 

Will could feel his cock twitch at those words. He bit his lower lip hard to try to calm himself down, but it was war from being easy. 

He crossed his legs, inhaling sharply. 

Tom glanced at him before a small smirk appeared on his lips, something Will didn’t notice as he was only focusing his gaze on his son. 

Soon enough James had finished the whole bottle under Tom’s soft gaze. He put the empty bottle on the table and shifted the position of the baby to make him burp. 

Once he had, Tom cradled him, humming softly while Will was watching him as if he were hypnotised. 

“I think he’s ready to go to bed,” he said after a little while. 

But Will didn’t even react.

Tom stood up from his chair, gently, and Will did the same, but suddenly. They exchanged a long and intense look and before Tom could even move Will had his arms wrapped around his waist and kissed him a bit roughly. But Tom didn’t seem to mind at all. He even started biting Will’s lower lip as a form of teasing before breaking the kiss. 

“I know you want me. But we should put your son to bed first,” he whispered sensually into Will’s ear and the older man answered with a few bites on his neck.

“I’m gonna make you taste another kind of milk,” Will breathed lustfully, marking his territory on Tom’s neck as he sucked the air out of his lungs. 

  
Tom was definitely going to love this new life, regardless of whether his family wanted to become a part of it or not. 

**< <<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>**

Almost one year had passed since Will had moved in in their new home with Tom and his children.

The cherry trees they had planted last fall had quite grown by now, but it was too early for them to bear fruit. Yet, they were good to lean against and have some shade. 

Things could have never been more perfect. The girls absolutely loved Tom, his personality and his funny stories, the way he told them; they found them more entertaining and greater than any story they had read in books. James also loved him, even if he was only one year and a few months old. Well, who wouldn’t love him anyway? 

And they now had a female dog that was hardly older than James, a beautiful Dalmatian that the girls had named Leslie. Everyone loved her as much as they loved Tom. And Tom loved her as much as he loved Myrtle and her puppies. 

Will didn’t regret anything at all. He didn’t regret quitting his job. He didn’t regret leaving his hometown. He didn’t regret breaking off the ties with his parents. 

He had everything he needed there with him, and couldn’t have dreamt of anything better. He felt more at peace than he had ever had in his life; his nightmares were eased thanks to Tom’s constant presence and his unconditional love. 

He could never be thankful enough for that blessing. 

Their home and piece of land was like a little earthly paradise.

The nearest town was a few miles away, a distance they could easily cover with bikes. 

Tom would chaperone the girls to school most mornings, pretending to be their big brother with the locals, which never failed to make Dory and Maggie giggle whenever they would think or hear about it. Tom would laugh with them about it in the evening.

And Will just loved their carefree attitude. 

One hot summer day as the sun was shining bright through all the windows, they were all ready to go to the seaside. 

Dory and Maggie decided to race against each other to see who would be the first one to be outside. They dashed to the front door as their father was shouting at them to calm down while Tom was laughing and grinning, Leslie running after them. They just ignored their father and anything else, being way too focused on winning. They elbowed and shoved each other, gripping the door knob desperately and arguing. 

Against all odds, Dorothy was the one to get outside first and ran until she stepped on the hot grass with her bare feet, leaping from the front porch, Maggie’s cries of discontent behind her. 

However before she could properly savour her victory, something unusual caught her attention. 

“What’s that?” She breathed with curious eyes. 

Only a few feet away from their front porch was a small cherry tree in a container. Maggie approached it and her eyes grew wide as she saw the ripe red cherries ready to be picked. 

She opened her mouth in wonder before she turned around and ran towards the house again. 

“Maggie! Tom! Daddy!” She shouted as her younger sister had just left the front porch to join her. “There’s a small cherry tree in the garden!!!” 

“How come?” Maggie wondered aloud.

“I don’t know,” was her sister’s reply as she kept running until she was near Will and Tom. 

“There’s a small cherry tree full of bright red cherries!!” She said again, looking ecstatic at the thought of all these cherries. “And they look so delicious!!!” 

Both men stared at her in sheer surprise before exchanging a quick glance at each other.

“Just come and see!!!” Dory then cried excitedly. 

Tom’s eyes widened in sudden realisation. There could only be one person to bring a cherry tree there…

“Daddy!! Tom!!! Can we pick them??!” Maggie shouted loud enough so she could be heard. 

“Oh yes, please!!!” Dory almost begged with puppy eyes. 

Her father could only grin at her and her enthusiasm. 

“Sure. I guess the seaside can wait.”

In no time, they were all gathered around the small cherry tree that was like a kind of gift fallen from the skies, at least for the girls. 

They hurried to pick the cherries and ate them, relishing in their succulent taste, and spitting the pits directly in the grass. 

“Easy girls! You’re not going to eat all of them in less than five minutes, are you?”

“But I need to win the competition this time!” Maggie whined, fiery with determination to be the one to eat more cherries than her sister in a limited time. 

“Hey, I don’t want this to be a competition, alright?” Will said a bit sternly. “Leave some of them for us, will you?” 

Maggie was slightly pouting as her sister had a victorious grin plastered on her face. 

“I have eaten more cherries than you as of now! So that makes me the winner! Again!” She chirped as her father shook his head slightly. Tom just laughed at that. 

“No! That’s unfair!” Maggie protested. 

“Just quit it girls,” Will said with a hint of softness in his grave tone. 

“They’re the most delicious cherries I’ve ever tasted! I really wish there could be more of them though…” Dory suddenly said looking down with sad eyes. 

“Don’t worry about that, darling. You will be able to have all the cherries you want when you come home.”

The voice was unfamiliar to the girls, but it was soft and warm. Yet, this voice was all too familiar to both Tom and Will. 

Tom’s heart skipped a beat as he listened to it and he almost froze in his spot. Will glanced at him with supporting eyes. 

Tom waited for a few seconds before he stood up and turned around slowly. 

“Mum…” he muttered, baffled. “Joe…” 

And there was Cynthia with them, holding Winnie in her arms and wearing her bright and beautiful smile, the smile that had helped him to get his self-confidence back. 

His mother smiled at him and contemplated the small family for a little while before she approached her youngest son only to stare at him. Tom didn’t do or say anything; he just seemed to be in a complete daze, trying to anticipate his mother’s next move. 

She ended up hugging him all of a sudden, making Will and the girls smile. Tom seemed to be too overwhelmed by a million of sudden emotions to even think to hug back. 

“My baby boy…” she whispered softly in his ear. “I’m so glad to see you again after all this time.”

A beat. 

“I’m sorry.”

Tom could feel his eyes starting to get watery. 

“You know what, as long as you are happy we’ll be happy too. And if you are happy like this, then so be it.”

After that there was silence. 

These words almost seemed too good be true to Tom’s ears. 

“Do you…Do you really mean it?” He breathed somehow hesitantly. 

His mother pulled away as suddenly as she had hugged him so she could stare into the blue eyes that they shared. 

“Of course I do. And I hope it’s not too late for us to come and make amends,” she said as she took her son’s hands in hers. 

Tom broke eye contact with her to glance at Will who gave him a small but happy smile.

“No. It’s not too late, Mum. It’s never too late.”

He hugged him just like she had, relief flowing though his veins. 

“I’ve missed you all,” he then whispered softly. 

His mother didn’t hesitate one second to hug him back tightly.

“We’ve missed you too,” she admitted. “The house isn’t the same without you; will never be."

Tom smiled in her hair, inhaling her lovely smell. 

“You’re welcome to stay here as long as you want.”

It was his mother’s turn to smile now.

“We will with great pleasure.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey!
> 
> So this is it guys... The last chapter for this fic. So I hope it was good enough for an end. 
> 
> I'm somewhat amazed at myself for keeping the angst until the end, even when all seems to be for the best in the best of all possible worlds. I must really love angst, I guess.
> 
> I will never be able to thank you enough guys for all the support and love on this fic. I'm really glad I could make you happy with my work, and I want to thank everyone for their lovely comments, which really made every of my days <3
> 
> However, I don't want things to end just yet; it would make me too sad. 
> 
> Please, feel free to send me a message on Tumblr if you have any requests for another 1917 fic! :) I'd be more than happy to write again about these two sweethearts, you know; and I don't have any precise idea for another fic for now. So if I can make someone glad again, please do! Or you can contact me for anything else, or just to talk about the movie that I can't bring myself to watch again as of now for fear of breaking down and getting depressed again for days. I just love to get in touch with my readers or other fellow writers (or both).  
> My tumblr is just the same as my pseud here: littlecherryblossom26 (with the white rabbit as an icon, who is mine by the way).
> 
> I discovered a few months ago that I had a Tumblr account which I had totally forgotten about and created about five or six years ago, and I couldn't even remember why I had created it in the first place.   
> That's why there's practically nothing published on it. I've just been using it to see and like 1917 stuff. 
> 
> There's just one last thing I'd like to share with you before ending this note.   
> Actually, before 1917 came into my life and ruined it (maybe the word's a bit too strong, but anyway), I started writing my own work of fiction but then I got way too invested in this fanfic and fandom and couldn't bring myself to continue to write (not that I'm blaming the fandom for that, not at all. I love it xx). It's my very first time as writing something that isn't fanfic, and it somehow puts a lot of pressure on me. And I'm not sure at all about what I've written so far... That's why I'd would like to have someone's help to read my work, and give me constructive feedback before I publish anything.   
> So please, if anyone is interested in it, send me a message on my Tumblr! (Or just leave me a comment if you don't have an account :)).  
> I will be eternally grateful towards anyone who'd be ready to help me with that.   
> By the way, just so you know, this is the story of a Danish and English boy who fall in love during WW2, a slow burn kind of story (which will normally have many more chapters than this fic)  
> I'm willing to keep writing stories for the fandom while writing it :) But I really need support for that. I just don't want to give up on my first real work of fiction. 
> 
> Anyway, thanks a lot to all of you who took the time to read this long end note, and see you soon (I hope) for other 1917 works!!! 
> 
> Lots of love <3 xx (And please remember to stay safe!)


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